normality???

[hank]

As some of you know I just came out, I am struggling a bit, I am grappling with " normal and abnormal" I feel like a weirdo so out of sync, I am looking into finding other people like me, where I can be a bit more comfortable with myself

Any suggestion

[dfiant]

How do you define normal?

Normal is as individual as the individual themself, so quiet clearly you cannot define 'normal'.

What's normal for you? That is something you have to discover...that's why they call life a journey.

The journey to be comfortable within a group passes through the the phase called self acceptance, quiet clearly that is the journey that is now in front of you.

Can't put square pegs that think they are triangles, and haven't accepted that they are a square, into a round hole

[myapple]

Don't worry about being "normal." Being normal is like being everyone else. Being a "weirdo" is a gift in this day and time. The only way you'll be comfortable around others is by accepting yourself FIRST. Find out who you really are, not just what you're sexual orientation is. Stop worrying about what's normal or how to fit in. That's the only way to be happy and comfortable with your being, in my opinion.

[fenris]

I think IN YOUR CASE you don´t know what is or should be normal IN TIME. It needs time till you find your way of life.... and then you can see what is normal FOR YOU.
There is no rule what gay or bi people have to do and what not.... you will find out your way... and only your own way is normal for you...... you can´t seperate you sexual life from your live ... all things you need and want in your live are normal ... but just for you. other peoples lifes are normal for these people.

Abnormal .... I don´t think there is something abnormal in a normal Life.....

[hank]

From my perspective it would be so much more simple to be gay or straight. I stuck in the middle with changing tides, maybe its simply the road not traveled, I guess trying to force it is a fruitless effort. I want so badly to have a life mate, I am not sure if its possible.

[Nick9]

Hank, you have a chance to have the best of both worlds. For me, in a way bi are close to neutrois and I think people from those groups are more normal than gays/straight.
Hmm, maybe normal is not the right world. Maybe what I wanted to say was that they were closer to the human ideal.
Don't feel bad or unsure. Keep your eyes open, there is no reason to worry *hug*

[fenris]

@ Hank : I think you're just afraid..... a new Situation... and you don´t know how to handle it.
I can understand that you think gay or straight is easier ... and honestly I think sometimes the same.... so maybe it seems easier to decide just for straight or gay. But... the day will come when the other side is back.
I talked with many bisexual guys who played the "straight-role"... never talked about their feelings... and their wife and kids don´t know anything. Thats - for my opinion - a wrong and dangerous way. The time when you want the other side will come ...
I think it is a harder way to tell the truth in the beginning of the relationship but it is the best way... later you will have no good chances to tell the truth.... and then you wake up, standing in a public restroom and wait for a sex partner... NOT a good way ...
To tell the truth in the beginning has a higher risk the the relationship maybe can´t work.. but if it works... its much easier to find both partners. For my opinion the best way for a bisexual male is to find a bisexual women....
By example.... a bisexual couple I know.... they have 3 kids and are happy. Both have their own "special" friends" ..another bisexual couple... and they spend a weekend in month with them... they stay at their home and they do what they want ... and it is OK...

[hank]

Fenris

Thanks, I will never lie about it again, I have wasted too much of my life lieing to myself.

I am uncomfortable with it, when I tell sombody, my voice gets low my eyes get shifty. I would like to not be embarrassed by my own sexuality

[fenris]

the own sexuality is something everybody has to learn... like going or speaking

It is a part of your own being.... but it needs time to learn.

We as males have a second problem what makes it much harder ... we have learned that we have to be strong, masculine. that gay is "fag" and dirty and only people act gay who come from a bad parents house.... we have to marry a women and have to give a bunch of grandchildren to our parents.... and that you have to clean out of your brain. Only your way is your way

[archubbycub]

From my perspective it would be so much more simple to be gay or straight. I stuck in the middle with changing tides, maybe its simply the road not traveled, I guess trying to force it is a fruitless effort. I want so badly to have a life mate, I am not sure if its possible.

Trust me, life is NOT simple, gay straight bi or whatever! I thought like that too. If I could just figure out who I am or who it is I love then everything else would fall into place. Well guess what, I figured ou who I was and who I love and while things are getting better, there still SO much that doesn't make sense. So much that I'm still working through. That's life! And if it was easy, anyone could do it!