I was sent to a residential treatment center for two years after I attempted suicide as a teenager. Starting out with the mental hospital, then residential therapeutic group home, then assisted living. It was in these places that I realized that nothing was wrong with me in the first place, it was my surroundings (narrow minded bible thumper Republican parents that would shit bricks if they ever found out that my baby sister is now marrying a black man) that were making me feel the way that I felt and I began to improve after that. I realized that there is a world out there that accepts people for the way that they were created and that it is not wrong to love who you love, no matter what gender or race they are.
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I understood that being gay was not "bad" when giving love naturally to someone of the same sex felt totally natural, warranted and requited. It wasn't lust, it was being able to give love and be loved in return, and accepting the situation. I had once been in a situation where it felt natural, but wasn't all that comforting. Later it became comforting as well. We just fit together.
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For me it was a series of "self inspection" sessions where I reasoned everything out with myself coupled with a lot of great friends letting me know that being who I really am is not a bad thing.
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when telling friends and they just turn round and say they dont care any less of me and give me a hug,,
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When I stopped listening to other people's hate.
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When I decided I'd had it with trying to be who or what anyone else wanted me to be and just said "Fuck it, right or wrong, I'm me, I'm gay and you all can take it or GTFO my corner of the world."
Life got a lot easier and brighter once I had that little internal dialog. Someone is always going to think being gay is wrong, evil, sinful, abhorrent, etc.. I don't and, even if I were the only one that though gay was okay, normal, right etc... I'd be fine with that. As long as you KNOW, it's right, nothing anyone else thinks or says about it is going to make it wrong. They just think it's wrong, and they are wrong, not you and not me.
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hey can I please add another one that was the realest if I keep it short?
What made me realize that gay wasn't bad?
Him....(hee)
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An angel in my life who helped me open every door to becoming a better person to both me and society. I love you *hugs*, it's funny how we have so much to thank some people for and they don't really ever understand what they've done...sometimes it can be hard to see the radiance shining brightly from one's own heart.
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I must admit christian upbringing is a factor in me holding back . Then there is family and friends and every body else i have tried to live up to their expectations. Well it is now coming to the point where I want to live and live for me. I can't hide any more.
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