am I really bi/gay

[hank]

Ever sence I was about twelve I thought I might be gay. It started when I engaged in behavior that was associated with homosexuality. Because I did this I figured I was gay, looked at boys and they didn't look bad, I perfered being woth boys as far as company. I never felt that way about girls. As I grew older I had developed male lust, at the same time I noticed girls, I still thought I was gay, because among fifteen year old boys the slightest boy lust means you are gayer than Elton John. I canned those boy lust feelings up and forced them to the darkest corner of my mind. Where I only allowed myself to indulge in them when I could hide my shame, the secret became fun, and deviant. A male friend, who was my best friend, we touched and fondeled eachother. Only touched genitals bare skin once. It was really experimenting. It felt good to be touched that way, I had never felt that before. So even more I thought I was gay, I liked it it must mean I like other things. As I grew and the feelings changed I felt a sexual charge toward men, I explored gay porn, I was quite repulsed by the porn where there were two guys having intercourse. I liked looking at pictures of guys in bathing suits and underwear.

I read up on the behavior I started engaging in when I was twelve was not gay, gay guys do it, but so do straight guys, I found out women actually like doing this with men, my interest in women started to increase. I put myself on a gay dating sight, the guys were friendly, but aside from taboos I didn't feel much. I started comeing out to friends, and they were very good to me, but they said I should really think about how far I would go with a guy before I through it out for the world to know, once its out I will be labled.

I fear that I have listened to everyone else and allowed them to decide for me what I should be. worse yet I sought help online with a bi male forum, their advise was always to whore around with men. I almost bought it until I spoke with dfiant here. I realised they were all closeted 40year olds lieing to their wives, and attempting to correct there mistakes through me. I stepped back, now I wonder if I was ever really gay/bi, aside from an attraction to men that is fading more and more. Does this sound like anyone here?

[ESLteacher]

I say do what makes you happy. Let your heart guide you when it comes to attraction or love. Let your mind guide you when it comes to making important decisions like marriage or moving in togethor. Take a holiday, let the fresh air cleanse your mind, and just some time to get to know the real you, whatever that may or may not be.

[dfiant]

Hank, Labels are for clothes so don't bother with them because they tend to put pressure on yourself to be this or be that.

It doesn't matter who you are attracted, what matters is how you treat those that you are attracted to and other people around you.

Nobody here can tell you if you are gay or bi anyway, so be comfortable in your own skin and take comfort in the thought that one day you will fall in love with another human of either gender.

I can tell you that when I reflec on my life I remember my same gender attractions as far back at 8 years old. I began experimenting with boys a year younger than you and that is the way it has been all my life. I have never at any point felt anything beyond platonic attraction to women.

I choose not to label myself because in my way of thinking, when you start labelling yourself you begin to define yourself and there is so much more to you than your sexuality.

So relax and be comfortable in your own skin

[fenris]

The Question seems to be : Why you need so many thoughts about your sexuality ?

Important is what you feel ... not what you want to be or what you try to be...

If your soul means you want a relationship with a man... do it .. same if you want to be with a woman ...or both genders....

Give yourself a break ... in the attempt to classify you... and I´m sure that you can see it much more clear after a while. There are more colors as black and white ... maybe you a grey .. and maybe you are black and white checkered.... it is not really important.
Important is to be happy.... not to classify you... Take it much more easy.....

[hank]

Hank, Labels are for clothes so don't bother with them because they tend to put pressure on yourself to be this or be that.

It doesn't matter who you are attracted, what matters is how you treat those that you are attracted to and other people around you.

Nobody here can tell you if you are gay or bi anyway, so be comfortable in your own skin and take comfort in the thought that one day you will fall in love with another human of either gender.

I can tell you that when I reflec on my life I remember my same gender attractions as far back at 8 years old. I began experimenting with boys a year younger than you and that is the way it has been all my life. I have never at any point felt anything beyond platonic attraction to women.

I choose not to label myself because in my way of thinking, when you start labelling yourself you begin to define yourself and there is so much more to you than your sexuality.

So relax and be comfortable in your own skin

I have learned lables are for other people, I am not sure if I have just obeyed what stereotypes I fit or if I am coming to a real conclusion. If a conclusion is possable.

[hank]

The Question seems to be : Why you need so many thoughts about your sexuality ?

Important is what you feel ... not what you want to be or what you try to be...

If your soul means you want a relationship with a man... do it .. same if you want to be with a woman ...or both genders....

Give yourself a break ... in the attempt to classify you... and I´m sure that you can see it much more clear after a while. There are more colors as black and white ... maybe you a grey .. and maybe you are black and white checkered.... it is not really important.
Important is to be happy.... not to classify you... Take it much more easy.....

if anything I have gained understanding, desire to fit a group is hard to let go of.

[dfiant]

I call it the 'Fuck it' approach to life. Spend too much time trying to fit in with others wears your down so fuck it, let the rest of the world fit in around you, best way to find real friends

[hank]

I like your approach, it is everyone else that demands a lable of me.

I am not surd how to listen to myself

[dfiant]

I like your approach, it is everyone else that demands a lable of me.

I am not surd how to listen to myself

Like I said

I call it the 'Fuck it' approach to life.

[hank]

The fuck it approach works for some things, but there has to be things you care about