Not looking like a gay?
07-26-2012, 08:38 PM
I wanted to start first with an apology for the preposterous title. I really had no idea how to name it, so after long thinking, I narrowed it down to that one...
A problematic idea/issue that I faced about 2 months ago is that one person (who used to be mine somewhat crush, but happily I realized a month ago that he is a moron and stepped away from him) told me that I don't look like a gay. At first I was kind of shocked, but I quickly got to say that gay men are basically the same as all other men, so nothing in particular stands them/us away. I mentioned that in front of a few close friends and they all agreed with him that I don't look like a gay... At first I didn't know what exactly to say, but later I asked them what then would a gay teen look like. Their answer wasn't really helpful as they all said something like "Well, I don't know... You just aren't like the other..." And that was pretty much it; I never thought much about it since then, but lately I had given it more thought. My usual clothing consists of blue jeans and depending on the weather, anything from a not very flashy t-shirt/shirt, to a thin blouse, usually from "United Colors of Benetton", and a jacket. And in the summer it is colorful shorts and some t-shirt with brighter colors. I never wear something pink or controversial, I indeed blend in with all other people, and so do all the gay boys/men that I know. The reasons why I wouldn't wear something pink or controversial in some way are that I feel very comfortable in what I am wearing right now and that I am very skinny, without no muscles or whatsoever, and I wouldn't be able to protect myself if I get physically bullied by some homophobe, as I have to travel a lot by public transport to go home from school on a usual school day.
As an old saying in my country says, compromises are the solutions to all problems, I had decided to make a compromise a bit with what I wear and to go out of my comfort zone, but the problem is that I don't really know what I should compromise with. What exactly is that special clothing that somehow shows people that you are gay? Which brings me to a conversation I recently had with my aunt who came for a few days from California to visit us. When we went in downtown Sofia she noticed that the majority of men were wearing skinny jeans, shirts and a messenger bag, which I wear as well on a day-to-day basis, but wasn't on that day. And she said that in California she would assume such man is gay without a shadow of doubt. So I am very fine for California, but I really don't know what would be that "special clothing" here, in Eastern Europe, where nothing about dressing and fashion is certain... And all that would have never made me think so hard about what exactly to wear, except that a few hours ago my dad came in my room gave me money and insisted that tomorrow I go and buy myself new clothes (which I still cannot figure out why he did, but will easily agree that I really like
).
As far as my body is concerned, and not the clothes I wear, I used to be very fat, but for 3 years I managed to gradually decrease my weight and now even people tell me that I am too skinny. Although I managed to find motivation and get slim, I cannot find any motivation to go to a gym or to do exercises, all I feel like doing is to go for long jog and prepare for the 1 mile running test that we have at school. For example today I woke up early (it was 9 am, but I had not slept 8 hours, so it wasn't sufficient) and after long thinking I decided to try and do pushups. I laid on the ground, put my hands in the correct position and pushed really hard. I was barely rising up from the ground when I saw how my right hand was twitting and by the time I know I rolled to the right and hit my head in the bed, so that is what keeps me away from exercises and all. However, I feel very very comfortable with my body, yes it has no muscles, no broad shoulders, and no 6-pack, but unlike many other people, I love it I generally don't feel like doing exercises and going to a sweaty gym, but if that is what is missing from mine "gay appearance" I will have to get over my laziness and do some workouts....
So I kindly ask you for your opinion on both the clothes and the body part, as I am willing to make those compromises for a good change
A problematic idea/issue that I faced about 2 months ago is that one person (who used to be mine somewhat crush, but happily I realized a month ago that he is a moron and stepped away from him) told me that I don't look like a gay. At first I was kind of shocked, but I quickly got to say that gay men are basically the same as all other men, so nothing in particular stands them/us away. I mentioned that in front of a few close friends and they all agreed with him that I don't look like a gay... At first I didn't know what exactly to say, but later I asked them what then would a gay teen look like. Their answer wasn't really helpful as they all said something like "Well, I don't know... You just aren't like the other..." And that was pretty much it; I never thought much about it since then, but lately I had given it more thought. My usual clothing consists of blue jeans and depending on the weather, anything from a not very flashy t-shirt/shirt, to a thin blouse, usually from "United Colors of Benetton", and a jacket. And in the summer it is colorful shorts and some t-shirt with brighter colors. I never wear something pink or controversial, I indeed blend in with all other people, and so do all the gay boys/men that I know. The reasons why I wouldn't wear something pink or controversial in some way are that I feel very comfortable in what I am wearing right now and that I am very skinny, without no muscles or whatsoever, and I wouldn't be able to protect myself if I get physically bullied by some homophobe, as I have to travel a lot by public transport to go home from school on a usual school day.
As an old saying in my country says, compromises are the solutions to all problems, I had decided to make a compromise a bit with what I wear and to go out of my comfort zone, but the problem is that I don't really know what I should compromise with. What exactly is that special clothing that somehow shows people that you are gay? Which brings me to a conversation I recently had with my aunt who came for a few days from California to visit us. When we went in downtown Sofia she noticed that the majority of men were wearing skinny jeans, shirts and a messenger bag, which I wear as well on a day-to-day basis, but wasn't on that day. And she said that in California she would assume such man is gay without a shadow of doubt. So I am very fine for California, but I really don't know what would be that "special clothing" here, in Eastern Europe, where nothing about dressing and fashion is certain... And all that would have never made me think so hard about what exactly to wear, except that a few hours ago my dad came in my room gave me money and insisted that tomorrow I go and buy myself new clothes (which I still cannot figure out why he did, but will easily agree that I really like
). As far as my body is concerned, and not the clothes I wear, I used to be very fat, but for 3 years I managed to gradually decrease my weight and now even people tell me that I am too skinny. Although I managed to find motivation and get slim, I cannot find any motivation to go to a gym or to do exercises, all I feel like doing is to go for long jog and prepare for the 1 mile running test that we have at school. For example today I woke up early (it was 9 am, but I had not slept 8 hours, so it wasn't sufficient) and after long thinking I decided to try and do pushups. I laid on the ground, put my hands in the correct position and pushed really hard. I was barely rising up from the ground when I saw how my right hand was twitting and by the time I know I rolled to the right and hit my head in the bed, so that is what keeps me away from exercises and all. However, I feel very very comfortable with my body, yes it has no muscles, no broad shoulders, and no 6-pack, but unlike many other people, I love it
I generally don't feel like doing exercises and going to a sweaty gym, but if that is what is missing from mine "gay appearance" I will have to get over my laziness and do some workouts....So I kindly ask you for your opinion on both the clothes and the body part, as I am willing to make those compromises for a good change
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