self acceptance.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

Accept who you are and i think you will find the depression will get to be less and less. Well at least it did for me.

[hank]

I don’t know if I can deal with being a sick pervert for liking the same sex; just wish it would all go away.

I wouldn't say a sick pervert, but as far as not wanting to be attracted to men I agree

[pellaz]

if your internally homophobic; maybe a reason but you have to quit living in the 90"s, no one really cares if you are gay or straight; so long as you got stuff together.

[chillythoughts]

If we can choose, I guess quite a number of us would choose not to be gay.
Life is just much easier.

I would still choose to be gay actually. back to hank.

I knew I was gay for the longest time but to hide it, I would bash gays but the past few years I came to accept myself and have came out to alot of people to be honest, cus of the way I was, people were surprised. I told them, I tried to hide it cus I was afraid of what people would think and what not and I didnt want to accept it but I came to a conclussion, yes I am gay and needed to accept myself before society would accept me and my friends understood after I said that.

Maybe you should try that. It could help, it might not. But its worth a try.

[bryandurel]

Ricky Martin is so beautiful!

[archubbycub]

Hank I know exactly what you are going through. I fought it so hard for 21 years simply because I was told by society/parents that it was wrong. And I made some terrible mistakes because of that. But when I finally accepted who I am and realized this was not a fight I could win, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Am I paying for my mistakes, yes mos definitely! But it does get better in time! Surround yourself with people who love you and understand what you are going through and peel back those layers that have built up. You'll find that down deep, you are a beautiful person inside.

[ChadCoxRox]

if your internally homophobic; maybe a reason but you have to quit living in the 90"s, no one really cares if you are gay or straight; so long as you got stuff together.

"Internal homophobia" is exactly what I was thinking reading through this thread. It is not as easy as "quitting living in the '90's though because people DO care if your are gay or straight even when they act like they don't and yes, maybe not as much if you seem to "have your stuff together." BUT the point is, deep seated and learned internal homophobia can be VERY debilitating and the results can be very interestingly disguised with all sorts of dysfunctional behavioral patterns.

The very best option might be to see a professional to talk about the matter in more detail. You might could find local support that would help you see how your level of awareness of just how much the "internal homophobia" has affected you has been up and down and likely more hindering than helping.

I still struggle with early childhood learned homophobia surfacing when I least expect it despite having worked on the issue for a long time. It's definitely worth the effort because the more you look for it, acknowledge it and expose it to yourself, the more you grow in your ability to not only accept yourself but improve your relationships and your lifestyle in general.

Best wishes!!!