Does one actually have to 'come out' to be accepted?

[bryandurel]

just be yourself and you wont ever have to come out. i know this sounds weird but if you're just YOU.

[monk]

If you don't tell people one of the most important things about you, just exactly what are they "accepting"? A false front? A lie?

Nah, publish and be damned! :biggrin:

[ATXtoLA]

I always wondered about parents, lived with their gay boy 15-20years in the same house and dont already know he is indeed very gay. He comes out to them and he becomes a different person. I hope it isnt done like this any more.

I wonder that too. I see a lot of people move to the city and all of a sudden accept themselves, but in doing so, they become very flamboyant and create a gregarious personality. Is that b/c they are happy?... and gay? Haha.

[ATXtoLA]

The last time I spoke with my mother she insisted I was with a Danielle, truth is I'm with a Daniel.

My boyfriend has divorced parents as do I. He told his mom. His mom absolutely refuses to talk about it. If my bf brings it up, she doesn't say a word. But it's okay for her to ask how if he is still gay and when he replies, she changes the subject right after. It's really hard for my bf but that's her close mindedness that's halting a relationship with her son.

I don't hide who I am, I just don't see the point in making a huge deal over it. I don't feel a need to stand there digging my toe into the ground and having to screw up the courage to admit that I am something. I just live my life and let people figure it out by who I am with. No, not all the people in my life have a clue. Some people think that my partner is my kid brother. Some think we are only bachelor roommates - a few people I know have no idea that I have a personal life at all:o.

I don't go around saying I'm gay to everyone. Most of the time, if it's a girl, and I don't check them out, they automatically know. I've heard them whisper, "Oh, he must be gay and that must be his boyfriend." Bitch, yes it is, thank youu. :-P But if someone were to ask, I'm not going to deny it. My sexuality shouldn't be a topic of discussion just as we are not discussing a straight friends heterosexuality.

No straight person has to screw up the courage to "confess" thy are heterosexual -

Exactly. If it's not necessary for a heterosexual to confess their sexuality, why should we?

[ATXtoLA]

The simple answer to the question, people come out so they can have family. Think about it, what's the use of having a partner if you have to hide them as a 'friend' or 'house mate'.

Hiding your sexuality limits you.

I definitely agree on two notes. You come out so your blood family can understand you whether they accept you or not. But as a homosexual society, we are all family and support each other b/c if you in fact don't have that blood family support, it's f**king hard!

[ATXtoLA]

I don't like hiding myself so I don't. But I also don't feel the need to "come out." I talk about my boyfriend casually with people and if they act like it's a big shocker then I've just made them look a fool as they're freaking out and I'm just casually chatting.

I like what you said about it being casual. If you talk about it, it really shouldn't be a big deal. If someone isn't comfortable with it, they need to leave the room.

I think perhaps more people should ask themselves, "What will make my life happier and more fulfilling?" rather than "What am I supposed to do?"

Will coming out to friends and family make me happier or will it make my life worse? I don't think anyone should live in fear though...

[ATXtoLA]

If you don't tell people one of the most important things about you, just exactly what are they "accepting"? A false front? A lie?

Nah, publish and be damned! :biggrin:

Haha. I agree. If you don't tell people, you are putting a false front. People should know and respect your choice. But going about it... does one bring it up nonchalantly? Or does one make it a sit-down-we-need-to-talk conversation?

I'm all for nonchalantly. The whole sit-down situation is not necessarily over the top but somewhat unnecessary. There's a word I'm looking for that I can't find to describe the 'sit-down-i'm-gay conversation.'

[ATXtoLA]

Well no, that doesn't reflect reality. First of all, there is no single form of rejection or acceptance. Rejection and acceptance can overlap. Also, I'd wager the majority of gay people rejected completely by their family do not commit suicide.

Um, unless your parents have some sort of severe mental disability, bringing home a guy would be equivalent to coming out. If they were predisposed to cutting their child out of their life over their sexual orientation, this wouldn't exactly work in reality, would it?

Like I said above, that would just amount to coming out in a different way. Also, I think you don't quite get what rejection means if you think someone with close-minded parents can just bring someone home and nothing will be said.

I'm sorry if I made it seem the majority of unaccepted and rejected homosexuals commit suicide. It was an extreme. I agree about the rejection and acceptance overlapping. Wouldn't someone be rejected b/c they were not accepted?

Bringing a guy home would be the nonchalant way of saying "I'm gay." A different way of coming out, like you said. It seems most of the time a homosexual was cut out of the blood family though was b/c of extremely religious parents. Right?

I'm all for stirring the pot when appropriate. But at the chance of losing your parents and blood family? I don't agree a coming out conversation is the best way.

[ATXtoLA]

SIDE NOTE:

Small, town country boy moves to West Hollywood or Castro. (I'm being very movie-script here.) You accept yourself. You break the mold and become a flaming homosexual b/c you're proud and that's you who are. We accept you and invite you into our family. But take a close look at mainstream homosexuality. It is a society of itself that judges and forms it's own stereotypes. It's like once you are comfortable being gay you're still being bashed in this huge community. But maybe that's why I'm not one for the gayborhoods.

[ThatWentWell]

The way I go about "coming out" is that I don't go around flaunting my homosexuality, but if someone asks me I'm not going to deny it. Straight people don't have to go around informing everyone of their sexuality so why should I have to? I'm just a person same as them. And when I do finally find a guy I'll bring him home and my family can figure it out on their own.