What Should I Do?
08-01-2012, 01:37 AM
Hey everyone, I figured this would be the best place I could get some advice. Sorry, It's going to be a wall of text.
So here's the deal, I have this friend (and he's literally a friend of mine, this isn't code) who has been giving me mixed signals for quite some time now and I had a discussion with him about it, I asked if we stood as anything as more than just friends. He said that although he finds me attractive, trustworthy and 'special' (his own words) he just doesn't see me as anything as more than a friend. According to him, his relationships don't last more than a few weeks before he gets 'bored' of the person and drops them.
This angered me a little having been getting mixed signals (friends who I've asked advice from say the same thing and even my flatmate thought we were together the first time he met him because of the flirty way he acts around me. We've even kissed a couple of times), so I asked him upright if he was playing me or something, if he even respected me. We then had another discussion and he was quite insulted by it, I apologised but told him I needed to know if he was sincerely someone who cared. We eventually left on what I thought was good terms, I apologised for the reaction he took but I needed to know where we stood. He accepted the apology and we left on seemingly good terms.
He said he would speak to me the next day, to which I didn't hear from him until 2am the next night while I was out with one of my friends. I replied to the text and never got an answer. I then tried speaking to him on the Sunday and he didn't seem responsive or interested in talking to me at all, it got to the point where he just didn't even reply.
So I left it for about a week and I text him the other night asking if he was coming to my birthday weekend (which is this weekend), and he said that given the 'circumstances', he wasn't going to. I asked what he meant by that and he replied that I hadn't been speaking to him for the whole week when we usually speak everyday for quite a length of time. I felt like he wanted some space from the lack of interest on the Sunday night, so I gave him some and I told him this and I apologised again for any awkwardness the previous discussion may have caused. He said it was fine and all for me to apologise and want to move on because I caused the 'weirdness' and he still feels uncomfortable since we last spoke face to face. He said he feels we need space, he can't keep hanging around with me and it ending up with drama or being accused of something with no basis to it (despite the fact there are plenty examples..).
At this point I just asked if he even wanted to be my friend any more because that's what it sounded like to me. I asked why he thought we needed space but brought up the fact we haven't been talking like we usually have. He then spitefully asked how he 'can't want space but wonder about your welfare at the same time?' and that 'sometimes people actually care, deal with it.'.
I replied saying how I was just being friendly and asking if he wanted to spend some time to celebrate my birthday, I could've easily have not bothered in asking, but I never. To which he replied that he 'wouldn't have "just not bothered"' and that 'for someone who makes it clear that I care for you, you're making it far too difficult to do so.'
Obviously that was quite a low blow and made me both angry and hurt, so I basically told him that if he comes then it's great and if not then it's not going to stop me from going out with my other friends. That I went a week without speaking to him and asked a simple question and he had given his answer. To which he replied, 'I guess that's it then.'
Which I responded with 'Okay, don't come. Thanks for at least being honest.'. And that's the last that was said between us since then.
I don't really want to lose him as a friend but I also can't help but still care for him despite the fact he said he doesn't want anything romantically, to which I'm still trying to just repress/erase those feelings for him (easier said than done). But I don't want to be a walk over either and have to initiate every form of contact that we have. He clearly felt awkward talking to me but still brought it up as an issue when I didn't try again the next day. I'm really not expecting anything more to happen between us, but we get on really well despite the few arguments and incidents we've had.
Does anyone have any advice as to how I should play this out? Should I just wait for him to contact me next (if he even does?). I've never really been in this situation before, so I really appreciate any advice that you guys can offer.
So here's the deal, I have this friend (and he's literally a friend of mine, this isn't code) who has been giving me mixed signals for quite some time now and I had a discussion with him about it, I asked if we stood as anything as more than just friends. He said that although he finds me attractive, trustworthy and 'special' (his own words) he just doesn't see me as anything as more than a friend. According to him, his relationships don't last more than a few weeks before he gets 'bored' of the person and drops them.
This angered me a little having been getting mixed signals (friends who I've asked advice from say the same thing and even my flatmate thought we were together the first time he met him because of the flirty way he acts around me. We've even kissed a couple of times), so I asked him upright if he was playing me or something, if he even respected me. We then had another discussion and he was quite insulted by it, I apologised but told him I needed to know if he was sincerely someone who cared. We eventually left on what I thought was good terms, I apologised for the reaction he took but I needed to know where we stood. He accepted the apology and we left on seemingly good terms.
He said he would speak to me the next day, to which I didn't hear from him until 2am the next night while I was out with one of my friends. I replied to the text and never got an answer. I then tried speaking to him on the Sunday and he didn't seem responsive or interested in talking to me at all, it got to the point where he just didn't even reply.
So I left it for about a week and I text him the other night asking if he was coming to my birthday weekend (which is this weekend), and he said that given the 'circumstances', he wasn't going to. I asked what he meant by that and he replied that I hadn't been speaking to him for the whole week when we usually speak everyday for quite a length of time. I felt like he wanted some space from the lack of interest on the Sunday night, so I gave him some and I told him this and I apologised again for any awkwardness the previous discussion may have caused. He said it was fine and all for me to apologise and want to move on because I caused the 'weirdness' and he still feels uncomfortable since we last spoke face to face. He said he feels we need space, he can't keep hanging around with me and it ending up with drama or being accused of something with no basis to it (despite the fact there are plenty examples..).
At this point I just asked if he even wanted to be my friend any more because that's what it sounded like to me. I asked why he thought we needed space but brought up the fact we haven't been talking like we usually have. He then spitefully asked how he 'can't want space but wonder about your welfare at the same time?' and that 'sometimes people actually care, deal with it.'.
I replied saying how I was just being friendly and asking if he wanted to spend some time to celebrate my birthday, I could've easily have not bothered in asking, but I never. To which he replied that he 'wouldn't have "just not bothered"' and that 'for someone who makes it clear that I care for you, you're making it far too difficult to do so.'
Obviously that was quite a low blow and made me both angry and hurt, so I basically told him that if he comes then it's great and if not then it's not going to stop me from going out with my other friends. That I went a week without speaking to him and asked a simple question and he had given his answer. To which he replied, 'I guess that's it then.'
Which I responded with 'Okay, don't come. Thanks for at least being honest.'. And that's the last that was said between us since then.
I don't really want to lose him as a friend but I also can't help but still care for him despite the fact he said he doesn't want anything romantically, to which I'm still trying to just repress/erase those feelings for him (easier said than done). But I don't want to be a walk over either and have to initiate every form of contact that we have. He clearly felt awkward talking to me but still brought it up as an issue when I didn't try again the next day. I'm really not expecting anything more to happen between us, but we get on really well despite the few arguments and incidents we've had.
Does anyone have any advice as to how I should play this out? Should I just wait for him to contact me next (if he even does?). I've never really been in this situation before, so I really appreciate any advice that you guys can offer.
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