There are other things

[MrMcfat3]

I have 1 gay friend. This friend lives 54 miles from me, so we haven't met in person. We're planning to, but when I talk to him about what we're gonna do then, he says he wants to just have sex. Now, I've never done anything with anyone, so it sounds interesting to experiment, but we can do other things, like go swimming or something. How do I tell him that I don't intend to do anal on our first meeting in person?

[ChadCoxRox]

you say exactly that!!! and quickly to get it over with so you won't have to worry about it one tit more!

[Buring]

Exactly what CCRox said...
Be upfront about it.

[LateBloomer]

you say exactly that!!! and quickly to get it over with so you won't have to worry about it one tit more!

The direct approach will definitely work.

But if you want to leave yourself a little "wiggle room" for "experimentation" you may want to try a little more "diplomacy".

Something like, "I'm looking forward to meeting you and getting to know you better. I am interested in some casual exploration, but I don't have much experience so I'd like to go pretty slow. But I'm also interested in hanging out as friends."

See how that goes.


If he responds, "I just wanna fuck," well....you might have a little problem.
Good luck.

[azulai]

I think you need to tell him before you meet him because based on what you wrote it sounds like he's looking for a fuck buddy. There's nothing wrong with having a fuck buddy but you still have to advocate for yourself, protect yourself, or be proactive. No one else is going to do it for you.

I hope you work on what you want to say and say it with confidence. I also hope you meet this guy NO MATTER HOW LONG you've talked to/"known" him online in public. Don't worry so much about a missed opportunity as protecting your life.

I also think you should not be afraid to have conversations about sexual history. There was a guy online here a while back that did hookups but said he told every guy he met he was a virgin. lol. Please don't take anyone's word and let him bareback you.

Safe sex is important. Our age group has the highest increase in HIV infections

Despite stable rates of HIV diagnosis in older populations, the rate of HIV diagnoses from 2006 to 2009 increased in young people 15-19 and 20-24 years of age and was highest in the 20-24 year-old age group (36.9 per 100,000).[1] Undiagnosed HIV cases are thought to be high among young people. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) 2009 estimates indicate that the proportion of those living with HIV infection who had undiagnosed HIV is greatest among youth age 13-24 years (59.5%) as compared to adults (25-34 years: 28.1%; 35-44 years: 15.4%; 45-54 years: 11.2%; 55-64 years: 10.6%; and ≥65 years: 11.3%).

.

Read up on other sexually transmitted diseases like hep B and C, herpes and HPV.

I think you are right in wanting to get to know that person like you are suggesting and determine if you want to be with him.

[Rainbowmum]

Make sure you tell him straight up before you meet with him.
Stick to your guns on this one.

[57lambertr]

be honest up front, never pays to lie

[drobs]

Tip for you meet somewhere public. Starbucks - someplace like that.

There are a lot of trolls out there pretending to be things they are not.

Story time. When I was young and dumb... I met a guy off of Gay.com at a resturant (big mistake) this was Chili's type restuarant. This guy looked nothing like his picture. He was short fat balding troll. He was obviously much older than I and lied about his age.

Not my type at all!

Anyways I get there 1st and get a table he comes up and sits down I look at him and I'm like NO WAY! I screwed up in I ordered a burger. He orders a burger, we eat in a awkward silence. We have nothing in comon at all. The bill comes and...

You got it!

I got stuck with the bill.

Learned that lesson the hard way.

Always meet for Starbucks or a drink at the bar.

[Blue]

Assuming this guy is what he represents himself to be; just be honest and tell him upfront. There is nothing wrong with not doing anal on a first date, or not doing it ever if that's your choice.

I don't have sex on the first date, nor the second or third. by four maybe oral, but that's after a health discussion and, that's why they make flavored condoms. Honestly I have only engaged in anal with four of my past partners, it isn't required - there are lots of other, generally safer, ways to pleasure each other.

NEVER do anything with anyone you are not comfortable and willing to do with them, no matter what they say or how much they try to beg and cajole you into it.

[MrMcfat3]

Just an update on the situation with my friend. I've called it off now. I don't want to hang out with someone who hasn't made any attempts to return my messages, and who hangs up immediately after realizing who's on the phone.