ftm help?

[James]

Hmmm, maybe the tomboy avenue wold suffice at this time, there have been many, many, girls with the tomboy attitude, which has nothing to do with gender id, may at least buy you some time, James

[OrphanPip]

I think you're young and you have a number of avenues open to you as of right now.

It's OK to be confused about your gender identity, and I know from trans friends that it is not always an easy process, just as sexual orientation is not always so easy for someone to figure out. Some people have the sense that they've known all along that their gender was different from the one assigned at birth, others take years to settle down into a gender identity that is comfortable for them, whether that be no-op, transsexual, genderqueer or just a tomboy. Don't feel like you have to rush to figure these things out, sometimes it's enough to just admit that you don't feel like a girl in the same way most girls feel, and you can work out the details of your feelings over time.

I agree with dfiant that honesty and open discussion is often the best course of action. At the same time, you are 17 and thus dependent on the support of your parents so it can be a very difficult position when the power dynamics are not equal between you and your parents.

Best of luck.

[ChadCoxRox]

Mom already knows. So what's the problem? Most moms are thought to be harrassing by their teen offspring. I don't see you seeing the problem clearly and I can only guess...but I do know with certainty that their has been a GREAT deal of success in counseling to relieve gender identity issues. So I HIGHLY encourage you to find some great satisfaction by seeking out professional and confidential help! Do not put it off, the sooner you start the sooner you'll be glad you did!

[ChadCoxRox]

Telling your mum everything you have just told us wouldn't hurt. She has watched and been confused, now is the time to talk to her.

Especially since she already knows!!!!

[dfiant]

Especially since she already knows!!!!

Exactly my point, thank you.

Wish someone else could see this

[Nick9]

The thing is my mum doesnt see this change, she still wants me to wear dresses and wear girly clothes.

Mom already knows. So what's the problem?

Hi CCRox,
Well, her mother knows that Alec don't want to wear a dress. And she has problem even with that simple thing.

I guess the problem Alec may have, is what her mother will think if she reveals that she may have problems with her identity.
That's why I suggested to insist on the men's clothing, but not to say more yet.

[ChadCoxRox]

Wish someone else could see this

It's not that they can't. It sometimes requires some experience and maturation to see and embrace the likely and obvious despite clear proof. That comes from growing to the point of feeling comfortable when you're wrong and need to admit.

We clearly know we can be wrong and don't give a rat's ass what others think when we admit it! (all in love stud...all in love)

[ChadCoxRox]

Hi CCRox,
Well, her mother knows that Alec don't want to wear a dress. And she has problem even with that simple thing.

I guess the problem Alec may have, is what her mother will think if she reveals that she may have problems with her identity.
That's why I suggested to insist on the men's clothing, but not to say more yet.

Agreed and I did gather that; however, I was saying mom already knows about the gender identity concern and maybe understands more than we know despite her acceptance. Mom "wants" is not the same as mom expects, demands and our friend may be putting pressure on her own self that is attributed to mom. Mom already "thinks" what she thinks about the matter and she probably needs to be respected enough to simply ask her what that is. Of course I understand using caution and doing so in one's own time. So I certainly hope it all plays out well despite the discomfort.

[ChadCoxRox]

Mothers wanting their daughters to wear dresses and be feminine is not "having a problem". Mothers and daughters not being close enough to share the intimate pain of gender identity concerns is "a problem." Mothers can be VERY powerful supports even when they disagree and openly wish for the opposite. Of course not all daughters can trust their moms and not all moms are worth of trust. We just don't have enough info to go further at this point. I hope the OP will stay engaged here!