Long Distance Advice

[lowalker147]

My boyfriend and I broke up today, well sort of, more like putting it on pause. He's afraid of doing long distance and feels like we should see what college brings into our lives without having to worry about the other texting/calling/skyping and all the jealousy and mistrust that can come. We said we'd wait until Thanksgiving or Christmas to see if we want to continue. It's all really confusing because during all this he was still calling me baby, saying I love you and even cuddling and holding hands. When he left, he even kissed me and said I love you. I don't see myself with anyone else. I know I'll be meeting lots of people in college, but I went into this very committed and for distance to break us is hard on me. I'm open to doing long distance but I won't force it if he's not comfortable. The only thing to do is just to wait it out. Has anyone had a similar experience?

[azulai]

I'm sorry you're hurting right now.

As you process through this consider that it's better that he was honest and upfront before you both leave for college. I actually think it is a good move and a wise one. I respect the fact that he met with you face to face and you were able to discuss things together.

Another reason that I think this is not a bad idea is that I would hate for you to get the phone call or text from him in the middle of your exams that he wants to break up or he slept with someone.

As you said, you are going to meet a lot of people. I've changed so much from high school, from my first year to now entering my senior year at uni. Have you gone to orientation yet? There's going to be so much going on.

The only thing I've experienced just slightly similar is that I did "pause" my relationship when I was a bit overwhelmed with school, coming out to my family and decisions. I was the one to initiate it and it was what it was; not so much about my feelings toward my bf but more about my stress levels. But my bf is more mature than I am and very patient and he never stopped being my friend. He did wait things out. I did appreciate the space. I am someone who has to work things out for myself and at times by myself. But it ended up being the best for us and a positive for our relationship.

So your guy might be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the stress of going to college. He might have to experience what he's missing in you. Respect the fact that he is being upfront and honest and build from there. You may even surprise yourself when Nov/Dec gets here and how you feel (possibly relieved).

I'm not discounting your feelings or how difficult this is for you and like I said, I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Blue]

I know it hurts, and not having closure, knowing he does love you makes it even harder to deal with. Like you, I'd be fine with long distance as long as I knew we would at least see each other a few times a year but, he sounds like he isn't okay with that. It's better that he was honest and let you know that and, his feelings for you as well than for you to find out he went behind your back with someone else.

You're both young, and you may yet come back together, but don't let yourself get stuck in that hope. You've a lot on your plate with college, meeting new people and, it won't do you or him any good for you to put your life or happiness on hold in hopes you get back together after college. Take some time to miss him, don't give up your friendship, but don't be afraid of someone new either.