I dont understand my sexuality.

[nwwm]

Hey everyone. I want to warn you this thread will reveal sexual preferences of mine that you may not want to hear(nothing offensive, I dont think anyway)... I just need help understanding myself. I want to know if any of you have been in a similar situation.

I dont necessarily identify as gay, I occasionally think of myself as bisexual. I like women, but there are some complications that I would like to explore. I want to hear everyones perspectives on this. Dont hold back at all

a few things about me:
I dont like gay porn. I occasionally get in the mood for it(less than 10 times a year id say), but overall, I would say that its not my thing.

I look at bisexual porn frequently, where two guys often have sex with each other, but theres always a woman.

I like preop (and post op) transexuals, as well as cross dressers.

I enjoy receiving anal penetration.

I am immensely curious to see what giving a man oral is like.

The guys that I tend to like, are often way more feminine than the average man.

I used to be intensely homophobic. I am not anymore, and im extremely supportive of LGBT rights, and im not afraid to show anyone that. But the idea of actually having sex with a man (just to try it out) is kind of scary.

I recently had sex with a woman, and I couldnt stay interested and I started to freak out in my head thinking that perhaps I was gay. I almost blurted it out. I know I dont have any problems down there, I almost want to say I have an over active sex drive. In the past I had sex with women and never had a problem(in fact, I used to have sex with a girl multiple times every day for about 4 years straight)... I dont know if its just a case of getting older and pickier with women or if my sexuality is slowly changing/becoming more dominant or something. I definitely see women as beautiful, and attractive, but im honestly afraid to try and have sex with them at this point because I think perhaps theres something subconscious in me that just flat out prefers men, and maybe im just ignoring it or something.

Does my story sound familiar to anyone? I dont really know how to go about this post, so im sorry if it sounds kind of convoluted or something. I really just want to hear what you have to say, because I am very confused at the moment.

[Dreamer]

I think you shouldn't be putting so much pressure on trying to figure everything out all in one single definition.

just be.

Labels are so overrated.

Just have fun, and don't beat yourself up for what you may or may not enjoy sexually.

Continue to experiment, and have patience with yourself.

Life is short, but not that short, so give yourself time to figure it all out.

Best of luck !

[fenris]

Hi and welcome :-)

I can´t see a problem ... you like gay and bisexual porn and don´t want to have Sex with mens - thats all
To watch gay porns does not mean that you are gay .... and many gay-guys watch straight porn and would never have sex with a women - its just a turn on thing... not more.
Maybe someday you want to try it ... but ... as long it scares you why you should do it ? Have fun at watching it ... but don´t think about a Problem if you watch it.

[BobInTampa]

Ok, so first off, what you're feeling is VERY, VERY, VERY COMMON!!! You're not the only guy who has or does feel the way you do.

If you have access to mental health resources (ie: you have healthcare and can see a counselor), i would take advantage of that and find an therapist with experience in helping people work thru their sexual identity.

All we can give you is "dime-store-psychology" but your sentence about you being a homophobe in the past is actually one of the core issues driving your issues.

Most of what you posted focuses on the need to "validate" your need to NOT identify as a gay man. Lots of guys who are dealing with their orientation do what you do - which is to have some FEMALE involved in your sexual life (be it real time, cyber or porn). You see, in your mind, having a girl involved "proves" to your subconscious that you can't be gay.

I'm not going to address issues of bisexuality in this reply.

Right now your mind is having a battle. Your upbringing and initial socialization says that you SHOULD be 100% heterosexual - you've even had successful hetero sex....but over time, that's changed and now there's a battle going on - one voice says, "NO, you have to be str8 or maybe a bit bi, but you can't be gay - it's wrong, a sin, etc." The other voice says, "Try all you want, but you know that your full and complete happiness will not come with a woman, and that no matter waht you do to try and diffuse the issue, eventually you'll come to accept the fact that you're gay."

Those are powerful voices and that's why i think you should find a good therapist to help you work things out.

[pellaz]

porn is not a good indication of anything. Gay Bi or straight it is choreographed to make money. Enjoy it but thats about all, it has little meaning. The definition of gay is the ability to to be in a same sex relationship with success.

Your trying to put a label on things that yourself you cant define. This usually bad. I would suggest you get a hold of a British TV series "Hit&Miss" and watch it, its fun. A sexual preference can be extended to m-m (5-8%) or m-f (90% of the population), there is a few percentage missing still. The most important thing is to find someone who loves you, dosnt matter if he or she is male or female gender. Dont get into a relationship your not any good at because its the acceptable thing to do or a cult you need to follow.

"The guys that I tend to like, are often way more feminine than the average man"
my partner is very gay (feminine). We joke about it a lot but as a couple my husband and I fit together somehow. differences attract. He is completely opposite form the person my grinder profile was meant to attract so what went wrong or right? for the society we live in masculine or feminine is a lie, we all have office jobs essentially.

"I used to be intensely homophobic"
usually a indication your are LGBT. good to hear you said your sorry and moved on.

"I definitely see women as beautiful, and attractive, but im honestly afraid to try and have sex with them at this point because I think perhaps theres something subconscious in me that just flat out prefers men, and maybe im just ignoring it or something."
-my partner (recall he is very gay) likes the ladies. He has many girl friends but never has done straight sex.
-As you grow older you are less self conscious. A older man has more history that people will judge you on rather than the the range of possible future out comes for a young man. So considering what you said; stripping away a society that is so negative on gays; what sexual preference do you have as a individual and its only a preference.

[Blue]

Don't box yourself in, not everyone fits into one of the predefined sexuality groups. I won't label you, that's up to you to decide if you want a label though, I would say, if I had to define you sexually, pansexual might fit best.

I'm gay but, that doesn't mean I don't see the beauty in women, I do just not the sexual appeal of the female body. You are on the right track in overcoming your homophobic attitude, just be open to any possibility for yourself and, enjoy who you are.

[TomStatic]

When i was younger i use to have such bad crushes on girls i liked would get some nervous when i seen and talked with them, but when i kisses them i knew something was wrong , but when i experimented with guys i still felt strange but was turned on alot more than girls, then just mentally clicked in my brain my comfort with finally been able to say i was gay and not just stick with bi which i could not shake of for years, think u just need more experience with the same sex and u will be comfortable with your self than

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi and Welcome.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Most humans are bisexual.

I'm like 7-up when it comes to women, never had it, never will.

But (and its a big one) I have been sexually attracted to two women in 46 years. Attracted not only in the idea of what it would be like to have sex with them, but attracted to the point where my heart did back flips and I seriously contemplated marriage, children, white picket fences and a mortgage on a McMansion.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) both were lesbians and appeared to have no interest in me.

I carry the label gay because out of the 8 people I have been in a relationship with or have gone to bed with, 8 were men, 0 were women. I also carry the label because I'm in one of those long haul relationships (14 years) with a man. Yet there is the minor truth that I have had an attraction to at least two women.

So you are attracted to TS/TG/Effeminate men. What is wrong with that?

Nothing.

Why? Because there are in the world TS/TG/Effeminate men who are looking for a person just like you - some one who is attracted to them.

Odds are high (very high actually) that you are bisexual to some degree.

Homophobia is one of the top ten 'symptoms' of a closeted gay/bi person.

From day one you were programmed to be against these alternatives to straight. You were told that LGBT is sick, perverted, ugly, nasty, wrong, a sure ticket to hell and all manner of things. Yet you found that somewhere inside of you you had these feelings, and out of fear and self doubt and a lack of understanding that LGBT is as normal as straight (for LGBT people). Your reactions to the fear and loathing of that which you were told millions of times is wrong - inside of you, lead to your expressing anger/hate/fear/distaste of that which is in you to others who are openly or knowingly 'like that'.

Your reaction(s) were a result of the abuse you received at the hands of society. Fortunately for you you are now in the process of coming to terms with the 'real you' - that LGBT aspect of you, thus you are becoming more accepting of LGBT in others.

Many LGBT people have been there, and many do regret being homophobic. Its not all your (or their) fault, its a reaction to a culture that sows the seeds of hatred.

Your doubts, concerns, questions are normal - very normal. You are acutely and painfully human in all of that. The real problem here for you is balancing the ideologies of a sick and twisted primitive society against realities which are beyond the understanding of most humans.

Humans are fixated on the Us vs Them concept. Thus we have nations and wars, we have race hatred, religion hatred, age hatred, gender hatred - all manner of hatred over petty differences that in reality don't exist or matter.

You are currently on the path of becoming more than your basic programing. You are finding acceptance not only of others, but most important of self.

There is nothing wrong in your feelings as long as what you desire is out of love or for love.

[Rainbowmum]

First let me say Welcome to G.S.

Second. There is nothing wrong with you, you are really over thinking this .
Calm down still your mind from racing of with the "what's wrong with me.... am I ... am I not".

Look at nature ,bisexual behaviour is normal , it's 100% natural , there is nothing to freak out about.
Please stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

[Drew]

I had a somewhat similar experience growing up, in that I was primarily straight/attracted to women up until my early to mid twenties. That's when I kinda went through a strong bisexual phase and now I primarily understand myself to be gay (although about a few days out of the year I get strongly turned on by women, but the feeling dissipates....I'm gay 99% of the time, you could say ).

I've realized it's a masculine vibe thing.....I'm not really attracted to fem types (not that there is anything wrong with being fem....but a buddy took me down to a few of the "macho" bars in Provincetown, MA, the other week and it was an eye opener....I suddenly felt not misfit-y for the first time at a gay bar in a long time) but I find myself checking out boyishly-cute lesbians from time to time. It's that raw masculine energy and I find it ever so intoxicating.

Find out what vibe fits you and go with it. Give yourself permission to explore for a while.