I screwed up :(

[bryandurel]

I've had fantasies about being dominated by a larger man for a very long time and I've been seeing a man recently who fits the bill (he's 6'5 and I'm 5'8).

The thing about him is I'm a bit afraid (actually very afraid). He's very gentle, kind, caring and considerate (I hope this doesn't sound like I'm reading off a personal ad lol). The thing is that we have not started having sex yet mainly because I'm not quick to rush there and the kissing is just amazing.

Sometimes I feel his hand go around my neck while we're kissing and I want him to squeeze just a bit and order me to do something. Two nights back in a similar scenario, I think I whispered something on the lines of:

"Please, tell me what to do!"

And all of a sudden he stopped, went "huh", got up and left.

He hasn't called me back since and I havent had the courage to call him up either. I miss him and want to see him again and I don't really know what to do.

[fenris]

Not enough input....

you said " tell me whats to do".... have you experiences with a man ? Or was it the first try ?

Then it can be that he don´t want to teach a newbie....

It seems for me that you want a SM-Partner ( domination )... And in this kind of relationships the m-part is not the part who give the rules... A S-part has - by prior agreement + "stop" codeword - the right to do with you what he want´s to do... till you use the codeword.
Who knows .. maybe it annoys him that you talk to him in that moment.
SM-Relationships are different.... and as a newbie you should always say that you are a newbie ... or you can be very fast in a - I don´´t want to say "dangerous" ... so I say - uncomfortable role.

If you like him .... I would call him ... ask him whats wrong.... I think thats the best way to know whats happened.

For my experiences it is very important if you want to be dominated that you know the people or the guy.... or it may be that you wake up someday chained in some cellar.
And have a look that the guy you are with knows what he does... if you want that your partner squeeze your neck ...you should take care that your partner is good trained in first aid.

[BobInTampa]

Well, perhaps you should look at this as a "learning opportunity." Clearly, what you said freaked him out. I'm guessing you weren't upfront with him about your sexual fantasies regarding being submissive to a bigger man. I"m betting he immediatly snapped and feels betrayed and mislead about your attraction to him AND your role in a relationship!

When it comes to your "desires" with a guy, you have to be very mindful about how and when you discuss your sexual fantasies. There's no "set" way to do it because each guy is different. BUt, to be honest, talking online or via text is actually a good way to bring up the subject BEFORE you're in an intimate situation and the same thing happens.

As far as this guy goes, you should drop him an email or text and tell him you want to talk - if he agrees, just apologize for what you said and that it might have spooked him and then listen to what he says as to why he ran out. It woudnlt surprise me if he's self conscious about his size and touchy about the fact that so many smaller guys want him to be a "dominant" - even tho he is NOT interested in that kind of relationship.

Listen and learn. Adapt and grow!

[Jake]

Why not text him? If you're too afraid to speak write him a text or email and just ask. you have nothing to lose by communicating with him!

[Blue]

Though I am versatile, that is for non BDSM partners, or if I choose to top from the bottom in BDSM play. When it comes to BDSM I am a Dom and have been a master in one relationship. You sound like you want to be a sub. (submissive) and that's great. There are Doms that will gladly train you BUT, there are also so called Doms that use it as a power play.

Rule one, you need the Dom and you to at least sign a copy of the creed, preferably a full contract. No it isn't legally binding but, it sets both of your rights and responsibilities in writing for such relationships, which can be and often are loving, fulfilling, enjoyable relationships for both. By it's nature BDSM opens the door to potential abuse a lot wider. Some of what we do could be considered abuse if it were done in a vanilla (non BDSM) relationship and, that is why the creed and contract are important.

You also need to get specific as far as what you are definitely okay doing, what you have not done but want to do, what you will do but are not entirely comfortable doing and, what you will not do at all.

As for this man, talk to him, perhaps he doesn't want to be a Dom or doesn't want to train a new sub, or just doesn't like subs that talk and try to set the pace. I'm like that when I Dom, my sub will not make suggestions or even hint as to when I should do what, that's my decision unless I specifically tell them to show or tell me what they want.

Here are some links that might help you:
Dominant information and Creed: http://www.submissiveloving.com/maledom.html
Submissive's Creed: http://www.bcwsd.com/backroom/library/ar...creed.html
Examples of BDSM Contracts: http://www.bdsmcircle.net/dslifestyle/contracts.htm

[East]

You might have confused his physcial size with him being dominant but the truth is size has nothing to do with being either dominant or submissive.

[dfiant]

He is looking for a relationship, and those sweet little words you whispered in his ear sounded to him like 'I want sex'. You have scared the poor guy off and all the apologies and explanations won't change that.

Sorry, but I think this is a loss that you are going to have to deal with.

[Rainbowmum]

I think you scared him off , perhaps you can sms him.
Give it a try , he deserves an explanation.

[bryandurel]

sigh

i'll e-mail him and see how it goes.

[richangel44]

my question is why do you want to be dominated most people who do are people who are in charge of others or have a very stressful world they live in...plus have you always felt this way or is it just something that came on when you met this guy....he may not be the dominating or a dominating person