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first love story.. sort of
hello everyone i am new here and i wanted to tell you guys this story about me sorry its very long but i wanted to share it thanks.. not using real names

His name was John. Tall, handsome, and had the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. He had this thing about him that made everyone want to be friends with him. He was an outlaw but very straight forward with his words and wisdom. John was the older brother type of guy to everyone, but to me he was my first lover.
I first met him on our way to Athens, Georgia to our MOS School... I didn’t like him at first, he was quiet and every time he spoke to me, it was to correct me… “Hey if your gonna go to the bathroom at the airport, you need to tell someone”. It was annoying but I got used to it, at least I knew that he was looking out for me. We started studying together and that made our friendship grow. The military doesn’t pay all that good so we were always low on cash. We figured to help us save money and to better our health… Tuna Sandwiches were all that we were going to eat. He would buy bread and cheese, and I would buy the tuna and mayo, then we would switch off every other week.
I found out that this John Imler had a different side to him that no one else seen. He was so sweet and caring. I remember being sick one day, just lying on my bed trying to recover. And there’s a knock on my door… It was John, he brought over a tuna sandwich for me… he gave me a half smile and told me I had to eat to get better. I guess he felt awkward because he was halfway inside my room and as soon as I grab the plate he turned around and bolted. But I was happy to know that he cared about me. That sandwich tasted 10 times better that day.
We started talking about plans to go there, to do that, and to visit each other’s family. I didn’t know what to do but my heart told me that I wanted him. I didn’t know how he was feeling but I’ll find out later. He took me to the strip club with some of our classmates. I was still underage at that time so every now and then he would sneak me a drink. But every time he handed me a drink, he would gently look into my eyes. I felt comfort for the very first time in my life. That night was pretty crazy; all I remember was alcohol, topless women, and our close encounter with fighting the bouncer. But it’s what happened later on that night that meant something to me.
John was wasted, so wasted as usual. But after our roll call, he texted me to come by his room. I was nervous, even a little scared. I peaked my head out the door and duty nodded his head to say the coast was clear. I walked slowly but my heart was going light speed. My mind was still jumbled from all the alcohol but I could still see his eyes looking into mine.
He left his door unlocked... His room was dark and had the feeling of jumping into that rabbit hole. I knock on his bathroom door, and he opened it slowly. He goes by the window and lights up a cigarette. We both stick out our heads outside and just stare out there. I don’t know what we were looking for but I found it that night.
He starts out talking about how messed up this night was. I just agree on everything he says but in my head, I wanted to tell him that at least it’s going to end with just you and me. He starts tearing up and crying about something, I couldn’t really understand him at this point. I asked him what’s wrong. He paused and then he said“I love you man!!” I was shocked; I didn’t think this was going to happen. I hesitate then I replied my stupid ass reply. “Well I feel the same way about you”. It’s how I said it that was so dumb, I said it so dull, like it was something you’re supposed to say to a drunk guy. He stays quiet and I tell him to go sleep it off. So I try to help him and put my hand on his shoulder… he shrugged it off. All he said was “I got it”. That night for some reason I smiled myself to sleep. I don’t know why… I mean I’m the one that messed up. But I guess I knew how he felt. My heart was his.
The next morning, we took a silent cab ride to the mall. It was awkward, not much was said. So it was a relief when we finally got to our destination. We get out and he leads the way and I follow him. I’d followed him anywhere, if he’d let me. Anyway, we got something to eat… don’t remember what, but I go and sit right next to him. He blushes and quietly screams “what the hell you doing?” He gets up and sits a chair away from me. His face was still red but I swore I saw a smile.
We ate in silence, I guess he was shy, but so was I. We were supposed to be America’s toughest fighting force and here we are, on a date… It felt like a school dance. If you get too close to your partner, one of the teachers has to separate you. It’s almost funny, two grown men afraid to show how much affection they have for each other… two men that went to Marine Corps boot camp, too afraid?
I guess it was just one of those first date things. Anyway, later down the road we took a trip down to Atlanta, Georgia. It was supposed to be just me and John. But since I was underage, he decided to ask one of our class mates to go with us. I wanted it to be just me and him but I guess John’s love for bars are far more important. It started out okay. We got this cheap hotel room. jack, our class mate, left to go somewhere. So John and I started to wrestle… what I mean by that is, I was on the floor and he is sitting on my stomach, holding my hands, trying to force down on me. Boy was it getting heated, we started groaning and moaning like we were actually trying. He gives me that look; you know The Look, smiles and gets closer, stops and we just stare at each other. I think he was going for our first kiss. But he lets my hand go and gets off of me. He comes to my side, stares me from head to toe, and tries to carry me to bed. I laughed and told him he wasn’t going to, but he insisted and failed.
jack comes back and were just casually drinking now. Well, I’m not a strong drinker so I go and lie down on the bed and eventually pass out. I wake up and they are both gone so I turned on the TV and wait for them. I didn’t mind at the point because I would’ve waited forever if I knew he would eventually come back to me. They came back and told me about their night.
The next day, we go this five star hotel. We got it for a discount, perks for being one of Uncle Sam’s boys. So we start drinking again and they eventually leave again, leaving me because I was too young to get into bars. The same thing happened with me, just watching TV and waiting. The last day of our journey was a pain. They bought some liquor and I blacked out… I was still walking around and being stupid. I told them that I’m a light weight but they insisted on me drinking it. So I don’t remember much, the only thing they told me was that they had to babysit me. I felt bad but they told me not worry about it. Things changed when we went back to school. It was a bad change.
I started drinking more and started acting like him. I remember writing him a note saying that I wanted to be with him and that he was like an older brother to me. After that, we hardly spoke, even in class. We would comment about each other but it wasn’t the way it used to be. And we quit having our tuna sandwich dinners. I wish I could go back and right my wrongs… Now alcohol is a part of me because of him.
On the night of our Marine Corp ball, we talked to each other like we used to. At first it was awkward; it didn’t go like I wanted it too. I took a cab home with John, and I was drunk like shit. So they drop us off and he power walks to his room, leaving me behind. I felt bad because I guess he didn’t want to be seen with me. So I walk slowly to my room and my heart is beating… Fuck it, I’m going to go to his room. I knock… he opens and smiles at me like he used to. I apologize to him and he says it’s okay. He talks to me like he used to, laughs and everything. Well I figured why he was so happy. On his desk were these pills that he had smashed up. He was snorting, so I said” hey let me try”… my whole nose was white, and he starts laughing. I eventually passed out on his floor. The next day, things go back to the norm, meaning him not really talking to me again; only little comments here and there.
The next time we had a situation; it was nearing our graduation day. We had this cookout for our class and everyone gets drunk. Bad idea, drunk guys telling each other that they had enough usually doesn’t go too well. Jack and bill, get into this fight. John tries to hold them back and gets punched. I was at the other end of the hallway when this happened, but I was by his side seconds. John starts weeping and runs outside… I follow him and held him tight, telling him it’s going to be okay. I feel his face to see how badly he was hurt. I start crying and held him again. He gets a hold of himself and asks if I was drunk. Hell yea I was. He puts his arm around me and walks me to the tennis courts. There, he just holds me and rubs my chest down to my stomach. I’m crying harder at this point because I missed his him so much, I missed the way it used to be, and how I missed my chance. He keeps holding me and starts to kiss me gently over and over again. After I calmed down he walks me to my room and I pass out. Those little moments that I treasure so much…
Our graduation day was the last time I ever saw him… I was waiting for my mom and he comes out for a cigarette. My heart flat lines for a minute… He comes over and tells me about his night with another girl. I was sad but happy for him. He gives me this long hug and tells me he loves me. Then we go our separate ways. My heart aches for him every time I think of this. What could’ve been just never happened. He will always be my first lover. Sometimes I can still see him in my memories. Him standing there, gently staring at me with his soft blue eyes, and his hypnotic smile, waving me good-bye. I will always miss our times we had together in Athens, Georgia.

wow, life does that sometimes, it dangles something we want in front of us then yanks it away.

that was beautiful and very vivid. Thanks for sharing.

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