Ok so basically I started seeing this guy as just a hookup type thing, I would go to his house and just have some fun, Then I started staying the night at his house. We have developed a friendship since and talk to each other somewhat often. He has talked me into coming out to some of my family and in general has helped me alot with some emotional things concerning being gay. I really really like him alot (maybe even love) and want a relationship with him or for us to do more things together.
We have talked before about the relationship thing and he says he doesnt think a relationship is a good idea, I agreed because I didn't really know what I wanted then, I see now that I really like him. But I still go over his house and stay the night 1-2 times a week when we have time. We have a great time, talking, cuddling ect. He calls me baby and it seems like he likes me also, but he is a hard guy to read, and cant tell what he is feeling. But he has said this exactly "I think a relationship is out of the question."
My question is how do I show him that I love him? Does he like me you think or is it just sex to him? I try to show interests in everything he does, ask him if he needs anything, and text him to just say hi/goodnight or whatever. This is the first guy I have really liked alot and not sure how to express myself to him. I can provide more details if needed..Thanks in advance
Edit: Also I dont know if I should just be straight forward and say I love him, I dont want to lose him by being "obsessive or clingy"and push him away. If a relationship doesnt work I still want him to be my friend. I have told him in detail about how much I really like him and how much he has helped, and thats when we briefly talked about a relationship and agreed that we shouldn't
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First decide if you really want to know and, will be okay with whatever he says, then ask him where you stand with him, what you are to him. Maybe he would be open to more more, maybe he just wants a friends with benefits relationship, don't know if you don't ask.
Either way, I think it's better to know what a partner expects and wants than to keep guessing. If it isn't something I want at that time, we can talk about it and decide where to go form there.
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I can deal with him not wanting a relationship, I like what we have now I just desire more. But can deal with what we have. So I should just ask him directly what he is feeling? and why he doesn't think a relationship is a good idea?
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Don't bee too blunt but, yeah just ask him if he thinks you two could be more or if he just wants friends with benefits and, let him know that you are cool with either.
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I love by the 'honesty is good policy' method. Yeah sure it has lead to heartbreak and some terrible consequences, however by and large I am 'better' for being honest than trying to play these complex games of hiding the 'truth' or bald face lying.
Sure, maybe at the beginning you felt that you only wanted 'just sex' and was fine with that. But the heart is not a logical thing and it tends to have a mind of its own. Now you are falling in love....
Falling is a very accurate word. It is sort of like stepping off a high building, gravity takes over and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Falling in love is pretty much the same thing, once that step is taken you fall - well you fall as long as there is room to fall, like gravity there is usually something rather solid at the bottom that leads to a sudden stop (mind the fall doesn't kill you, its the sudden stop at the bottom).
No doubt your behaviors and actions around him/toward him have already changed. In your 'quest' to hide your true feelings, you will be constantly second guessing your behaviors and will, like every other human being in your condition, make huge stupid mistakes that will cause issues and problems in your relationship with him.
In truth he has taken a bit too much interest in just a 'butt buddy'. His talking you into coming out, his allowing you to stay the night, all of this other stuff tells me that deep inside he wants more. He might actually be making that fall with you.
It is highly possible he got burnt in the past, thus is reluctant to actually show that he is falling or admit to it. It might be he is suffering from the same fears you have, or similar enough to where he may be intellectually screaming inside 'This ain't Love!!!!' hoping that if he screams it enough it will be true.
Might, possible - could be..... Ultimately we won't know for certain until you sit down and tell him what you are feeling about 'this'. 'This' being the relationship you have with him.
Yes, definitely, you are in a relationship already with him. No it not be lovers, it may not be spouse, but it is a relationship that should be ran by the same rules with the same amount of honesty and integrity as any other healthy relationship.
I suggest you start of with the 'I like what we have and am content with it' aspect of your feelings, and then move on to 'But I would like to have more if you want it too.'
Even if he does kick you out of his house, it is better to know where you stand instead of trying to lie constantly and hide what you feel. hiding and lying ends up doing far much more harm to a relationship than honesty.
Yes there are risks, yes it may hurt (big time). But, there is also the chance that he too has feelings that were unexpected to his original intent.
I think he has been expressing those through the other things he has done for/with you, such as helping you to come out to the folks. He not only committed himself to getting you out, but he also committed himself to being a support system if that coming out was too much. THAT is not a thing 'butt buddies' or 'Just sex' does.
So your situation looks hopeful for more. Take it slow, but do let him know you are open to the possibilities of more and have more feelings for him than you originally did.
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Wow you pretty much summed up my entire thought process ever since I have met him. I feel exactly how you said, I constantly second guess what I say/do and always feel stupid trying to say the right things.
It's so hard to say what he is feeling, He treats me like I've said already that seems he wants more, but on the opposite side there are things that maybe he doesn't, or maybe Im just paranoid and have illogical thinking. The biggest one being that we haven't done anything else besides, hanging out at his house, watching movies/tv, and just chatting. It's not that he is opposed to it(as far as I know), its just that he never really has time during the day and we are both more of night people. And I can't really think of anything I can ask him to do with me. Any ideas? Do you think maybe its an excuse that he doesn't want too?
Also this one could be our age (he is quite a bit older than) difference, but he isnt super responsive when we text, we dont have a ton of conversation just because he doesn't respond very in depth.
And I have since told him since the first time we met something like this...that I really like him alot and that I havent really felt this way about a guy before, appreciate how much he has helped me, How my whole mindset about being gay has changed, and basically if he needs anything at all I want to be the guy to help him. Should I take it a step farther and just ask him how he feels/ Because when I told him this is when he said that a relationship is probably out of the question, (and I just said I wasn't sure what I wanted) and he swore that it wasn't because of me at all. Not sure how to perceive that. Im going to his house tomorrow most likely and im just going to ask him how he feels I guess
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in your post i hear how you feel but not so much how he feels. Communication go both ways. Work on getting him to communicate.
this is so exciting you have a possible boy friend.
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Yeah I'm trying to figure out how he feels, but like I've said its hard to tell. I sure hope we can have a relationship, I love being with him and think about him all the time
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