For my benefit more than yours.

[Mark]

If someone reading over this thinks what the hell is he going on about, or see's it as craving attention id like to point out it isnt. Im setting things down which I feel will help myself work out problems.

Watching GMTV I saw that this week is meant to be one of the most depressing of the year. Which I can relate to. Ive never been depressed and dont really count this as depression more of upset, worry, anger.

I guess im angry about the friends ive made, and choices ive done. Someone im close to this morning sent me an email saying they dont want me to be part of their life anymore, as they see me as someone they dislike very much. This actually upset me quite a bit but then turned to anger, as im getting the blame when its actually him and he's done it every person hes been close with. It made me consider other friendships I have.

In real life, at the moment im upset with my best mate, shes been seeing this indian dude, and his family and hers have both warned her not because of racist issues, well his family is against her, but because she shouldnt enter this relationship again. She did it once and it didnt work out at all, she became obsessive and just completely changed, he was highly jealous of me and threatened me a few times, but she didnt care. Hes 28 shes 18. So he has baggage and a past he wont reveal. Anyway they split and all was fine, but she restarted the relationship, and now its all about her, and she doesnt give a dam about me, I tell her something and shes like "Oh well ANYWAY NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME". Im like great.. Thanks? Ive made alot of other mates in uni, but every single one lives at least an hour away. Which sucks.

On the net, I used to be part of the worlds worst site, and im embarressed to say habbo hotel :confused: But it was the big thing when I joined. I made some mates so only went on to talk to them, but every single one im now questioning was it a mistake. I dont feel anything for them now as they all in turn have attacked me. So thats one I wish didnt happen. On GS ive made some brilliant mates, but im not sure if my character is being seen right. This is quite confusiong and annoying.

Uni ive stated, I dont think business is a bad course, and I do want to do it, just I dont have the passion I do for teaching. Ive decided to carry out this year at least, because I can then say ive given it a try. University is a big change and maybe the fact everything went so fast it really threw me off course. Now I have a stupid essay I cant do at all and thats driving me crazy.

At home, most of the time is great, but other times I just want to get away, as far away as possible.. I dont have a clue what to do. Moving out isnt an option as I simply cannot afford it at all.

Relationship wise yikes. I havent had a decent one in a long time. Last one ended bad, so ever bad. Now there is a certain someone and things look bright, but if im this bad and this confused what will I do to him. I feel in a way Im not being myself, which in turn tends to push people away.. I hope it doesnt push him..

Health wise, oh my days, everything is just completely hitting me and knocking me out. I cant stand up against any illness. Its driving me mad.

I think because im feeling this way I may be taking it out on innocent people, which I dont mean to.. But its just the way things are going. So if I get sharp and attack any of you, or seem harsh sorry I really dont mean to.

Some of you may advise but oh your only young, but I find that quite annoying, as it may seem small to alot of you and I dont doubt it is as most of you have you're own jobs, home, relationships and a hell of alot more responsabilities, Alot of you will also have situations 10x worse. I dont require advice as such, I just needed to point out my views.. Get it off my chest as this has helped.

If anyone feels down or anything like that I advise you to do this, if someone shares a problem, then im happy to discuss it. I guess this is my way of stating my case, letting everyone know at once why I may be down, but most importantly allows me to write EXACTLY how I feel down... Thanks.. x

[Enigma]

Oh Mark, this is complex. I personally think that your present health problems are affecting your mood. I guess you have never been really ill before and I can sympathise with that. However don't let your mood become too dark. As for your so-called "friend" who says he never really liked you then forget him. He is not worth a bag of crap. True friends are those that will come running when you need them. Not the "sunshine boys" who only want you for what they can get. Lighten up a little if you can and God Bless.

Edit: If you MUST take things out on someone then take it out on me. I am thick skinned [you gotta be at my age] As for the new special someone then if you are honest with him he will understand.

[wouldlikemuscle]

If someone reading over this thinks what the hell is he going on about, or see's it as craving attention id like to point out it isnt. Im setting things down which I feel will help myself work out problems.

Watching GMTV I saw that this week is meant to be one of the most depressing of the year. Which I can relate to. Ive never been depressed and dont really count this as depression more of upset, worry, anger.

I guess im angry about the friends ive made, and choices ive done. Someone im close to this morning sent me an email saying they dont want me to be part of their life anymore, as they see me as someone they dislike very much. This actually upset me quite a bit but then turned to anger, as im getting the blame when its actually him and he's done it every person hes been close with. It made me consider other friendships I have.

Depression can rear its head in many forms and to several degrees. Don't rule it out, but I certainly hope this is part of a short term blue period than any longer term depression.

We all make choices we sometimes regret. But there are plenty of others we make that we know are definitely the right ones. Life makes us enjoy the right ones... and hopefully learn from the not so right ones mile:

As for this friend... I can't imagine why'd they'd say that, but if thats the case... then try not to feel too down - might be better to let this one go.

On the net, I used to be part of the worlds worst site, and im embarressed to say habbo hotel :confused: But it was the big thing when I joined. I made some mates so only went on to talk to them, but every single one im now questioning was it a mistake. I dont feel anything for them now as they all in turn have attacked me. So thats one I wish didnt happen. On GS ive made some brilliant mates, but im not sure if my character is being seen right. This is quite confusiong and annoying.

Sites like Habbo, I think are probably the type of site where it would be rare to get true friendships... I visited there before... I won't be goin back!

GS... well, for those that only speak to you on the forum, they can only go by what you type. Sometimes a comment or two maybe misinterpreted, but they would only be individual posts. And we are a varied community, we're not gonna agree on everything, and the same words could be understood differently by different people.
Those that are on your MSN list... well we get to know you a lil better, and if we're still chatting to you there... then we can't think that badly of you!!

Uni ive stated, I dont think business is a bad course, and I do want to do it, just I dont have the passion I do for teaching. Ive decided to carry out this year at least, because I can then say ive given it a try. University is a big change and maybe the fact everything went so fast it really threw me off course. Now I have a stupid essay I cant do at all and thats driving me crazy.

At home, most of the time is great, but other times I just want to get away, as far away as possible.. I dont have a clue what to do. Moving out isnt an option as I simply cannot afford it at all.

University is indeed a big change. For those of us that go... the biggest change most of us will have at that particular time in our lives. From what I know about your Uni... it does sound pretty crappy... perhaps a business course elsewhere, you may have felt differently. But if your passion is for teaching, then I'd suggest you went out and did what was necessary to get there.
Home... I can honestly say I've come to within moments of walking out many a time... I have often found myself looking for houses, and getting mortgage quotes. Likewise tho... affordability has kept be rooted at home.

Relationship wise yikes. I havent had a decent one in a long time. Last one ended bad, so ever bad. Now there is a certain someone and things look bright, but if im this bad and this confused what will I do to him. I feel in a way Im not being myself, which in turn tends to push people away.. I hope it doesnt push him..

This, as I said above, is hopefully a short-lived period of blueness for you.
As for the special guy... if he has the remotest brain cell alive in his head... and he will be strong for you during this time and will not be pushed away. Perhaps you need to open up to him... perhaps there's things that have been going on, or are going on in his life he's yet to open up to YOU about.. perhaps he similarly thinks there's things in his life that could push you away... who knows? Speak to him!! mile:

Health wise, oh my days, everything is just completely hitting me and knocking me out. I cant stand up against any illness. Its driving me mad.

I think because im feeling this way I may be taking it out on innocent people, which I dont mean to.. But its just the way things are going. So if I get sharp and attack any of you, or seem harsh sorry I really dont mean to.

I can only say I hope you get better soon... and don't worry about having the odd angry moment. I often bottle stuff up and then find it explodes over the wrong person

Some of you may advise but oh your only young, but I find that quite annoying, as it may seem small to alot of you and I dont doubt it is as most of you have you're own jobs, home, relationships and a hell of alot more responsabilities, Alot of you will also have situations 10x worse. I dont require advice as such, I just needed to point out my views.. Get it off my chest as this has helped.

If anyone feels down or anything like that I advise you to do this, if someone shares a problem, then im happy to discuss it. I guess this is my way of stating my case, letting everyone know at once why I may be down, but most importantly allows me to write EXACTLY how I feel down... Thanks.. x

Getting your feelings written down or put across to others is one of the biggest helpers there is sometimes. In fact... puttin them across to an unknown person you made find is even better... someone you don't know who won't judge you on it. And I believe that is what you have achieved in your post.

xxx

[spotysocks]

This seems like a 'confession' to me so i moved it to the Confession Room.

It is not an easy situation what you describe and a lot of people have actually had similar either they are 10 20 60 or 80 years old. It is difficult to give you a good reply to this one as online is not the best way to talk about things like that. However i ll give a go...

It is normal to be angry with your friend. I guess you already know he has been an idiot with that email. The mature thing to do is to talk about it and see if it can be solved but needed a dramatic exit instead. It is not your problem, if he dislikes you that only means he failed to be a good friend. Maybe this will teach you something about 'drama'. It's most likely that he will try to talk to you again btw.

As for your best mate at this point of her life isnt going to be a good listener but you dont hold that against her. It happens , believe me in this one, it doesnt mean she doesnt care or doesnt love you. She probably has her own problems and cant deal with anything else right now. What i think you should do is find people who can listen to you and give you the attention you need and deserve. There are those too.

The internet can often be a place to make friends also in real life. But like everywhere it takes effort and also have to filter and choose those that you get on the best. This is for everyone a learning process and can be confusing as any other.
You have a lot of friends in GS i think and people like you. Whenever (and wherever) you think your character is not being seen in the best possible way there are two things you can do:
Grand the people the right to say what they think, do what they want same way you do and dont get too concerned about things like this or do the adjustments you are happy to do in order to make your message come across the way you want to be perceived.
I could give you an example which i dont know how good it will be but it is the one i can think of because is the most recent. When i told you yesterday to avoid the 'i am leaving' statements, i dont know what you made of this but doesnt mean i see you in a negative way at all. It was an advice/opinion as i have seen people doing so in many forums and actually brings them the opposite effect. Writing all this in my opinion is really great, it makes you feel good, clear things up, gives you the attention you need and is very healthy.

I can say one thing with certainty. Things at home, at uni, with friends, in relationships wont always be great BUT everything tends to settle nicely at the end. Of course with effort positive thinking and reasoning... so when you like everyone else, seem to lack these sometimes take a deep breath relax and clear your head, you do that here now.

I hope this helped a bit.

[Hyde]

Sites like Habbo, I think are probably the type of site where it would be rare to get true friendships... I visited there before... I won't be goin back!

You tell me this now, after wasting money on 34 months of HC and dedicating 10 months of my life to the Habbo X programme?! umgz!

[wouldlikemuscle]

You tell me this now, after wasting money on 34 months of HC and dedicating 10 months of my life to the Habbo X programme?! umgz!

well its what I made of it after spending all of... not long... there.
Hey, I used to be an addicted neopets player... I spent money on the premium account... I now don't use it... I never made any real friends there either.
I also spent money becoming a Superdudes.net Prime player... I don't use that (much) either now

[Shadow]

Oh babe, I'm really sorry to hear you've got so much going on in your head and your life at the moment - I didn't realise things were getting on top of you to this extent !!

Hokay, to break it down into the main points you've identified :-

1) Depression

For what it's worth, you don't strike me as being depressed (when we speak at least) at the present time. Granted I only "speak" to you on MSN, so I cannot gauge whether you're sometimes putting a brave face on, or whether you're hiding your feelings on given topics or what have you (although you don't strike me as the wilting violet type - however having said THAT I really had no idea that you were so stressed out about things or I'da tried to help you on a 1-2-1 LONG ago !!), so I think there's scope for things to improve AND worsen at this point ... which is obviously both a good and a bad thing depending on how you look at it ... :redface:.

2) Internet

I really love the internet, but fundamentally I regard it as a tool, and one of MANY at my disposal at that ...

Using the internet I've made friends, built relationships, had lovers, learnt HEAPS and heaps about all sorts of issues, become a regular member of sites, forums, etc., etc., written and submitted guides for games, LOADS of gubbins really ... and so I think if you regard it as a means to an end - just like pen and paper, or a telephone, then you're always going to be able to use it as it's meant to be used.

I'm thankful for my internet access 'coz without it I wouldn't have had the opportunity to get to meet and befriend yourself, Wouldlikemuscle or any of the other really nice and genuine guys and girls that frequent the ALMIGHTY Gayspeak !!

3) University

As I mentioned to you when last we spoke, I didn't post on your other Uni thread because I myself never went, so I can only relate up to a certain point with how you must be feeling ... but for what it's worth, I'm sure there are plenty of other options available to you if you ultimately DO decide that you want to withdraw, or switch courses, or what have you ...

HOWEVER, I would strongly advise you to consider that a degree is a degree, and not everybody that GETS degrees goes on to use them in parallel lines of work ... if you were to stick out your business degree then people that look at your CV are automatically going to assume that you have a head for business concepts and ideas, and so it will open-up plenty of doors for you should you ultimately decide you don't want to teach or what have you ...

Having said that, if you're dead set on going down the teaching route, then I'd advise considering how much a business degree would contribute to your groundwork in that field. Perhaps chat with a careers adviser to see whether they would suggest dumping business and doing something that would really help you with your future plans, as I'm sure there are plenty of subjects you could study which would be better suited to primary school teaching ... mile:.

4) Family

Family are wonderful aren't they ... you can love 'em one minute, hate 'em the next, and know that REGARDLESS, they'll always have your back, and you theirs.

If it's possible (obviously I don't know the dynamics between you and the rest of your family), I'd try and perceive them as helping rather than hindering wherever possible ... purely and simply because if you've got sh!t going on in your professional/student life, then if you're able to SEPARATE that from your home life and say to yourself "right - I'm home now - I'm safe - none of that crap need be worried out 'coz I'm here and stable and secure" and so on, then you'll already be starting to comply with my ultimate piece of advice (follow the asterisk)* lol.

5) Relationships

Relationships come and go, and ultimately anybody that wants to be in a relationship with you, or that you want to be in a relationship with, is going to have to get to know you - the REAL you ... so if you feel that you're not portraying yourself in the best light to people you meet and interact with, or you feel that you're somehow holding back when you speak with myself, Wouldlikemuscle or similar, then you need to review where your relationships (friendship, whatever) with us are going, and whether you want US to get to know the real you, or whether you don't ... I don't mean that to sound at all harsh, but I think you'll get the gist of what I'm saying which is that there are people I talk to online that I think "yeah, I don't mind talking to you, but when I turn off that PC you're not part of my REAL life" if that makes sense, and that's not meant to be HARSH - it's just that, say, I might be advising somebody on something, and whilst I might go away and think about them and their problem, and try and come back to them with good, helpful, solid advice for their betterment, I HAVE to be able to separate them from my innermost circle or I'd never have any privacy, y'know ?

And then there are people that I'm not only happy to BEfriend, but that I really want to develop friendships WITH ...

... people that I actively CHOOSE to speak to, and CHOOSE to spend my time getting to know ... so for those relationships I think it's really COOL if they feel like opening up and being totally honest with me, 'coz then I AM given the chance to get to know the real them better, y'know ?

Anyhow - I'm rambling ... I'll move on ... :redface:.

6) Health

I think it's VERY very possible for your health to take a knock physically, if your mental and emotional health is not at its peak too ... I find that even when I get a COLD these days I enter the equivalent of an emotional rollercoaster - I might have mentioned to you when we spoke, but I almost had a MELTDOWN the other day when I was talking to one of my mates, and told her WAY too much personal information just because I was so emotionally up and down from this stupid cold !! But now I'm back to rights on all fronts, and so I think that whilst it may be a gradual process for you to get back to being 100% fit, healthy and happy, it IS very possible, and I am SURE I speak for everybody here when I say that it is a journey we would be very happy to go through with you, if ever you feel you'd like our help, love and support ... .

7) "But you're so young !!"

I can see what you're saying, but I think when people say it what they REALLY are trying to say is "your perception is from your current position" (let's face it, where else could it possibly be from !?!?!), "... but if you could see it from MY position - from the position of somebody that's that bit older, and who's perhaps been through similar experiences, and who's learned that life generally finds a way of sorting these things out, then you might have a bit more confidence that things WILL all work out ok" ... so I don't think they can really be blamed for saying it, but yes - I do appreciate that it might sound slightly disingenuous, or perhaps rather ... trite ...

I certainly don't think it sounds like you're whining or seeking attention - you're just being open and honest, and that's what we LIKE - that's what we WANT !!

So if ever you're down or blue and want somebody to talk to, regardless of what position I appear on your list, you're PERFECTLY at liberty to look me up, and I will be your sounding board.



Lotsa luv babe,

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

xxx

[Mark]

Hmm thanks for the advice all you really didnt have to do that. Like I said was mainly for me to open my mind, read through a couple of times and that. :biggrin:

But I understand what your saying. Enigma in answer to the health, that isnt an issue as such as its not serious, just keep getting all the viruses going around. Being ill has led me to evaluate parts of my life. Which you may view in a bad light, but I dont see that, I see as it has opened my eyes showing issues I do have to address. I dont think it is effecting my mood, as overall we all get down some times. Also enigma it wont let me reply to your message lol. So Ill just say the problem isnt doing the uni course, its the fact I dont think its right for me and not sure if I want to switch, doing 3 years is a long time on something I may not enjoy.

Ant.. Sorry I keep calling you ant its easier lol. But STOP BUYING DAM CREDITS. The whole site is a bit of a money scam.

Mikey mike mike. Thanks for all that mr. The guy is great so I know he will understand, you're advice has already helped me thinks. The people dont know me factor helps quite a bit. I cant be judged and they dont hold a down lighter on me if you get me?

Spoty thanks for the advice, like I said yesterday I didnt mean at all for the "im thinking about leaving" to be for attention. Like I didnt mean this thread to be for attention. But it could be seen as that. I understand what you're saying matey. and it does help. Sorry I posted in wrong cat lol

[Hyde]

Hmm thanks for the advice all you really didnt have to do that. Like I said was mainly for me to open my mind, read through a couple of times and that. :biggrin:

But I understand what your saying. Enigma in answer to the health, that isnt an issue as such as its not serious, just keep getting all the viruses going around. Being ill has led me to evaluate parts of my life. Which you may view in a bad light, but I dont see that, I see as it has opened my eyes showing issues I do have to address. I dont think it is effecting my mood, as overall we all get down some times. Also enigma it wont let me reply to your message lol. So Ill just say the problem isnt doing the uni course, its the fact I dont think its right for me and not sure if I want to switch, doing 3 years is a long time on something I may not enjoy.

Ant.. Sorry I keep calling you ant its easier lol. But STOP BUYING DAM CREDITS. The whole site is a bit of a money scam.

Mikey mike mike. Thanks for all that mr. The guy is great so I know he will understand, you're advice has already helped me thinks. The people dont know me factor helps quite a bit. I cant be judged and they dont hold a down lighter on me if you get me?

Spoty thanks for the advice, like I said yesterday I didnt mean at all for the "im thinking about leaving" to be for attention. Like I didnt mean this thread to be for attention. But it could be seen as that. I understand what you're saying matey. and it does help. Sorry I posted in wrong cat lol

LOL, I only buy credits for HC because if I dont it will muck my groups page up. http://www.habbo.co.uk/groups/gai =[

[Mark]

Haha shadow you posted after. Youve been awesome to me, and I know your there if I need you. I just dont tend to share problems.