Tit for Tat - Justified in a relationship?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

If you discovered your partner was, oh I don't know, using the internet to post adverts to meet other people, are you thus justified to throw out the whole monogamy thing and place your shingle out as well?

Isn't their sneaking behind your back looking for sex on the side just their signalling that they want to move from monogamy to and open relationship and their just not being able to ask nicely?

Thoughts?

[Blue]

I would say they would either be looking to move the status to open, or looking to move on entirely.

I do think doing the same would be justifiable and, understandable, but I would have to ask myself who was the bigger person. I would confront my partner first, and refrain, not make any "seeking" posts until I KNEW the status of my relationship.

I'd be more concerned that I was headed for a split and, thus would need to take some time to heal before getting into another relationship than whether looking for another partner, or hookup was justified or not, though I feel it would be, I'd rather not do so until I knew what was going on with the one I was in.

[pellaz]

I'm sorry for you man

[Bricg1970]

Before all being completely sincere and open is based all trust. Sometimes is better execise patience and be prepare, instead of acting fast and screw up everything.

[dfiant]

Tit for tat is a sign of immaturity.

Dealing with a problem rationally is a sign of maturity.

Just saying

[BabyPolarBear]

He would lost his junk if the happens

[ChadCoxRox]

It depends on how he decides to explain his efforts to hook up or find another relationship. I would consider it an attempt to hook up or at the very least fuel some unmet desire on a mental/emotional level. If we can work through it together then I'm long suffering and open minded. If it's "none of my business" then get your sorry ass OUT! I have better things to do with my trust.

[LateBloomer]

If you discovered your partner was, oh I don't know, using the internet to post adverts to meet other people, are you thus justified to throw out the whole monogamy thing and place your shingle out as well?

Isn't their sneaking behind your back looking for sex on the side just their signalling that they want to move from monogamy to and open relationship and their just not being able to ask nicely?

Thoughts?

I might feel justified, yeah, in the strictest sense of the word. But that wouldn't exactly address the problem.

It's a nightmare scenario for me. I prefer not to think about it anymore than that, except to offer my sympathy if this is more than a hypothetical question.

My best,
LB.

[Rainbowmum]

I am so very sorry David

The rational part of me is thinking that doing the same thing will just distance what ever is left of your relationship.

The emotional part of me is saying sock it to him.
There is no excuse for breaking the rules in a monogamy relationship , especially for one night stands.

Not sure where you go from here.
I am so sorry for your pain and betrayal you have suffered.