Part of being stacked behind the racks of clothes and shoes of Closetville is in missing out on certain basics.
In other words, now that I'm finally talking with other gay and bi people, I keep running into lingo that goes over my head. I can't be the only one with this problem, so I'm starting this thread as a crash course.
I'm not going to list what I do or don't know, since it may not be the same list as other newbs (rather, newly admitted?).
What I'm looking for is common--and less common--lingo definitions. What's considered acceptable, what's not, and a few of the acronyms. The other thing is symbols. Everyone knows the rainbow, of course, but are there less obvious symbols the average person might not know about?
The other part of the symbol question is whether there are subtle things a gay person might wear or say in public to clue in another gay person. I saw a reference to guys wearing a pearl bracelet or something at the gym, for example (I think it was). What about the girls? For example, even before now, I've gotten looks from women who looked like they might have been couple, like a question mark, but I never knew if there was something I missed. That happened again today while out shopping.
Of course, that situation is something I might ask about in another thread, because that's curious to me. I never thought I looked particularly gay or anything. I'm not really butch, I don't think (or maybe I'd be "soft butch"? I have no idea!). But there you have it, it seems like I've had those kinds of looks from other women from time to time over the years (yeah, yeah, I'm sure you're giggling at me for my chosen obliviousness!).
basket =the bulge of male genitals through clothes
bumming =the act of gay sex
chicken/twink= young man
howdy =touching another male/females behind
cottaging =having or looking for sex in a public toilet
gym bunny/Muscle Mary =A person who works out merely for aesthetics
zhoosh =style
and last but not least...
"fag hag" – a "woman whose friends are mostly homosexual men."[2]
RainbowMum, you wouldn't happen to be identifying with that last one, would ya? ;-)
All: So I have another question to throw in here. File it under "is it okay or derogatory?"
I haven't heard it in a while, but I used to hear "dyke" get tossed around a lot, always as a negative (therefore, it's not a word I like). But is it used in the community, or is it like calling somebody a bitch?
Does anyone have trouble with the word "lesbian"? Personally, I like "gay woman" better. Again, I'mnot sure if that's due solely to negative connotations or if I'm not the only one.
Dyke or Butch - generally a masculine acting or dressing homosexual female.
Bear - a gay man with a good bit of body hair, usually on the heavy set side.
Cub - a young bear.
Wolf - a slender bear
Boi - submissive gay man, generally young, slender and with minimal hair
Daddy - a dominant gay man that likes bois.
You might also be interested in the hanky code, though not used nearly as much anymore, if you are trying to be discrete in a club or at a social event and, there are those that know it there, it is useful.
I just got up and haven't had breakfast yet so I'm sure I can be much more helpful later on when I manage to get back to this (remind me if I forget for more than a day).
Generally speaking, dyke is not offensive in the USA save among the older lesbians. Many even embrace it with pride now. Granted, it can become very offensive if you put enough venom and contempt into your tone, but then again so can, "Hey you!" It also means "lesbian" in general though the older lesbians sometimes mean it as a more masculine lesbian.
Anyway, I do plan to come back with probably another one of my TLDR (Too Long Don't Read) posts that explain a lot more about terms and symbols, but for now here are 2 very amusing (well, at least for those of us in lesbian culture) that can introduce you to some words, terms, and concepts (keep in mind these are done for fun so there is some exaggeration & hyperbole for comedic effect):
Oh, yes, if you wanna be able to talk with many lesbians then watch The L Word, a show written mostly by lesbians for lesbians. Though mostly restricted to the West Hollywood scene (though interviews showed the show missed a lot of actual lesbian culture there, but then the show did frequently hint at other lesbian cliques that only rarely mixed with them) it's also a very good (hilarious, tragically sad, and sometimes very accurate, though at other times it's definitely pure TV and/or WTF), and also uses many lesbian terms (and usually has someone ask what it means for the benefit of the audience that may not know).
Pix, thanks. I'm on the iPad, so I'll have to check out the vids on the PC later, where, y'know, Flash works. (Silly Apple!)
Maybe that's why I have a bad feel about "dyke." I was around a (gracefully aging) lesbian couple in a Wiccan coven for several years, and you NEVER heard that word used around them. I might have heard it a couple of times when hanging with a much younger couple, in which the one girl was more butch.
Speaking of butch... I recently heard "soft butch." Would this be a woman who is more of a tomboy, but likes a few girlie things here and there? For example, a girl who loves to play hockey (I did!) but might have a couple gypsy skirts she doesn't mind wearing (exactly two, floor length). And maybe hates makeup but doesn't mind feeling pretty once in a while?
Yes, that's a trying-to-figure-this-thing-out question. :tongue:
GossamerMoon Wrote:... The other part of the question is whether there are subtle things a gay person might wear or say in public to clue in another gay person ...
gaydar; i did a post on some research written up for the general public. A sample looked at images that had everything stripped off except the face. There was a better than expected un explained probability (5-10%) that some people could find the gay man. This is the gaydar?ok. It varied with the individuation's level of self awareness. This coupled with conversation, dress, posture, movement mannerisms could improve the initial 5-10%. Maybe just ask if they are family.
GossamerMoon Wrote:... I saw a reference to guys wearing a pearl bracelet or something at the gym, for example (I think it was). ...
Sounds like something i would say. I live in a rural area, not very close to anything. I choose a 24hour Fitness gym next to the CapHill area. I am saying if I have to drive 30min to any one of them might as well be the gym with a higher accepting population.
-while there i put my earphones in and ignore everyone equally (have a bf)
-most gyms are accepting and quick to weed out the members with un social behaviors in a 2-3 strikes and your out policy.
-i just dont do un necessary conversation but I dont want to be too harsh to the family.
I guess gaydar makes sense. I've always had that. I mean, I suspected about my ex's brother for a long time and then, boom! He comes out to everyone but their dad. My first girl crush turned out to be very gay, but she hid it really well (to the point at which she was horrible to the other girl in our group that was gay, but out--she now feels awful about it), and I thought I had no idea. If I'd been more willing to accept it back then, maybe it would've been different for us both. (Then again, I wouldn't have gotten married and had the two most amazing kids ever!)
basket =the bulge of male genitals through clothes
bumming =the act of gay sex
chicken/twink= young man
howdy =touching another male/females behind
cottaging =having or looking for sex in a public toilet
gym bunny/Muscle Mary =A person who works out merely for aesthetics
zhoosh =style
and last but not least...
"fag hag" – a "woman whose friends are mostly homosexual men."[2]
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