Personal Advice

[Maverick]

"You might also want to try with him sitting down on you. This puts him in full command here and gives him the feeling of control thus he may actually relax a lot more into."

What Bowyn says here in my experience was the most important. Let the "bottom" be on top, then he can be in total control, thus as relaxed as he can be (which is tough cause it's all new) and slowly work you in. It may take a while, and there may be several starts/stops and re-lubes, but just have him take his time. Practice does help and it gets easier over time, so don't get discouraged...

[bhrc]

My guy and me definetly went through the same thing! We've both filled both roles, but he tends to be more of the passive and me the active. Most of the time we start with spooning for a little while, or just fooling around (ya know, the horseplay stuff). Then he gets frustrated and anxious to go further lol.

We usually do most of the whole process while spooning as it is a little easier for both of us to control the speed and pressure without having to balance in positions neither of us can do while clothed let alone naked, greasy, and firmer in certain areas :p

The most important part is just to remember that the sex itself shouldn't be the only important part; that being together in the most intimate way is worth more than anything! When you think of it that way it may help you to relax enough to continue past cuddling.

[archubbycub]

My guy and me definetly went through the same thing! We've both filled both roles, but he tends to be more of the passive and me the active. Most of the time we start with spooning for a little while, or just fooling around (ya know, the horseplay stuff). Then he gets frustrated and anxious to go further lol.

We usually do most of the whole process while spooning as it is a little easier for both of us to control the speed and pressure without having to balance in positions neither of us can do while clothed let alone naked, greasy, and firmer in certain areas :p

The most important part is just to remember that the sex itself shouldn't be the only important part; that being together in the most intimate way is worth more than anything! When you think of it that way it may help you to relax enough to continue past cuddling.

You are so right about that last part! He and I were walking through the store the other day, picking up a few last minute things for his dorm room (yes he's in college still :p ) and I commented on how much it felt like we were shopping for our home instead. And it felt so good just walking beside him and knowing how much we care for one another.

[jamiebfd]

Try poppers. Relax the guy gud luck x

[bhrc]

You are so right about that last part! He and I were walking through the store the other day, picking up a few last minute things for his dorm room (yes he's in college still :p ) and I commented on how much it felt like we were shopping for our home instead. And it felt so good just walking beside him and knowing how much we care for one another.

Don't knock us college kids! We're people too!

As I said, I'm more the active member of our bed, but I would sure like advice as well as every now and then we switch it up. I'm definitley going to watch this thread for my own reasons

[archubbycub]

Not knocking college kids at all after all I'm in love with one! LOL And as far as watching the thread for your own reasons, that's what this site is all about! Helping others with the same issues. Or at least that's how I see it!

[Blue]

Performance anxiety can "deflate" any of us faster than just about anything else. I know it happens to me every time I do a demo at a dungeon. Yes I know I'm good with the ropes and, the Master or Mistress of the dungeon would not give me a novice to do the demo with. Logically I know it will be perfect, safe and beautiful but, that does nothing for my anxiety over being out there in an outfit that hides my legs and little else and knowing I have to get it right and somehow get my partner to orgasm while suspended in front of the audience. As for me out there, FORGET IT! My mind is to busy running in circles over everything I have to do and how to make it perfect for my partner to spare any blood for that other head down there LOL

What you're doing is much easier than Kinbaku so, quit over thinking it, just use a ton of lube relax and let ti take as long as it takes. Have fun, don't let your brain hog all of the blood

[archubbycub]

Thanks Blue. Next time I'm with him I'll have to "take matters into my own hands" and do a little "teaching," if you catch my meaning!

[Blue]

Really doing anything adventurous sexually requires two key factors - trust and relaxation, especially for the bottom. If he can let go and let you take control, not think, not worry, not try to help you, then you've got it. All he has to do is relax and enjoy the experience and, All you have to do is keep doing anything that you know he likes, slip the new or more difficult stuff in when he's relaxed and just focused o the pleasure of it all

Training isn't hard, just have to be good at keeping them distracted so they don't know it's a lesson :tongue:

[57lambertr]

what position are you trying? my favorite and i think easiest is your partner on his back,legs in the air. this makes for easy entry and maximum penetration and i think it is very sexy to be able to see each other as you go. ( or should i say come?)