Finding Jesus.

[Rainbowmum]

A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he
comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to
walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher....

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
alcohol, hereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Aye, I am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up
and asks the drunk, Brother have you found Jesus?'


The drunk replies, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'


The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for
a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again,
'Have you found Jesus me brother?'


The drunk again answers, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in
the water again; but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and
when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you
found Jesus?'


The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?:biggrin:

[RockerBlocks]

LOL! OMG! Awesome joke.

[princealbertofb]

Hahaha, Mum. A good one!

[fenris]

What would have happened if jesus had not been crucified but drowned?

In every Christian church would an aquarium stand on the altar :biggrin:


and if they had quartered him ?
In every christian church would hang a Mobile above the altar....:biggrin:





:redface::biggrin:

[Rainbowmum]

^ awesome fen.

[fenris]

Jesus goes through the desert. He meets an old, blind man, with long white hair and beard. This stretches out his hands and looking whines: "Where is my son Where is my lost son?" Jesus approaches and asks sympathetically. "Maybe I can help you find your son How does he look like?" The old man answers: "He has holes in his hands and feet, probably of nails." Then Jesus said, "Father!"
Old man: "Pinocchio!"

:biggrin:

[Genersis]

What would have happened if jesus had not been crucified but drowned?

In every Christian church would an aquarium stand on the altar :biggrin:


and if they had quartered him ?
In every christian church would hang a Mobile above the altar....:biggrin:





:redface::biggrin:

Not sure anyone would want to wear THOSE around their necks.:tongue:

[Genersis]

Jesus goes through the desert. He meets an old, blind man, with long white hair and beard. This stretches out his hands and looking whines: "Where is my son Where is my lost son?" Jesus approaches and asks sympathetically. "Maybe I can help you find your son How does he look like?" The old man answers: "He has holes in his hands and feet, probably of nails." Then Jesus said, "Father!"
Old man: "Pinocchio!"

:biggrin:

*Tut tut*
If only Jesus made him able to see first, then that wouldn't of happened.

[archubbycub]

OMG! That's hilarious!!!

[Blue]

All good so far, here's another.

Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."