Telling my Girlfriend, Is it Good Time?

[Rainbowmum]

First let me say to G.S.

Sweetie the sooner you tell her the better , in your situation there is no good time.
Tell her the truth she deserves to know , and you deserve to have a life you are comfortable with.

it's time you started your new life with complete honesty.
We are all here for you.

[GossamerMoon]

You know, now that I've been thinking on it, I have a thought.

My initial reaction was 1000% in favour of what Bowyn said. He's right that many women would reflect this back upon themselves.

My thought is that you know her, we don't. If you think that what he said is on the mark, go with it. And given some things you mentioned, I tend to think that may be. If she truly feels that time marks a "complete waste," find a different, gentler way to break up.

However, if you go that route, you run the risk that she'll find out second-hand, and that has the potential to be far more hurtful. If you're going to be out at college, it will probably get around to her, especially if you all have shared classmates where you're going to school. Do you follow?

If you decide to tell her the truth now, be sure to assure her that it's not her fault, that it's no one's fault. You love her as a person and good friend, and you hoped that would turn into romantic love. You didn't want it to end like this, but it's not fair to lead her on. Etc.

Most of all, it is good to know that you are really trying to consider her emotional/psychological well being. That says more about you than you know.

[snugsy]

I find this discussion incredibly intriguing. to tell the truth and hurt her (inevitably and understandibly not really anyone's fault), or to lie, possibly saving her some pain. but risking causing her even more pain. I do usually find bowyn to be really insightful, and this is no exception. but there is allways a twinge of poison lurking in every lie. if not for her, then for you.

Maybe i'm looking too much at my perspective. I was in a similar boat once. dating a girl as i was figuring it out. but she was also a close friend. and much of my coming out story was propelled by the pain of having lied to my family and friends for years. And so coming out to her was part of me being able to forgive myself for wasting her time and lying to her. But that's my story. Yours might be entirely different.

My question is...
Could you live with your friendship for a while knowing that she doesn't know?
if so - if she is distant enough from your life. then maybe sparing her is the better option. If not. then I'd think honesty is the only way. But definitely i agree with the above statements that when she does learn the truth. you must assure her that it wasn't in any way her fault :) silly peoples always be thinkin that.

[Rawr]

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. My condolences go out to you and your family.

I haven't read the rest of the thread, so I'm sorry if my response is similar to the others. Firstly, I think it's best tell her as soon as possible. Every second you delay could be classed as time wasted. You mentioned that she said if you were, then you would have wasted two years of her life. This isn't true as I'm sure within the two years you have experience great times, and therefore it hasn't been wasteful. Not only this, but you must consider yourself as well. Every extra second is preventing you from living your life to the fullest the way you want to. Therefore you owe to her and yourself to tell her.

You've been together 2 years, it's up to you to decide how you tell her, but I would suggest telling her in person. I think she deserves that much. You also said you came out to someone previously? do they know to keep it a secret? I'm not saying stay in the closet, in fact well done on coming out! but if news were to spread, and your girlfriend found out that way, then things wouldn't be pretty. I think she deserves to be told by you and you alone.

Sorry my advice isn't great, my head feels fuzzy due to a headache. Hopefully you find it useful and if you have anymore question feel free to ask! also, welcome to Gay speak.

[Madridlindon]

Hey guys, today is the day, any minute now she's going to pull into the train station, and I'm going to treat her to dinner and then break it to her. Although after much consideration, no offense bowyn bit I'm just going to tell her the truth. I care for her to much to continue lying and to add on top of it another lie would just be as awful if/ when she would figure out second hand. I really do appreciate your suggestions and support, This is going to be hard for me as well so wish me the best, I'll need it.

[Rawr]

Good luck dude!

[Blue]

All the best to you. As hard as it is (probably WAS by the time you read this), you're doing the right thing for both her and yourself.

[Madridlindon]

I feel good right now, she was actually really accepting. I had a tough time getting it out but as soon as I said it, she was just like "Oh Honey, I love you." I brought up that I hope she didn't feel as if it was her fault and she stopped me mid-sentence and said, No I fully understand it's something you can't change. She was sad because we are done, but she was just more concerned for me at the moment. She wants to be there for me all the way because she knows my family and she knows its going to be tough (But that's for another post.) She still wants to be friends, and she knows that we had a lot of good times together, and she even wants to come to my grandmothers funeral Thursday, for moral support. I really am very happy, I'm sad also because it's over and if I could change who I am I would, but I need to live for myself and not for anyone else expectations, but I digress. She is such a great person and I'm glad it turned out well. Thank you guys as well for being there for me as well I'll make sure to come back and post often

[snugsy]

Best of luck! i hope she understands. be patient understanding with her. it might not hurt to tell her how much fun you have had and how much she still means to you. idk. it can go any way. You are very brave for your honesty.

[Blue]

I'm glad it went better than you expected. Breaking up hurts, but not so bad when there isn't the anger and blame that is all too common in breakups. Be patient with her and, with you, she sounds like she knows it's natural and is fine with gay in general, but it will take her a bit to really adjust to you being gay.

You need time yourself to get used to being out to her, and being able to relax and not have to pretend you're straight around her. I think you and she will be good friends, and in no time be laughing and enjoying your friendship in a whole different light.