A hetero-homo-bi guy's questions...

[curiousfellow]

Hello all. Heteroflexible fellow here with a few questions. I have considered myself bisexual for some time. largely for the convenience of the label; it makes sense in a general way-- If you are sexually attracted to women and men, clearly you are bisexual... Right?

However. What are you if you are attracted to women (say, as far as faces, loving relationships are concerned), while only harboring a small group of more or less fetishistic practices for men?

I will elaborate. I have always fallen in love with women. I love eating girls out, fucking girls, and so on. I do not find men attractive facially. I cannot fathom the idea of a guy being attractive the way a woman is, nor am I interested in the idea of fucking a guy in the ass, etc.

However, I love older men, and cock. I do like very much to suck cock, to get spanked, and so on. Often I jack off to gay porn (guys getting fucked), sticking things up my ass, fucking myself. Seeing an older guy's cock, getting my dick fondled, getting owned by an older guy basically thrills me to no end...

Is there something bizarre about me? Is there something specific that refers to my sexuality? I am all for homoeroticism in spirit, for homosexuality in culture. But I do not feel like I am a part of about 99% of it. Any words of advice?

[princealbertofb]

Hello CuriousFellow and to GaySpeak. It seems to me that you have it pretty well defined for yourself already. You seem to have figured it out. What most of us here say is that there's no need to label and just to go with the flow.

Having male to male fantasies is quite common in straight men (or so I read some time back) and as long as they don't get implemented in the real world that's what they are: fantasies. Nothing wrong with fantasies. Nothing wrong with experimenting with sexuality either, as long as you remember to keep it safe® for you and your partner(s). Maybe you are just one of those men who doesn't identify with "gay" nor with being able to get romantic with another guy, which is basically what "gay" is about. It's not entirely about the kind of sex you have and who you have it with, although that consideration will also come into play. For the moment let's just call it non anal MSM. (Men who have sex with men).

Not all males or gay men even are into anal sex. It's very much a question of taste. The fact that you enjoy putting things up that end does however indicate that you might be candidate for a try... but then that's a very personal issue of intimacy...

It is possible that you are still coming to terms with the whole intimacy, male on male sex thing and that for the moment you are not finding any necessity to bond with other males that way.

The fact that you have come on here to discuss it is a first step to understanding your needs and to addressing whatever it is that you are finding hard to address for the moment.
I think we've all been pretty much brainwashed by society to become "straight" and the idea that we could even be gay is one of the hardest things to overcome sometimes.

I'm not saying you have to come out. As long as you're comfortable with yourself and how you function sexually, that's fine.

Enjoy your life, enjoy your sex life, be honest with your desires (as often as you can) and enjoy the ladies!

Take care. PA

PS. You're not bizarre. You're human. We come in all kinds and colours and all shades of sexual orientations. Our fantasies are a product of whatever we've grasped of what's desirable, in our eyes.

[LateBloomer]

I would like to add just one thing to PA's excellent response.

Some of our sexuality is "fluid". Not everyone, but some of us will "evolve" or "modify" or whatever, over time...

Most of the members here will remember when I originally joined I picked the label "bisexual"--not out of accuracy, but more out of convenience.

Now I identify as gay.

We grow; we change; we adapt; we evolve. This is the problem with labels. They're convenient but not accurate.

So whatever you do, just be HONEST with your partner about who you are and what you're looking for.

[Blue]

I guess my question is: Would women with strap ons satisfy you as well as men?

Nothing wrong with being any sexuality, or anywhere in the huge range that we can find ourselves in between asexual, through hetero, homo, bi, and beast to pansexual.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Hi.

Yep, sexuality is vastly fluid and..well, that's fine. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, not even labels. From your words I think that you're fine with your fetishes, and since you're comfortable with them...nothing to worry about. Go for anything that will make you feel good. :]

[Rainbowmum]

First let me say welcome.

There is nothing wrong with you , considering you have been brainwashed by societies bovine scat.
You are fine , you just have to start peeling the layers of brainwashing away.

Only then will you find the real you , it wont happen overnight , but it will happen.
Relax ,stop beating yourself up over this ,the key to freedom is self acceptance.

[BobInTampa]

Well, i'm not a therapist and i didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but from what you posted, i'm going out on a limb here, but i think you have some unresolved issues with your Father.

The fact that your primary sexual attraction is to older men tells me that either:
a) You didn't have a close relationship with your father (or other adult male in your life), or
b) There was some sexual exposure in your younger years between you and another adult male.

Does any of this make sense?

No matter how you answer, please know you're not weird or twisted - as long as there was no sexual abuse as a child, you're "compartmentalizing" your sexuality: ie: your clear and strict guidelines on what turns you on with a man (turns you off with a man) and your attempt to validate your "hetero" side by talkign about how you are turned on by women, can become romantic with women, pussy, etc.

Yes, i said validate because while all that may be true - its only true NOW! It's an easy, clean and convenient way to retain your "hetero" self while still having sexual desires for men.

All that said, you can do this "dance" for years, until you meet an older guy you "click with" and then things may change. Just saying.

[spencer]

I don't think so. You seem to understand very well what you like and I don't think there's a need to find acceptance over it or call it something. I think that just might be a fetish of yours. I know a straight guy (and I'm sure I've used this example several times already) who has a fetish for gay sex. He only talks about with a few us usually just when intoxicatd. He has no romantic feelings for men and doesn't go around talking about how "hot" guys are but sometimes he would just like to be fucked in the ass by a guy or suck a dick.

I have what I call a fetish for older guys, I think it's just a way to feel dominated for me at least and since I am not you (or straight) I don't think I can even try to guess at WHY you like older guys but I don't feel that the why really matters. You like who you like.

I'm also going to add that in BobInTampas's post I answer no to both. Okay maybe there was a minor incident with an older guy when I was a teen but my "fetish" existed well before that.

There's nothing wrong with you, you just have sexual preferences that maybe the majority of people don't have. But are you supposed to? Are we all supposed to be sexually the same? Nope. Until we're all the same person, and that won't happen, we get to like what we like (assuming all parties are consenting adults) you don't need labels or justification for being yourself. You just need to be.

[princealbertofb]

All interesting and clever thinking there, mates... I'm sure our original poster has plenty of stuff to go from and to work with now.