Must Vent... I can be good I can be good...

[GossamerMoon]

Sorry, I am just SO FUCKING MAD! Can't vent to Facebook because of all the mutual friends.

The ever-angry ex is here to be w/the kids this weekend. Pissy about the house not being spotless, dishes piled up, and who KNOWS what else! Roared at the little guy over something stupid, and he's been here less than two hours. Slamming dishes around as he does my dishes (which I tried to do, but NO, the steaming pile of killer vibes was too much).

Does he want to hear actual good job news? No. He has his fucking mind made up I'm a horrible mom, and he's pissed he has to drive three hours to see his kids. Only to come to a messy house. Never mind that I have a chronic, sometimes real bad, autoimmune illness, and never mind that I've been trying to work through an issue regarding potential work.

Nope. I'm just a useless lazy twat (my words in his mouth--he won't say anything, just fumes). I wish I could make him stay at a hotel, but it's part of the agreement for "letting" me and the kids move three hours away. I'm seriously reconsidering that part of it. But lawyers are really, really expensive.

For the record: Yes, the house is messy, but it's not dangerous or unhealthy. There are two kids and a chronically ill adult with little support. Of COURSE it's messy!

There are a few reasons I left, and this is one of the biggies. I can't believe I had to deal with this every fucking day!

I want to put a fist through the wall!

And folks, this is one of those things that can happen when you marry someone you don't love. Just. Don't. Do. It. Don't. I would never trade my kids for a take-back, but it makes me angry that we both got married knowing we were just good friends (ha.). Not necessarily sexuality, but more like the fear that if we didn't take the chance then, it would never come around again.

I hate hating this, because if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have the kids, but on the other hand, it's time thrown away that could have been spent with someone I could really sink my heart into.

All the gods forbid he learns the other reasons why I left. Custody will suddenly be an issue. If he doesn't try something as it is.

ARGH!

//end vent, and thank you for listening.

[Miles]

Sorry the ex husband is being, based on my interpretation of your description, a dick.

Perhaps you could encourage the kids to help out with cleaning up a bit, if you haven't already? Maybe make a game out of it or something. Take my advice with a big big grain of salt, as what little experience I've had with kids has shown that I have no clue what I'm talking about.

[Blue]

Wow, no empathy from him at all.

Gossamer, it really sounds like he is intentionally pushing your buttons. Don't let him do that. I know it's hard but, if you don't react as he expects, he can't use that as more ammunition against you. Keep your cool outwardly with him, and come yell about it here when you can.

Shield and don't let his negativity bring you down, you're better than that.

[GossamerMoon]

The kids have been having a hard time, and I get very little help. But I do need to get more creative.

[East]

I am so sorry Gossamer...I will share something with you that hopefully may help.

EDIT...I think another hug might be better than anything I wrote...

[GossamerMoon]

Thank you.

I just want a damn hug, and all my friends are too far away.

[East]

[GossamerMoon]

It was last night this time that I suddenly stopped and thought "I'm okay. It's going to be okay."

Irony.

[East]

It was last night this time that I suddenly stopped and thought "I'm okay. It's going to be okay."

Irony.

You were right...you WILL be OK. This will pass with this jerk and you will move on.

[Blue]

You need all you can get