Unattached parents

[JisthenewK]

Is it possible for a mother or father to not love or become attached to their biological child? I mean no love or care at all? I am not talking about a sperm donor father or a parent who barely knows their kid (abandoned). I mean just parents, can they NOT love their kids at all, even right after they are born?:confused:

[RockerBlocks]

I can't see anyone hating their child, Nor would i want to see it. Especially if it were a baby.

Just thinking of a child growing up without that motherly or fatherly love is enough to make me angry. How can someone hate something you bring into the world?

[JisthenewK]

I don't know for sure if this is possible, but I have seen a case about a woman named Waneta Hoyt, who did not seem to love her kids at all.

[Genersis]

Of course it's possible.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_abandonment

We're not the only animals to experience it; though that's not much of a consolation.

[pellaz]

there is no reason why people should have any bigger insight into life than the next.

we are so full of our selves (and this is a good thing) that we dont see there are actually there incredible differences between people. for example easy see people who dont love themselves physically to the extreme.

so ya; be full of your self as an individual. make a check list of what you need to be the well rounded person. accept its a work in progress, change or die.

Avoid making a bad situation worse, on the other side avoid the frustration flogging a dead horse.

[East]

Is it possible for a mother or father to not love or become attached to their biological child? I mean no love or care at all? I am not talking about a sperm donor father or a parent who barely knows their kid (abandoned). I mean just parents, can they NOT love their kids at all, even right after they are born?:confused:

It is DEFINITELY possible.

My mother was a sociopath....maybe even a psychopath. The worst part is when you become "inconvenient" to them...they may try to kill you...or worse.

You wouldn't believe what some of these women (or men) can do. I know first hand.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes it is possible and it does happen. Perhaps a lot more than we as a species care to admit.

My very own mother had/has no maternal instincts. For her the process of having babies was to 'hook' a man, and then later on as an excuse to keep the marriage going. There were other reasons, not because she loved her kids or actually wanted children.

She showed absolutely none of the traits one would expect of motherhood.

In my mother's case she didn't fully mature - somewhere around age 13 she stopped growing emotionally. Other side effects are extreme selfishness, 'using' people (even abusing them) in order to get her way/what she wants.

If you open up a psychiatric book 'sociopath' pretty much fits her to a 't'.

[Sylph]

In my opinion, neglect of a child/pet or a responsibility is not something I personally agree with or condone, but in some instances, there are actually valid reasons for why neglect may occur.

My mother had me at 14, a time in everyone's lives where you're just starting to understand yourself and going from that questioning child, to a young adult, making mistakes along the way and discovering your path and purpose in life and in my mother's instance, she never got that chance because she had me.

She didn't know any better, and though she never neglected me per se, she could easily have, because most 14 year olds are worrying about forming friendships and working on homework and not caring for their child.

So I can honestly understand if a young mother and perhaps father[though less so], would feel resentful or disinterest towards their own child, only because they never got the chance to experience life and what fun opportunities they could've had and be a child themselves.

Luckily my mother is very strong and had lots of help from her mother[my nana], so she didn't develop a disassociation with me, but I can see she could've easily.

So sometimes there are valid reasons that people wouldn't understand because they aren't in the situation or can not see the proverbial "light" of the situation.

And again, I don't condone neglecting a child, but sometimes there can be valid, and most often psychological reasons.

Such as;

> Raped and the child is forced on the mother, leading to resentment of the rapist & the child that represents the act.

>Young parent who never got to experience childhood and resents the child as the reason for them not being a child.

>Young father forced into raising a child wether alone or with his partner, due to him not using protection/being careful and feeling resentful at having his "bachelor" lifestyle stolen.

And it's usually when a child is born to a young parent, because as we know, when we are young, we may be able to be sexually mature, but not necessarily mentally mature, especially in regards to raising a child, when they are only children themselves. So you can see where resentment and dis-attachement could occur, because they weren't allowed to be kids and grow up.

It's sad anyway you look at it, but I don't believe we should always immediately condemn someone without atleast being able to see both sides of the coin. I still don't think it's right, but I can see why.

[Puck]

Its entirely possible, sad but true. I speak from experience. My own father has never treated me like one of his own, even before he knew I was gay and disowned me.

I remember growing up that he would reward my siblings for their good grades in school by taking them out to dinner or some such treat. Were I to get even a single "B" letter grade on my report card, I would have to spend maybe 2 hours or so writing Bible verses about "slothfulness"

I was also the only one of my siblings whom he would physically abuse when we acted out. If my other siblings misbehaved, my father would punish them by taking away their television or video game rights for the week, or put them into a time out. If I misbehaved, he would lash me on the back with the metal buckle on his belt, slap me in the head, throw me into the wall and of course, make me spend hours copying Bible verses (this was how he "punished" my mother as well)

When I was ten years old, my parents divorced. My father would come to visit my siblings, take them out for pizza and to the zoo and other things like that....I was never invited to come along. He would send my siblings birthday gifts, I never received so much as a card on mine.

When I told him I was gay, he told me he hated me, that he never wanted me to begin with. That if I was on fire he wouldn't so much as piss on me to put it out, and other lovely things along that line.

Some of these things I have mentioned before in other posts. I'm not trying to be a buzz-kill or wallow in self-pity or anything like that....but it is indeed very possible for a parent to hate or not care about their child.

[Pix]

All the time.

There's also a depression that can afflict mothers right after the baby is born that is supposed to be caused by fluctuating hormones and can even lead mothers to kill their children, but IIRC this isn't supposed to last more than a couple of years at most (though they could be pregnant again by then) and often less than a couple of months. (The wrong mix of psyche meds can also lead to uncaring to outright homicidal parents).

And plenty of parents have kids as accessories or with a specific agenda in mind. It used to be normal to have kids for the free unskilled but important labor. Though that doesn't seem normal today (at least not in first world countries) kids are still gotten from everything to "make him marry me" to "prove I'm not gay" to pleasing God (there's a Bible verse that says a woman shall be saved by giving birth and some take it literally) to all kinds of bennies. There are reasons even more selfish like back when the media focused on teens trying to get pregnant (one was so bad she had sex with street people she didn't know in the hopes of conception) and when asked why they basically described all the attention expecting and new moms got (that is, they wanted people to "ooh and aww" over them, and that's the ONLY reason). Though one kid also said she wanted someone who'd love her unconditionally which made me laugh and think she must be the youngest or only child (and we'll see who has to show unconditional love when she has to get up at 2 AM again to feed or change a diaper).

Horrifically I heard of one guy who was conceived by rape and the woman had him because her religious beliefs wouldn't allow emergency contraception or abortion and tortured him as he grew up to punish him for what the rapist did to her (and she certainly let him know he was unwanted and the product of rape). :frown:

Btw, I've also heard a distressing amount from people who had been adopted and I believe at least a few adopt not only for the reasons above but also just to get a child to feel big bullying & abusing (and perhaps punishing for being a reminder one or both parents can't naturally conceive?)