Differences in parents

[JisthenewK]

My mum is very loving, sweet, and emotional. My dad, even though we are just now beggining to bond, has always made me feel protected and safe, even when he isn't trying. I love my parents so much. Is this the typical way men and women behave when in a relationship? I know that my dad is hardworking and that's supposedly the way a man is supposed to be, but I'm not. I'm more like my mum. What are the differences? Can't the roles be switched?:confused:

[Puck]

Personally, I've never placed much emphasis on gender roles in society. We are who we are, and the sooner we learn to accept ourselves without trying to fit into a pre-cut cookie mold of what we think we should behave like, the better. mile:

[JisthenewK]

Yeah if I ever adopt, I feel as though I would be the more emotional one. Idk though.

[Blue]

I see where your questions are coming from.

Gay relationships are most often based on similarities - like attracts like, birds of a feather and so on. You will naturally look for that kind of relationship.

Hetero relationships are most often based on opposites that compliment each other - opposites attract - I'm weak where you are strong and such.

The roles can fall to either gender, and change to a degree if circumstances but, for the most part people are pretty set in their ways by 25-30. What they do can change, but who they are and where they are comfortable in a relationship won't change.

Your dad is the provider, protector, hard worker. Your mom is the caregiver, lover, nurturer, comforter, the support behind your father and, that sounds like a good couple. Were it my parents, I'd not want them to change, it's working great for them and, I could learn to accept the unique ways in which each expresses their love for me and, be content with letting them be themselves.

Maybe instead of hoping to change your dad, give him more positive feedback when he does provide for you, offer advice to keep you safe and so on. He'll smile and be happy, feel fulfilled because you told him that he did what he wants to do to the best of his ability, and because you recognize his ways of showing love and, appreciate his efforts, even if they aren't the touchy feely emotionally loaded stuff you wish for.

[RockerBlocks]

My mum played both the mum and dad. So the roles can't be switched for me.

[fenris]

I think its a bit a education-thing.
My father was born 1915 .... germany-emperor-time / prussia and males had to be strong, showing their feelings was more then inacceptable, mens of this time never talked about their own things and problems, they were educated to the absolute obedience in front of State, Police, officers, army but also doctors etc.
My father never showed any feelings ... he never hugged me or things like that... he gave just his hand to say hello or goodbye....
When I see the fathers of today... I´m very happy that they can show feelings ... show that they love their kids... playing with their kids... whatever...
For me it is very hard to show feelings... the education my father showed me still works....

[pellaz]

straight friends of ours; the husband is a stay at home and takes care of the 2year old child. He is doing a wonderful job of it. the gay community bases relationships on what is is common between the partners but the straights can teach us a lot about combining differences into a family.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"Traditional Marriage" meaning one man, one woman, tends to favor the gender-roles and our society's programing based on what does (or doesn't) hang between the legs.

However this doesn't mean that all men and women actually follow this 'traditional' formula. A lot of people especially in the Westernized nations are slowly breaking the gender-barrier, thus we are seeing things like Stay at home Dads with working moms.

Gender roles are complex, many of the things we identify with the role based on gender is 'made-up' such as the idea that women are somehow 'weaker' than men, or less able to think in terms of politics.

We are programed by what does or does not hang between our legs. I call it genderfication. IF you are born with a penis you are put in a blue blanket, and dad brings you sports equipment. If you are born without the penis you are put in a pink blanket and dad brings you a doll. Boys wear sailor suits, girls wear dresses. Boys get footballs and baseball bats, girls get baby-dolls and easy bake ovens.

These sorts of things defy logic, they assume that a girl will have no interest in sports and assume that a boy won't grow up to be a pastry chef.

Women do tend to be more nurturing and more in touch with their emotional side. This may have something to do with the whole 'I can carry a baby for nine months inside of me' magical ability. Having this special ability has lead to women developing a different sort of bond with their off spring than men.

Any relationship that works will have a dominate person and a submissive person in every aspect of the relationship. Most relationships the roles switch depending on what part of the relationship we are talking about.

Two leaders and nothing gets done as they are constantly butting heads and arguing over who is to do what.

Two followers and nothing gets done because they are both waiting for the other to decide what to do next.

Gay relationships are not hard and fast on the rules of who leads and who follows. It depends on the people involved and their expectations for their relationship.

However, 'genderfication' also plays a role in gay relationships were we have the 'top' and 'bottom' idea, where one is assumed to play the role of the 'man' (in and out of bed) based on stereotypes of what men are like, and the other plays the 'woman' based on stereotypes of what women are like.

[JisthenewK]

Oh haha, I'm not angry with my dad. I have finally accepted that he has his ways. I just never really understood the whole "I'm the provider, you are the caregiver" roles. My dad is doing a good job and has really gotten more loving now. I just never understood who does what in the relationship and why it should matter anyway.

[Blue]

Aside from one needing to let the other take charge, which can be per situation or area of the relationship, and stereotypical gender roles, it really doesn't matter.

Yes I do think men are, in general, better at some things and women at others and, we do communicate differently, as my hag friends have taught me well.

As an example a woman will tell you "OMG, it's awful, so and so said blah about me."
Now the first reaction of a man hearing that would be "Well, go tell so and so that blah just isn't true."
Where what the woman really wants is "I'm sorry, that's horrible."

Men typically want to fix the problem and women want to empathize first, we both get to the other, but our initial approach is different.