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11-21-2015, 07:56 PM

^ I don't mind working weekends either because 1) no phones, which is the main and worst part of my job, 2) fewer people around, 3) I can go in hung over and listen to music on headphones in the darkness - theoretically I could get away with wearing pajamas if I really wanted to.

ntabc

11-22-2015, 01:25 AM

ntacb

i enjoy making videos.

11-22-2015, 07:49 AM

NTACB someone told me I cheated when I didn't.

11-22-2015, 04:34 PM

NTACB it's night-time right now .....

11-22-2015, 04:50 PM

its not even 8 am yet. Your all wrong.

11-22-2015, 10:59 PM

lately i get really sad after i leave my mom's.
:/

11-23-2015, 02:03 AM

Insertnamehere Wrote:I care.

Why is this?

My reflex answer is I don't know. Because there really isn't any reason why I should be feeling that way. She's healthy, and happy... busy with her life and work, and has friends who care about her.

But if I think about why I feel that way... Its not anything thats coming from her, I mean. Its coming from me. I've been feeling very nostalgic lately, and spending a lot of time thinking about my dad. I think I am just projecting my general anxieties about mortality on to her. Not only that, but I worry about my brother and what his life will be like. That even though she is healthy now, I am already aware that I won't always have her. Each time I leave her, a little piece of me is nagging, what if thats the last time we see each other?

I get stuck in these negative thinking patterns.. And then i feel silly for thinking all of that and its such unnecessary stress and anxiety. But its also not like im worrying about aliens invading and infecting me with Ebola... Life and death and illness and disability.. these are all very real world things and maybe it is good that i think about it and am aware of it. And maybe feeling this way about it is how i should feel, because wouldnt it be weirder if I didnt feel anything?

I put it in the not that anyone cares because ultimately it doesnt really amount to anything, but felt the need to vocalize it some where, some how, to some one.

So thanks for caring anyway.

InbetweenDreams · 11-23-2015, 02:42 AM

Emiliano Wrote:lately i get really sad after i leave my mom's.
:/

I can certainly understand. I have had feelings off and on throughout my life and to be honest everyday with her has been a blessing. I say that because my mother has a lot of health complications...too many to list...but when I was 5 we learned that she had not one but three brain tumors, then it was osteoporosis, diabetes and RA... Over the years, slowly, but more noticeable now she gets facts mixed up and is more forgetful. The biggest factor is that it is simply to expensive and risky to operate and remove the tumors. In fact there was a very good chance that she would not be here with us today had they attempted to remove the tumors back in 1992.

As far as mortaility, I hate the subject, I do want to learn more and hope to start making better choices so that I can hopefully spend more time here with the people I care about.

I worry a lot about my mom, but why worry when you can make memories.

trywait · 11-23-2015, 07:04 AM

ntacb it's a two day work week!

trywait · 11-24-2015, 06:26 AM

ntacb I jinxed myself...today was a hella rough work day. im mentally exhausted