I think I understand where your coming from. My boyfriend and I haven't had anything more than oral sex in months and even when we have oral sex its only 2 to 3 times a month, if that. The problem began because he had a medical problem and would be in too much pain to have sex and that diminished our sex drives. We're slowly building things back and have even discussed having a 'date night'. Once a week we would have sex no matter what! It was an idea he heard of on another forum.
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meh for those that care, there has been som progress.... He believes that the lowered sex drive is caused by his weight gain. I finally got him to open up to me....
basically he says even though I feel attracted to him, when he looks in the mirror he sees someone disgusting and worthless because of his weight gain. This has greatly started to effect his self esteem. I kind of knew from the beginning that THAT was the reason behind it, but I wasn't 100% sure... I needed him to actually talk to me instead of me guessing....
So we've come up with a plan to help each other with weight and hopefully this will help the sex life some. At least it wont hurt it.....
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I don't think I saw the first posts previously... but hopefully your plan works out.
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Hi FuturED i have wrote this below but then i moderate it because i wanted to post a better reply for you later but then i got busy.... :S
This is what i wrote:
I can see how and why you would be frustrated and agree with the points you make..
The main issue is the low sex drive in your relationship and in this case i thing you need to find a way to spice up your sex life. It is always a challenge.
Somehow, besides the things you can do to make sex good again i think that problems in the bedroom can be solved outside the bedroom. Doing something fun together not necessarily sex can bring you closer and start finding each other more exciting and attractive.
However it needs effort from both of you and have a good communication. Talk to him in the calmest manner you have. You should know what you want to ask and to pass your message to him right . Dont get angry, nothing ever solved with anger.
I am sorry i am not saying as much as i would like , it is late here and should be to bed already but i will maybe add to that when i can think better.
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I am glad you talk it through now and find a solution, i think it will definitely help. Are going to exercise more not? I find it helps in many levels, not only look fitter but it is proven it makes us feel happier.
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both of us are making more time for us to work out, so I think that will help.
he comes from a very conservative background, so sexual talk is very VERY difficult for him. I've gotten him to open up more, but it's not easy.
I've tried various things to entice him to spice things up. He's just not kinky and gets embarrassed or scared.
We've tried to bring in new stuff, toys, different places, different times, sensual, rough... I think it's really going to be a large part of his self esteem and possibly medical.
one thing I've learned about relationships is that an introvert and extrovert pair is very difficult to get things resloved.... but it's still worth it.
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Hey futureRD,
I wanted to say that I'm glad you and your boyfriend are starting to work towards fixing your situation. I definitly inderstand how weight gain can affect your sex life. I've gained a ton of weight in the last two years. I've blamed it on work but I should've made more of an effort to eat right and excercise. I hope everything works out for you guys.
Charlie
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mile:.