Zennyboy coming out to the world (life story alert)
09-24-2012, 12:15 PM
The fact though people around me know about my sexuality i have told this story to few people, simply because the story has been lived rather than occured, so in addition probably bore you but my coming out story is also a story partly about my life.
have to bare with me
I guess it started actually back when i was in Junior school, there was this lad Dean that kept catching my eye, i thought it was because i envied him, he got things i didnt, he was laxed on by his parents, and so we became best friends at the time, i knew about Gay people at that age because my family are christians but not only that but a very old and very large traditional family at that, so naturally i was in denial as to why i was attracted to this Dean boy. I also liked this Girl in my class, Carleen, long blond hair, and very pretty, my other friend told me i should ask her out, now i started out young having a relationship as young as the age of 4 but they were holiday romances with girls, simply put mainly because my brother and sister had relationships on holiday and i was jealous, but the one thing i had they didnt, was i didnt fear rejection, so this Carleen girl i went up to and asked her out to dinner right there and then, and to my suprise she said yes ^^
so i did just that i took her out for a lovely evening, my parents drove us and that but left us alone at this restuarant, and so things blossomed, we kissed and hugged and spent alot of time together, friend made fun out of us but i didnt care. I was happy.
we progressed from Junior school to high school together and dated up til about year 9, when i found myself at a barrier i couldnt overcome, i noticed i was still paying attention to boys but still heavily in denial, i tried to pick up some other girls during the remainder of my high school years, even planned on taking Carleens best friend to the senior prom at the end of year 11, but i couldnt shake the feeling i had in my heart, something i had shut off for so long.
Now during this time as well a new neightbour moved in nextdoor to where i lived with my parents and i looked out for him when he was sent to the same high school as me, i always longed to have a friend live nextdoor to me, but i didnt expect a dark bright eyed young man, two years younger than myself named Chris. i took a slight liking to him, but as we got to know one another i started to like him all the more, we shared the same interests, we competed against one another which i loved, we were gamers and spent hours together, sometimes every other day, his family accepted me into their own family and i was invited to family get togethers and outtings, those were some of the greatest days of my life, i had the best friend i always wanted, but i didnt expect to be sexually attracted to him too.
Now after finishing high school i went off to college, kept myself to myself, had a few friends that studied together and hung around and played abit of football together, til i discovered the college volleyball team, and i joined it, my fast reflexes and swiftness gained from Martials Arts came in handy and i was offically inducted as part of the volley ball team, got a wicked serve on me too, but i noticed i was paying attention to the "hot" lads on the team. This is when i came to the conclusion i must be bisexual.
I kept this all to myself mind you, didnt tell chris how i found him attractive, or how i was watching more than just the volleyball bouncing around at college ^^
I took up a college job as well during this time, simply because my mother wouldnt stop hagging me about not paying any rent or anything, the only thing i would like to add at this point, my parents first born, my older brother didnt even finish high school, he flunked completely, heart of gold he might have, he has a head full of saw dust, my sister, the supposed brains of the family managed to finish high school but flunked college, so far im the only one to have completed all my education, even my little brother has a head of saw dust, and so only does part time machanic's at college, so anyways i took up a job as a customer assistant at a local garden centre, was great to have money though i only worked every other weekend. now i will return to this job in a moment for i never left this job even though it was only supposed to see me through college.
after college i decided not to go uni, simply because i couldnt justify the debt it would of gotten me into, i knew my parents finacial position and so vowed i wouldnt turn out like my siblings. I had my mother hounding me and my dad as well, i spent most my free time with Chris, by this time Chris himself had finish high school, though his grades were terrible, so as well he flunked too : / but we were still best friends. I helped him with relationships and such and he helped me to escape my parents.
on my 18th birthday i invited Chris over for a sleep over for my birthday. That was when i pulled up the courage to tell Chris, the only person i truely trusted, i told him i thought i was bisexual... but what happened i didnt expect, he sat silent for a moment, then got up and left without a word. I was CRUSHED. it took him three days before he spoke to me and his first words were, "do you have a crush on me" to which i lied and said no because i wanted him back as a friend, and he said fine and we remained friends with a unspoken truth.
Now all through my life my parents always kept me distant for some reason, then my little brother came along and i was the odd one out, i acted different, i looked different... and for that i was treated different, i was like dog crap my parents had walked in the house and not bothered to scrap off their shoes, everything was my fault, i was always in the wrong, i knew nothing, i was the typical male, how could i not be racist like the rest of them, blah blah blah, this was my lowest point of my life, i shut myself away in my room never leaving, i got so bad i stopped eating, stop seeing friends, did 21 attempts at suicide and kepts failing, managing to put myself in hospital and waking up asking doctors why they bothered to save me.
rough i know, but when you were treated the way i was, life wasnt worth living. Anyways i had chris's house nextdoor to escape to, and me and chris were making plans for the rest of our lives together, then chris's sex life sparked up, i helped him get the relationship and before i knew it, i was loosing him, he wanted to spend more time with girlfriends than me, i know i was being selfish, but it felt like a dagger to my heart, i was torn apart i spent nights crying myself to sleep.
all this time i was still working for the garden centre, depressed and feeling very alone, i just plodded along like a android, til one day i hear news a new manager was starting... what sparked my interest more was i was told he was gay.
Now one morning me and a friend i met at work were painting fixtures and actually laughing alot, nearly pissing ourselves, when the new manager came to where we were, he introduced himself as Brian, i thought nothing of it, after he left said to my friend, "what the others talking about, he doesnt seem gay at all"
Then at lunch i was sitting in the staff room alone, when he came in and sat down and started talking about this friend... i wasnt paying much heed then he said the words "A friend i like like called Matt"
It dawned on me yes this Brian was gay and he spoke openly about it. He didnt seem to care, but we started talking and i listened to him complain how Matt didnt get back to him and how he was fed up with chasing Matt, so i befriended Brian, one of the very few who did. I had a talent of bringing people around and soon Brian was loved by all and it made me happy to see him happy. He started meeting me outside of work for lunchtimes and such, going through alot of lengths to spend friendship time with me, that was up to the point when he got sacked. He got sacked because i didnt know that someone we worked with hated Brian, because along time before i met him he had worked with this womans son, and brian had joked with him, and this woman took it as he was hitting on her son, so she made up a story to get rid of him and it worked. however before he got sacked i admitted to brian that i was bisexual and he admitted he found me attractive so i said what the hell to it and started dating him. He made me feel very happy.
Well anyways a new manager started, and before i knew it i was called into the office, people were acknowledging my talents at work and so offered me a full time job at the garden centre, and told me i could be a manager one day, it was the first time in my life someone said anything like that to me, i was high on praise, i was over the moon.
4 weeks after starting fulltime, i gathered money together and moved out of my parents into a apartment with Chris as flatmates, and my god the pressure off me then was overwhelming, i had my own place to escape to and not only that i could be myself, because Chris knew about me and Brian dating he had no problem with Brian coming over and spending time with me.
That was up to the point Chris betrayed me, he was still dating people and he met this one girl called Lisa, now i knew nothing had changed apart from Chris spent alot of time with this girl, then coming home from work i started to notice things disappearing each time i came home. Now a promise me and Chris made was that no girl, or boy would come between our friendship. This was a promise we made as close as brothers would.
To my suprise Chris was leaving me... for this lisa girl, he had broken the one promise we made to each other not only that but left me with all the bills, rent and debts he left behind too, just up and left me. For the first time i was so angry i nearly lost it, i was betrayed by the one person i had ever been truthful about everything to, who knew me the best. I started to shut myself off again from everything and everybody... til Brian stepped in, picked me up, helped me for a change.
Me and Brian then got a place together, and things started to mingle together, i told Brian i would move in with him but due to my trust issue now i didnt want a serious relationship, but did Brian back away, no he didnt. He stood by my side, he wouldnt move a inche away from me. We moved together into the place we are currently in now, and were happy with our lives, til i had my injury, but Brian has done nothing but support me, and thats when i decided enough of this wall and i tore it down and let Brian in, the things i had only told Chris i shared with Brian now.
Now whilst this was all going on i hadnt said a word to my parents about me and Brian being partners, i always called him my flat mate and Brian understood why that was, because a gay person in my family would of been completely cut off. But one day upon stopping by to drop something off, my mum asked how me and brian was and how our relationship was getting along after chris...
My jaw nearly hit the floor, i didnt give them enough credit, though i hadnt offically told them, the way me and brian were together, how we couldnt take our eyes off each other, my parents had figured it, and what shocked me even more they were fine with it, if anything after that brought me and my parents closer together.
Now Brian is welcomed into my family, and is called as he is as my other half, partner to me. Thinking about it now still fills me with tears of joy, after all the hardships i had to endure, all the mistreatment and betrayals, my world was coming together, so one christmas i invited everyone to mine for christmas, brians mum, and my family... i sat Brian down just before dinner, got down on one knee and proposed to him.
He said yes straight away after crying his eye's out. He has been my pillar ever since i first met him and my world has come together. Even though right now i am going through a extremely depression and stressful time, he is still there standing strong for me...
so thats my coming out story, i didnt actually tell anyone about me, but it sank in and everyone accepts it, I still wont go outside and shout about it, because that alone is dangerous for us considering where we live, but the people who matter know, and thats what counts... and now you all know too
Thankyou for reading this extremely long arsed post, sorry if i did manage to bore you.
&^.^
have to bare with me
I guess it started actually back when i was in Junior school, there was this lad Dean that kept catching my eye, i thought it was because i envied him, he got things i didnt, he was laxed on by his parents, and so we became best friends at the time, i knew about Gay people at that age because my family are christians but not only that but a very old and very large traditional family at that, so naturally i was in denial as to why i was attracted to this Dean boy. I also liked this Girl in my class, Carleen, long blond hair, and very pretty, my other friend told me i should ask her out, now i started out young having a relationship as young as the age of 4 but they were holiday romances with girls, simply put mainly because my brother and sister had relationships on holiday and i was jealous, but the one thing i had they didnt, was i didnt fear rejection, so this Carleen girl i went up to and asked her out to dinner right there and then, and to my suprise she said yes ^^
so i did just that i took her out for a lovely evening, my parents drove us and that but left us alone at this restuarant, and so things blossomed, we kissed and hugged and spent alot of time together, friend made fun out of us but i didnt care. I was happy.
we progressed from Junior school to high school together and dated up til about year 9, when i found myself at a barrier i couldnt overcome, i noticed i was still paying attention to boys but still heavily in denial, i tried to pick up some other girls during the remainder of my high school years, even planned on taking Carleens best friend to the senior prom at the end of year 11, but i couldnt shake the feeling i had in my heart, something i had shut off for so long.
Now during this time as well a new neightbour moved in nextdoor to where i lived with my parents and i looked out for him when he was sent to the same high school as me, i always longed to have a friend live nextdoor to me, but i didnt expect a dark bright eyed young man, two years younger than myself named Chris. i took a slight liking to him, but as we got to know one another i started to like him all the more, we shared the same interests, we competed against one another which i loved, we were gamers and spent hours together, sometimes every other day, his family accepted me into their own family and i was invited to family get togethers and outtings, those were some of the greatest days of my life, i had the best friend i always wanted, but i didnt expect to be sexually attracted to him too.
Now after finishing high school i went off to college, kept myself to myself, had a few friends that studied together and hung around and played abit of football together, til i discovered the college volleyball team, and i joined it, my fast reflexes and swiftness gained from Martials Arts came in handy and i was offically inducted as part of the volley ball team, got a wicked serve on me too, but i noticed i was paying attention to the "hot" lads on the team. This is when i came to the conclusion i must be bisexual.
I kept this all to myself mind you, didnt tell chris how i found him attractive, or how i was watching more than just the volleyball bouncing around at college ^^
I took up a college job as well during this time, simply because my mother wouldnt stop hagging me about not paying any rent or anything, the only thing i would like to add at this point, my parents first born, my older brother didnt even finish high school, he flunked completely, heart of gold he might have, he has a head full of saw dust, my sister, the supposed brains of the family managed to finish high school but flunked college, so far im the only one to have completed all my education, even my little brother has a head of saw dust, and so only does part time machanic's at college, so anyways i took up a job as a customer assistant at a local garden centre, was great to have money though i only worked every other weekend. now i will return to this job in a moment for i never left this job even though it was only supposed to see me through college.
after college i decided not to go uni, simply because i couldnt justify the debt it would of gotten me into, i knew my parents finacial position and so vowed i wouldnt turn out like my siblings. I had my mother hounding me and my dad as well, i spent most my free time with Chris, by this time Chris himself had finish high school, though his grades were terrible, so as well he flunked too : / but we were still best friends. I helped him with relationships and such and he helped me to escape my parents.
on my 18th birthday i invited Chris over for a sleep over for my birthday. That was when i pulled up the courage to tell Chris, the only person i truely trusted, i told him i thought i was bisexual... but what happened i didnt expect, he sat silent for a moment, then got up and left without a word. I was CRUSHED. it took him three days before he spoke to me and his first words were, "do you have a crush on me" to which i lied and said no because i wanted him back as a friend, and he said fine and we remained friends with a unspoken truth.
Now all through my life my parents always kept me distant for some reason, then my little brother came along and i was the odd one out, i acted different, i looked different... and for that i was treated different, i was like dog crap my parents had walked in the house and not bothered to scrap off their shoes, everything was my fault, i was always in the wrong, i knew nothing, i was the typical male, how could i not be racist like the rest of them, blah blah blah, this was my lowest point of my life, i shut myself away in my room never leaving, i got so bad i stopped eating, stop seeing friends, did 21 attempts at suicide and kepts failing, managing to put myself in hospital and waking up asking doctors why they bothered to save me.
rough i know, but when you were treated the way i was, life wasnt worth living. Anyways i had chris's house nextdoor to escape to, and me and chris were making plans for the rest of our lives together, then chris's sex life sparked up, i helped him get the relationship and before i knew it, i was loosing him, he wanted to spend more time with girlfriends than me, i know i was being selfish, but it felt like a dagger to my heart, i was torn apart i spent nights crying myself to sleep.
all this time i was still working for the garden centre, depressed and feeling very alone, i just plodded along like a android, til one day i hear news a new manager was starting... what sparked my interest more was i was told he was gay.
Now one morning me and a friend i met at work were painting fixtures and actually laughing alot, nearly pissing ourselves, when the new manager came to where we were, he introduced himself as Brian, i thought nothing of it, after he left said to my friend, "what the others talking about, he doesnt seem gay at all"
Then at lunch i was sitting in the staff room alone, when he came in and sat down and started talking about this friend... i wasnt paying much heed then he said the words "A friend i like like called Matt"
It dawned on me yes this Brian was gay and he spoke openly about it. He didnt seem to care, but we started talking and i listened to him complain how Matt didnt get back to him and how he was fed up with chasing Matt, so i befriended Brian, one of the very few who did. I had a talent of bringing people around and soon Brian was loved by all and it made me happy to see him happy. He started meeting me outside of work for lunchtimes and such, going through alot of lengths to spend friendship time with me, that was up to the point when he got sacked. He got sacked because i didnt know that someone we worked with hated Brian, because along time before i met him he had worked with this womans son, and brian had joked with him, and this woman took it as he was hitting on her son, so she made up a story to get rid of him and it worked. however before he got sacked i admitted to brian that i was bisexual and he admitted he found me attractive so i said what the hell to it and started dating him. He made me feel very happy.
Well anyways a new manager started, and before i knew it i was called into the office, people were acknowledging my talents at work and so offered me a full time job at the garden centre, and told me i could be a manager one day, it was the first time in my life someone said anything like that to me, i was high on praise, i was over the moon.
4 weeks after starting fulltime, i gathered money together and moved out of my parents into a apartment with Chris as flatmates, and my god the pressure off me then was overwhelming, i had my own place to escape to and not only that i could be myself, because Chris knew about me and Brian dating he had no problem with Brian coming over and spending time with me.
That was up to the point Chris betrayed me, he was still dating people and he met this one girl called Lisa, now i knew nothing had changed apart from Chris spent alot of time with this girl, then coming home from work i started to notice things disappearing each time i came home. Now a promise me and Chris made was that no girl, or boy would come between our friendship. This was a promise we made as close as brothers would.
To my suprise Chris was leaving me... for this lisa girl, he had broken the one promise we made to each other not only that but left me with all the bills, rent and debts he left behind too, just up and left me. For the first time i was so angry i nearly lost it, i was betrayed by the one person i had ever been truthful about everything to, who knew me the best. I started to shut myself off again from everything and everybody... til Brian stepped in, picked me up, helped me for a change.
Me and Brian then got a place together, and things started to mingle together, i told Brian i would move in with him but due to my trust issue now i didnt want a serious relationship, but did Brian back away, no he didnt. He stood by my side, he wouldnt move a inche away from me. We moved together into the place we are currently in now, and were happy with our lives, til i had my injury, but Brian has done nothing but support me, and thats when i decided enough of this wall and i tore it down and let Brian in, the things i had only told Chris i shared with Brian now.
Now whilst this was all going on i hadnt said a word to my parents about me and Brian being partners, i always called him my flat mate and Brian understood why that was, because a gay person in my family would of been completely cut off. But one day upon stopping by to drop something off, my mum asked how me and brian was and how our relationship was getting along after chris...
My jaw nearly hit the floor, i didnt give them enough credit, though i hadnt offically told them, the way me and brian were together, how we couldnt take our eyes off each other, my parents had figured it, and what shocked me even more they were fine with it, if anything after that brought me and my parents closer together.
Now Brian is welcomed into my family, and is called as he is as my other half, partner to me. Thinking about it now still fills me with tears of joy, after all the hardships i had to endure, all the mistreatment and betrayals, my world was coming together, so one christmas i invited everyone to mine for christmas, brians mum, and my family... i sat Brian down just before dinner, got down on one knee and proposed to him.
He said yes straight away after crying his eye's out. He has been my pillar ever since i first met him and my world has come together. Even though right now i am going through a extremely depression and stressful time, he is still there standing strong for me...
so thats my coming out story, i didnt actually tell anyone about me, but it sank in and everyone accepts it, I still wont go outside and shout about it, because that alone is dangerous for us considering where we live, but the people who matter know, and thats what counts... and now you all know too
Thankyou for reading this extremely long arsed post, sorry if i did manage to bore you.
&^.^
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
Gemini
. Too bad i am not used to sharign my problems.
mile:
