How do you know if you are gay?

[RealBradPitt]

Ok, so I am 27, and a really good looking guy with a good mix of feminine and masculine features. I am a pretty boy type. My entire life I've been really shy. I've never been really comfortable in my own skin.

This might sound completely retarded but here goes: I only fantasize about women. I am not disgusted by gay porn, but it does not turn me on. I get hit on by gay men constantly, and I don't really mind it. I had a gay boss who swore to everyone I would find out I was gay within 10 years. People think I am gay because I don't actively hit on women or anything.

I feel like the above paragraph would tell me I wasn't gay since I only fantasize about women. But the thing is, I have had a strict Christian upbringing that may have somehow affect it. I dunno.

If I was gay... would I know by now? Would someone desire to have sex with men overcome anything nurture could beat into you?

[Blue]

Porn is not a good indicator of sexuality, so forget that. If it's a woman you imagine in your bed, at you side when you are 85, etc.. then you aren't gay.

That said, our sexuality is mailable and can change over time. If guys turn you on too, that's cool.

I'd say the first thing you need to work on is finding your own truths and, getting that fundamental upbringing out of you head, unless it works well for you. Form there, just be open to whoever and whatever you are and, don't fight it when you see it.

[myapple]

You're not gay if you're romantically attracted to women. That's all. Sex does not define orientation. You could have sex with a thousand men just to get an orgasm and you could still be straight (for example: straight guys that do gay porn).

[pellaz]

I would suggest you struggle to get over your shyness and figure life out. Dont put a label on it but make sure you got it right.

Shyness can be cute but in your case the combination of shyness and christian beliefs are not doing you any good. Your religion may blind side you into accept the first girl who comes along. You enter into a straight marriage and later find out your gay.

... Would someone desire to have sex with men overcome anything nurture could beat into you?

Your saying it is natural to be straight and un-natural to be gay?
being gay you can and will have a career, family and find a loving husband if you want. You can find religion and be the best moral gay man you can be. But if you ignore your feelings and do what other people tell you to you will fail and drag a the wife and children with you anlong a miserable life.

[Pix]

I am normally hesitant to answer questions like these on here but in this case, based on what you've said, I feel justified in saying you are straight.

I also think you're lucky for not humping the legs of women who come near you, because you're much more likely to connect with a woman you're compatible with and probably as unlikely as you to play games (or the field).

While many with strict religious upbringing can go into denial they seem to me to be a lot more obsessed with attacking sexuality (sometimes even the heterosexual kinda as much as the homosexual) and I no longer find it surprising that the biggest crusaders against licentiousness and/or homosexuality are later revealed themselves to be gay (or into children, having mistresses on the side, etc). Such types, I think, are haunted by a fear, perhaps even terror, of being gay that haunts them and it shows in their extreme anxiety. And that's just counting those in denial (or very deep in the closet).

And btw, I sometimes suspect the men who spend too much time hitting on women of being the ones who are gay and trying to hide it (maybe even from themselves).

[jaxc]

you see a penis and go "i like it" :p

[Rainbowmum]

Porn would have to be the worst indicator of your sexuality.
Sweetie you and you alone know if you are gay or not.

Go with what turns you on.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

From what you have said I would have to say you are straight.

Would you know by now? I would assume so.

But then I didn't know I was gay until I was about 24 - of course I didn't have an interest in the female species either thus I assumed I was a natural celibate and went through the motions of becoming a minister... THAT is how deluded I was .

Not hitting on any woman that comes by only means your a gentleman. Or you are looking for that one special woman who rocks your world.

Could your life 'beat the gay out' - yes it could, but I don't feel that that is the case here.

I think you are a gentleman with boyish good-looks and charm who is looking for that right woman, not just any woman and people around you are confusing you about the right priorities in life or are assuming things they shouldn't be.

Shyness and not hitting on every thing in a dress only means you are more emotionally sensitive - more in touch with your emotions. That doesn't make you gay, that makes you highly attractive husband material to many women (and guys)...:biggrin:

[dfiant]

Mate, seriously if you look at girls and nod your head as you admire their beauty, but gay porn turns you off and you don't look at blokes and think 'I'd hit that'...is there really any doubt about your sexuality?

There is an extremly underused term for men that don't go out and hit on everything that has a pair of boobs...they are called 'GENTLEMEN', you my friend are a gentlemen and you will make your future wife a very happy women.

[lizzielee]

I am not sexually attracted to men but I am to woman...............If I had a choice, I would be in a relationship with another woman but I just can't at the moment but I know one day I will. You might be curious........