I've posted as different people before, and I come here for advice occasionally. I come here now for a few reasons. The first thing is, I may be getting into a relationship soon, I'm not sure yet. I'm still a virgin, and I'm overweight. I'll tall (6'0-6'1) and 248lbs. I've lost over 40lbs so far, but I'm still REALLY uncomfortable with my weight. I'm sorta hairy, so I guess I could be considered a bear in the physical sense, but I'm not sure. I'm very insecure about my weight, especially if something happens with this guy and if it becomes physical. I'm still losing weight, but honestly, I'm still really nervous about everything. What do you think I should do? Should I try to change my thinking?! Thanks.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
its wonderful that your loosing weight. I would be proud. you have to start appreciating your self if you want that relationship to work
•
You have lost some weight and that is great. Slowly is the best way to diet aiming for a small loss per week. Try and do some exercise as well if you can manage it.
As regards to being overweight and your physical appearance, I think that society is to blame and especially the porn industry on the fact that there are unrealistic expectations to what we should look like. Great if you have a good body..........you are blessed. Don't place too much on your physical appearance. I have learnt that it is what on the inside that really counts. The reason for you wanting to lose weight should be for health reasons mainly. Don't be nervous and don't be ashamed at your body. Love it, it is part of you. If you can't be accepted for who you are, then............well that person is not worth it. Do try and keep losing weight for health reasons. Be comfortable in yourself and relax.
•
Society does get us very focused on appearances, but when it comes to love, in the end it's the person, not the body you fall in love with. Bodies change, age, get injured or whatever but that doesn't change that fact that you love the person inside that body.
If you prospective partner love you, then what does the body really matter? Yes it's good to try to stay or get as healthy as you can, but that's different for each of us. You're doing good with loosing weight, stick to it and let you potential partner love you, trust me the body won't be an issue if he loves you for you.
•
Posts: 2,234
Threads: 36
Joined: Aug 2012
Reputation:
1
I'm a : Gay Man in an Open Gay Relationship
Starsign:  Aquarius
Mood:
Friendships are built. The attraction has to be there. If you are not able to feel comfortable being the object of attraction yet, even if you desire it strongly, you should resist engaging and put effort into being up front about it. If you can assert how you are insecure or sensitive about your weight straight out and up front you'll get either someone willing to consider that and accept it or someone who is not worth wasting any further time on. If you could only try this until you find just one person who understands and accepts you for who and where you are, you'll be much better off because you'll be facing your challenges with at least that one supporter! I wish you great courage and hope you'll be willing to take a risk. The reward may be well worth it, and GS will ALWAYS be here to back you up! 
 Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!
•
First of all, congratulations on getting things into your own hands and losing so much weight. I'm sure that if you keep this up, you will eventually find yourself comfortable with your weight...just don't overdo it, okay? If someone really likes you, they're probably okay with your weight too. Maybe your body type is what they find attractive about you. I do, however, completely understand being embarrassed about it...So I think the only thing you can do here is to continue losing weight (without pushing yourself too hard) and to give yourself a little more credit. Yo've a lot to be proud of. :]
•
The weight loss is a healthy thing, and I'm all for healthy. 5 years ago I weighed in
at 350 (in the hospital) and have since rethought my life and lifestyle. If I want to live,
I can only do so healthy. I've lost close to 200 lbs and weigh weekly, count calories,
exercise, the whole 9 yards. I had no other choice.
At your height, your weight isn't nearly as extreme as mine was. For your physical
health, I encourage you to stay with the track you're on for YOU. It's never healthy to
change who WE are to accomodate someone else. You'll never be happy being
someone you're not just to attract a guy.
I'm meandering, but it's way too early for cognitive exercises. Anyway...from one
formerly heavy guy to another, way to go! Stay with it for YOU and romance
will take care of itself.
(this coming from a single guy, lol)
hugz n smoochies
•
well he kinda likes you the way you are if he wants to start something 
•
You are insecure about your weight because you have been the butt end of many jokes. you are also insecure because society paints this 'bad' image of what beauty is. The guys on the 'Stud of the day' thread - they are the media whores idea of perfection, few are really ideal mates for real people.
In fact that thread is a good place to go to see the programming of the gay mind as to what 'stud' means. Shaved bodies, six packs, muscle and tone and nearly every single one of them is a 'baby' (well under 40 years of age). That is the media programing about masculinity and manhood. It happens to women as well, you know skeletal bodies, silicon injected breasts - women who may 'look nice' but do not have enough body fat to insure the survival of their offspring... ew.
The reality is that no matter how much weight you lose, you will have insecurities about your own personal 'physical fitness' in the eyes of others. That damage is already done - and I fear that you may be going down a path where you will continually feel fat when in fact you are fit but always be worried about the cupcakes, ice-screams and other tasty treats and always see a fat man in the mirror.
One mistake people make is using the scales (weight alone) to judge fitness.
Arnold Schwarzenegger stood around 6'1 and weighed in at around 250lbs (off season weight) would anyone call him fat?
According to BMI charts he was obese... Was he really?
No - why? because the majority of that weight was in the for of muscle.
What matters is body fat percentage. If you have a layer of padding over muscle, then changes are you may be 'fit'.
I would strongly suggest you get a body fat weigh in done (find out your body fat percentage). I think the most effective and most accurate is the displacement measuring where they weight you in dry land, then weigh you in a pool of water. How much you float can be calculated to how much fat to muscle mass you have. Fat floats, muscle sinks.
If this guy is interested in you already, then you 'won' - Losing weight may not be a high priority in his mind. Least ways not for 'good looks'. Health concerns he may have yes - but that depends on on how fit you really are.
There are guys in the world who like men with extra padding... and hairy torsos, and bald, and all of the other things mainstream media paints as 'not good looking'.
•
I think it's great that you are loosing weight, but like everyone else I think you should do it for yourself. I too am a bigger, hairy guy (hince the chubbycub name) but I've found someone who not only loves and appreciates me for who I am, but is also encouraging me as I attempt to change my lifestyle. The one thing I can say is, when you find someone like that, it doesn't matter how you look on the outside. It's who you are on the inside that counts!  Keep up the good work and all the best to you mate!
•
|
Gay and Overweight
