Going Solo For A While

[ElfiexElfSeeker]

I was dating this amazing woman, but my feelings for her became that of friendship more so than romantic love. More importantly, I realized I still harbored a broken heart from my previous girl friend. I didn't give myself time to heal I just jumped into the next relationship. An impulsive habit that I have finally learned does me no good.

More women have broken my heart than men. I'm at the point where I can't really trust anyone, because I have been so wrong about these women being "the one" for me. So I am currently happily single, finding happiness inside myself instead of outside of myself. I want to be with someone again, someday, but my heart needs to heal and I need to gain more control over my life.

Is there anyone who can give advice to someone who falls in love too hard, too fast? I try to go slow but things spiral out of control. It usually ends in an emotional train wreck. I have to find the faith of dating again, or believing there really is someone out there for me. But until then...I'm going solo.

Bright Blessings,
Aese

[LateBloomer]

Hi.

A straight female friend of mine (after a series of "disappointments") decided to become a self-described "serial first dater".

I guess she got tired of broken relationships, but didn't want to entirely drop out. So she kept dating but only with the expectation of JUST ONE DATE.

Dating for fun? Imagine THAT!



Good luck.

[pellaz]

... Is there anyone who can give advice to someone who falls in love too hard, too fast? I try to go slow but things spiral out of control ...

this could describe me too. I look for the basics and make the rest all work out. I am kinda a nester so possible anyone would do.

I have been alone too much in my life so that is not an option, its an easy thing for me to do, shut the people thing down in me.

[ElfiexElfSeeker]

I can't do lighthearted dating. I want a relationship to happen so I never just date for the sake of dating. I'm not sure that that is my life style. I kind of feel sad for your friend, but if she is finding happiness I guess that's what really matters.

I have been alone much of my life too. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by fate. But I believe there is someone out there for me and I might just meet them sooner than I think. But if not, I'm okay with that too. I always pray for the best possible outcome.

Bright Blessings,
Elfie

[Blue]

I think that my be the problem, you are looking for, expecting that relationship to happen and, as with expecting it not to happen, it becomes self fulfilling. You find reasons to thing he or she might be the one and just go for it head long.

Slow down, don't expect or not expect he or she to be the one, just take each date and each day as it comes. It might also help you to go out looking for friends, not romances, just get to know a person as a friend first, see where it goes, if anywhere.

[lizzielee]

Aese........Yes we all think that a new relationship is the perfect cure for a broken heart. I was guilty of this myself all the time when I was younger...........and as you know, it just is something we should avoid if we can and it is hard to do. Don't beat yourself up too much over this. Start to enjoy spending time with yourself. You have the right idea now that you are enjoying being single and you will wait......that's the first step. You are on the right track and have the right ideas ............
One piece of advice I can give you is to really really get to know that person before you give them your heart.........or anything else!! I have learnt this through experience and I wish I applied that years ago.........
All the best with this.........take care
LL xx

[zeon]

Hello,
I recently lost my love and it is devistating however learning to be yourself can be just as fun as being in a relationship... I am getting myself a new dog tomorrow because i had my ex rip my other two away from me as they were "ours". I would maybe recommend as a healing process and learn to love yaself again share some happiness with a companion in life if possible or even look about getting a different animal as they are just as loyal and never leave or hurt ya! and best of all

NO BACK CHATS NO ARGUMENTS AND NEVER GET OFFENDED WHEN U LEAVE THEM FOR A MOMENT IN TIME TO HAVE A SHAG xx

[Rainbowmum]

Hi Elfiex

I think the best thing you can do right now , is to learn who your are and be comfortable with your own company.

If you are comfortable being yourself , you will not be forced into doing things out of desperation.
Never rely on someone else for your own happiness.

[Rosie]

Elfiex,

I had the same problem as you, but after my last girlfriend I realized that the only thing I was getting from it was unfulfilling relationships with people who were wrong for me. I decided to focus on doing things *I* wanted, simply because I was single and I could. So I took a trip to New York City with a friend, started attending groups and meetings at a gay community center, made new friends, and went to clubs just to dance and have a good time. My ex had made me feel like I was boring and would be unattractive to others, all of this helped me to see that I WAS fun, that people enjoyed talking to me and generally just being around me. After a while I was then prodded into joining a dating site and met someone that I clicked with right away (as in about an hour later!) but I decided to take it slow. I was then introduced to another woman who I also got on amazingly with. Instead of forcing myself to choose one of them right away I made sure they knew that I was dating several people and not looking to commit to anyone so soon. I then found out that a friend was interested in me and began dating her also. After about a month of this I realized that my friend (the 3rd woman I began dating) and I had this incredible connection, we were just immediately at ease with one another (something that is not typical for either of us), had the most amazing conversations, and the attraction was intense. That "friend" is now my wife. If I had rushed into things with the first semi-suitable woman that was interested I would never have pursued a relationship with my wife and would still be stuck in an endless cycle of unfulfilling relationships. Btw, while all of this was going on my ex did an about face and tried to get me back as well, needless to say I wasn't interested but it just goes to show how confidence and competition makes one more desirable.
Good luck