More guy troubles...

[archubbycub]

So I'm in this relationship with this younger guy now for a little over 3 months, and up until recently things have been going great. We've been seeing each other on the weekends due to him being in college 45 minutes away, but that hasn't really been a big problem. But over the past couple of weeks things have been different.

He has seemed distant to me, like he's either got something on his mind or he's not into me anymore. I know that he's been extremely busy with his classes, plus he's in a play at school that has taken up a lot of his time. But still, I don't understand why he's acting this way.

This past weekend was the worst! We talked some via text and we talked on the phone for about ten minutes Saturday, but Sunday we barely talked at all. And, call me crazy or obsessed or whatever, but him not responding hardly on Sunday really hurt.

I finally text him yesterday morning and asked him if he was mad at me and he said he wasn't. He said he's just been really busy and stressed. I said ok, but if he's stressed shouldn't I be the one he leans on? Couldn't he at least take 3 to 5 minutes to respond to my text?

So last night was final dress rehearsal for the play and he told me that he would be done around 9:30. I told him that was fine that I should still be up then and he could call me. No call. I waited until 11 o'clock last night and no fucking call! I finally text him and told him I was going to bed and told him what my work schedule is for today and that if he wasn't too busy he could call me on my lunch break or text me throughout the day. Otherwise I'd talk to him when I come over Wednesday night to see the play.

Am I reading too much into this? Is he just busy or is something else going on?

[Lilitu]

I wouldn't worry about it at all, he is probably just very busy and tired. I was in a kind of similar situation a couple of months ago in a production of Anne Frank and I was so busy that whole week that I had practically no contact with anybody outside the theatre and school, I was occupied straight from 9 in the morning to midnight.

When you're busy it's actually very difficult for some people to take 5 minutes out to text someone or anything like that because you lose your focus and it throws you off rhythm. I know I hate to have to text somebody when I'm busy, especially since I have absolutely no capacity for multitasking. Don't worry about it, just leave it be until after the production's ended and he's got some free time, and if he's still acting strange then confront him, that way he'll have no excuse not to talk.

But it's most probably just a matter of too much going on, and the kind of stress that is dealt with internally and not by leaning on someone else simply due to time constraints.

[RockerBlocks]

He's a college student. he's got alot going on. he's in a state of mind, it's all stressful for him at the moment

Give it time (: Things will come around.

[archubbycub]

Thanks guys! I certainly hope you're right and that he will come around. The show is over Thursday night and I think he is coming home Saturday so hopefully we'll have time to talk then.

[Blue]

Most likely stress and a lot going on for him but, don't put blinders on to the off chance there is more to it either.

See how he is once some of the stress is gone, and do try to get him to talk, at least in person. Vague answers just leave you wondering so, let him know that and, get more solid answers.

[pellaz]

stuff like this changes a relationship forever, try to keep a lid on your emotions. Think things through and act slower than your normal, find things/distractions to do that dont include your partner.

I here a lot of how you guys had a schedule, i bet he was at your house more than not. maybe the schedule needs to change around your partners needs for a time. Ask him what he needs? Maybe just come by and buy him dinner or do his laundry.

[BobInTampa]

My prediction? If you keep hounding him like this he's going to break up with you because you are adding to his stress level, and you're coming across as VERY VERY VERY needy. I know sitting and waiting for a call or text message can be tough, but really, please tell me you've not STOPPED Living your life have you? Please tell me you don't sit around waiting on his calls and texts and then wrapping yourself up around the gears worrying that he's cheating on you...right?

Look. You're in a long-distance relationship. He's in school. He's got classes, homework, and school friends. If you can't understand where you fit in - then you're doing a good job makign sure he breaks up with you because you're coming across as needy.

[lizzielee]

Relax it really just sounds like stress from College and the production etc etc....
I'm sure everything will be back to normal in no time...

[East]

I agree with Bob....

In my case....When I need space and I find someone getting mad at me or needing any kind of reassurance and I know this sounds cold but I tend to withdraw when I am stressed out and someone bugging me makes it 20 x worse...and I withdraw more.

If I sense they are angry or insecure I will withdraw even more and avoid them because i dont' feel like "fixing" them.....I can actually become completely unattracted or turned off to them or want nothing else to do with them if they push me too hard.....

Of course this is only my own experience and I have no idea if this is why he is behaving in that manner but just in case I am throwing it out there.

[zeon]

Why not invite him out for dinner and find a date when his avalible and then talk honestly with him over dinner in a calm collective manner show him the same level of respect ya want and see where ya go...