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10-21-2012, 11:22 AM

Most of my relationships have been long-distance ones. So...I'm kind of sick of not being able to have any physical contact with the guy I love. My current boyfriend...I like to think we're soulmates. That's how it appeared to be for such a long time, in the beginning. Until a month or so ago, actually...We don't exchange those massive mails anymore...and it wasn't me who intiated that stop. We talk, often, almost every day...And sometimes we have a fantastic time. But I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, trying to keep a balance in myself, within my feelings..
He's always amazing, of course. I have no doubt in his love, I know he loves me. But...I am more needy than he is. And I'm going through a lot of shit and I just need him. To be there for me...But he's really busy, I know he is, and he's quite tired most of the time, or he can't reply to my mails...And sometimes he can, but just doesn't. He was the one who started this, the one who poured out his admiration for me, the one to surprise me with long, incredibly romantic mails, the one to show his need for me...And now? I'm lucky if I get a surprise mail or something once a week, or anything...And I'm trying not to blame him! Because I understand what it is like to be busy, I know...but I can't help but feel hurt and offended too. Like, my pride is wounded for being this needy and not receiving anything...

I just feel like he's taking my feelings and what we have for granted. As in..he's forgetting how difficult it can be. All fucking people are like that. They start showing you how much they appreciate you only when you pull away. Why do I have to pull away? I don't want to. I want him to be romantic and see how much I need him and do something about it. It's not like I'm not swallowing my pride to show it. And I know he's busy. I know what it's like to be so busy you barely have any time to breathe. I thought that once I started school, I'd get super busy too and things will be balanced...But even when I'm busy, I'm always here for him. No matter how much work I have, I'm thinking of him, you know, in the back of my mind, and I'd be here if he needed me. I wish I could send him cute little things, just to show him how much I love and support and appreciate him, without feeling like I'm annoying him.
I'm a good boyfriend, god damn it! I'm a fantastic boyfriend and I deserve to be treated better! Don't I?

We had a similar issue before and I went through a lot of internal turmoil before we talked about it and things got better. And now...I'm trying to appreciate every little thing he does and be satisfied with it...But I just need more. I'm the kind of person that needs more. Is that okay? Is it okay to need more support and to want your partner to be more romantic and to have those moments when you just desperately need him to tell you that he loves you and that it's all okay....Is it normal to question every feeling?

I still do believe that he's my soulmate. Some time ago he said that everything we're going through, all the troubles we have in our separate lives, and together, are, perhaps, a test...to see how far we can go to be together. A fiend of mine said that yesterday too. Could I hold on to that? To that notion?

I apologize for the lengthy post and would like to thank in advance everyone who will take the time to reply.

I'm just not sure what's worse - to know you're alone, or to know you that supposedly have someone and you can't really 'have' them the way you'd like to.

10-21-2012, 12:43 PM

Hi

I am surprised how much I can identify with what you wrote. I don't remember how long you are together. Have you seen each other, or you contact each other via emails? Do you talk over the phone?

10-21-2012, 12:47 PM

We started talking in March and it was crazy intense. We've been together, like officially, for like 4-5 months now. I've tried bringing up contacting each other by means other than email, but he always kinda..brushes it off and I don't bring it up anymore. This is his first actual relationship of this intensity, as far as I know, and I don't want to push him. I'm trying to..you know, wait for him to come around.

10-21-2012, 12:54 PM

Yes, I know.

You know what? I'll send you a PM in couple of hours. I am a bit busy right now.
*hug*

10-21-2012, 01:16 PM

Long distance relationships -- gee in my opinion they are great in the beginning but as time goes on, the pressures and stress of being separated and all that comes with that, I think must play a toll on your relationship. You are needy and he is busy. You need emotional support from him but he cannot give you that due to being busy and the distance. When you say that you love each other and you are soul mates makes me think is there a way you can meet up with him soon or sometime in the future. If you can make plans to meet up you have something to look forward to and it will help you get through the times when you are needing more support from him and he is too busy to give it to you. I know it must be hard for you but my suggestion to you is that if you could talk to him and somehow have a plan to meet up in the near future would be a good idea.
All the best with this and I hope it works out for you seeing you have strong feelings for each other.......
Take care

Dan1980 · 10-21-2012, 01:38 PM

Hi tell him how you feel, tell him that you need time together. I know what your going through. Long distance relationships are hard but if you love each other it will work. I wish you both luck.

10-21-2012, 01:49 PM

Thank you all for the kind words and thoughtful advice, it's definitely reassuring and calming.

The thing is, we're separated by all of Africa. I live in Europe and he lives in South Africa. Things are complicated in both out lives, but what we have in not your basic long-distance relationship. I do believe that we connect on many and deeper levels. Meeting up in the near future is absolutely impossible, with him being in college and not out and me trying to survive the final two years before I leave for college and get my life together the way I want it to be. I would be fine with skyping and video chatting too, you know. Emails were enough until some point, and then...

10-21-2012, 01:54 PM

just a thought about your signature. You are not a freak, don't plant it in your head by having it under each of your posts. Even if you thought like that about the whole mankind, it would not be ok really.

On the other hand... that's the smallest part of all those I don't get about your signature

10-21-2012, 05:20 PM

Nick9 Wrote:just a thought about your signature. You are not a freak, don't plant it in your head by having it under each of your posts. Even if you thought like that about the whole mankind, it would not be ok really.

On the other hand... that's the smallest part of all those I don't get about your signature

I am happy to label myself a freak because it sets me apart. Being a freak is not something bad and I do not perceive it as such. As for the rest, it's okay, I don't expect people to understand my signature.