How will I know?

[archubbycub]

Thanks Blue! No I'm not saying everyday is a good day. Nor am I saying that every time I think of him I don't feel some sort of emotion about what he and I shared. But I do know that I was way too clingy and needy of someone who was in no way ready to settle down. That, couples with the fact that I was not completely out of an already failed marriage spelled disaster for he and I. But I'm ready to move on and put my life together so I can share it with someone who appreciates me and what I have to offer.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks guys! It hasn't been easy, but I have gotten to the point where I can think about him and all the things we share and not break down and cry. And as far as being bitter or angry towards him, I've never felt that way. That's just not the type of person I am.

I know I don't NEED someone in my life like that, but it would be nice to have someone to come home to each day and talk about what all went on in each others lives. I never could do that with my ex wife because the moment I'd start complaining about something she would turn it around and make me feel bad for getting upset over something that happened.

I know it's not going to be in the next two or three weeks, but I was thinking sometime around the first of the year. That is, if we all survive 12-21-12!!! LOL

I take it you don't do 'alone' or make the mistake of thinking that alone must be lonely. Being single is not all about loneliness. Perhaps I'm just an odd person, but I enjoy being alone - meaning without people around me - I enjoy it so much I used to go hunting, fishing, hiking, camping alone - well as alone as one can be surrounded by thousands of trees, birds, rocks, chipmunks, a few bears, mountain lions, perhaps wolves or coyotes.

I'm unclear here, are you divorced or in the process of divorce, thus only separated? If the divorce is proceeding, now is a good time to NOT get involved with another person. That whole divorce situation can do numbers to your mood, especially if lawyers get involved.

If you have divorced (legally) then have you worked through all of the luggage you picked up from your marriage, the resentments of the marriage, the resentments of the divorce?

Yes it would be nice to spend holidays with people, but it would also be nice to have a million dollars laying about the house too... Some things are impossible to have sometimes.

I have successfully managed to survive several holidays by myself. It wasn't sad, it wasn't horrific. I had a good, comfortable time at home by myself. Slept in late, had coffee with eggnog, spent the day reading and relaxing - all good.

I'll tell you this much, if you can't be comfortable by yourself or with just yourself, you are going to have troubles being around other people - like partners. If you don't like yourself enough to want to spend time with just yourself, changes are high others will not want to spend time with you.

As for that puppy - It is already communicating a lot more to you than just 'feed me'. You just need to learn how to listen with your whole being. Dogs are often the most loyal and loving companions a person can have. Unlike humans their love comes without strings attached.

So having a Christmas Day with just your dog isn't really alone. Especially if you focus a bit of attention doing puppy type things....

[archubbycub]

No I don't do "alone" very well. I'm a very social person, always have been. And I don't think anyone who does cope well with being alone is weird. It's just who they are. Heck, I have my times when I like to be alone, especially when I'm sick. But like I said I'm a very social person. I like to have someone around most of the time.

And I don't equate alone with being lonely. But I do get lonely a lot here lately. Especially at night when things settle down and it's just me and the puppy here by ourselves. And I do get that she's saying more than just "feed me." Trust me, I've learned to listen to her and know when she's wanting more than just food. She and I have a pretty good sense of what each other needs and I spend a lot of time just setting with her in my lap or in the floor playing with her. We are the best of friends.

The divorce will be final Monday when the judge signs the papers. Yes, I know I was wrong by getting into another relationship, gay or straight, before the divorce was final. But it was never my intention to do so. I found someone that I thought was a lot like me, we started off as friends, and things developed from there. Rather quickly I might add. But in no way do I apologize for falling in love with another man while the divorce was still in process. Nor do I regret it. I simply regret that things developed as quickly as they did and the fact that I fell so head over heels for him like I did.

And as far as the holidays go, I know that I have friends that I can spend them with. And if all else fails I have my family (God help me on that one)! But it would be nice to have someone to wake up to on Christmas Day, or to share a Thanksgiving supper just me and him. But that doesn't appear to be in the near future. *sigh*

[pellaz]

right now, give all that you got, thats what they want.

[Blue]

Well, you won't be the only one spending the holidays alone. Not that I mind, alone is fine with me. At most I will call a few people, maybe chat with others home alone for the holidays, if they happen to be online. I'll have my favorite holiday meals, and just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet with my wolfdogs - good enough for me.

As for someone to cuddle with? Sure that would be nice but, that's not going to happen this year so, I'm going to enjoy my holidays alone. Besides I can hunt the holiday hunts when everyone else is off over stuffing themselves on turkey, ham and whatever else.

[archubbycub]

Well it looks like things maybe looking up for me! I just got invited to go out with friends this Saturday. The same ones who took me to my first gay bar a couple of weekends ago. AND the guy who came over to help my friend move his boat is going to be there! Now I'm not saying that I'm going to start dating this guy next week. But it will definitely be nice to meet someone new for a change. And who knows? Maybe me and this guy will hit it off?

[Blue]

Just go out looking for friends, not dates, you'll do fine.

[archubbycub]

Yeah that's my intention Blue. I'm not even calling this a date. But I do intend to have a good time!

[princealbertofb]

Do just that, Archubbycub. Have fun and don't feel pressured to start something new so soon.

[archubbycub]

Thanks PA! You should read the latest thread I just posted titled "Interesting developments"