sex has died

[Anonymous]

Been with my partner for a year now. To start with things were fab. We always got along, had sex daily and generally had a healthy relationship.
obviously in all relationships the sex dies down naturally.
However. ..its been a whole month now and despite my efforts he just will not have any sort of sex with me.
The last time we did I bottomed for him and its not something I do often. We have spoke about roles etc and he prefers to be bottom and I prefer top. So I have tried coming onto him as a top and still nothing.
We keep having silly arguments about non relevant things and sometimes it turns into a big argument where he threatens to leave me or vice versa.

Now...my worry is that he may be getting it else where. I have asked him but he tells me not to be daft etc.
Also...he says he isn't horny. But a month not being horny seems a little stretched to me. Considering his normal high sex drive.
He also masturbates and when he does I have tried to come onto him then too. But he still doesn't.
Now im really worried he either isn't attracted to me any more OR he is getting it somewhere else.

I know there could be many reasons why. But... I would like some opinions.
Have you had anything similar happen to you or could you offer me advice on what steps to take?
I have tried the talking approach and I get alot of negative response. He accuses me of only wanting him for sex and it starts arguments again.
Talking doesn't work lol. Even in the calmest manor he seems to think im starting on him.
So....HELP plzzzzz

[ChadCoxRox]

you've read the signs for yourself. If it were me I'd end the relationship if he is unwilling to work on the concern or even acknowledge it. Best wishes!

[Nick9]

Hi Anon,
is it just sex what has been missing? What about looks, touches, nice words? What about his health? Some medicine can cause the lack of sexual interest. I think that it can also be caused by severe lack of some vitamins or minerals.
Can he be depressed? It can be tricky to recognize a depression though.

[Blue]

Don't ignore your gut feeling on this - chances are you are right. I know - OUCH! But I've both seen other pay and paid the price myself for ignoring such things.

Ignore it now and, you are setting yourself up for a nasty downward spiral, the longer it goes on, the worse it gets. Either push for the truth, or assume you are right and do what you have to do.

Maybe couples counseling would help, if he's willing to give it a try. You don't give enough information for me to know if other issues might be going on with him but, based on the little you have given, elsewhere is a high probability.

[princealbertofb]

Sometimes it's better not to give up on someone. But it is true that you need to work at it... maybe find a new angle, some other way of treating the problem. Maybe the problem is deep rooted and not at all what you'd expect. I'm afraid I have nothing to suggest for the moment.

[East]

Oh...sorry PA...I deleted it. Even though it is my story and our story I rethought it and since I do not have his permission to share his part of the story I thought I better take it down. My lover is not really very big on sharing anything personal with anyone really and especially on the internet...

What I can say is what I started out with...it could be anything and how you deal with it depends on your character and who you are as an individual.

[Nick9]

it could be anything and how you deal with it depends on your character and who you are as an individual.

Hi East, I absolutely respect your reasons and the right for privacy. I also found your posts very helpful many times.
But his sentence is just sweet Isn't it a definition of the life and its troubles in a nutshell? :biggrin:

[East]

Yes Nick...now that you mention it...it does pretty much sums it up...

I don't usually write it out but often times it is exactly what I am thinking and my first response to alot of questions of this nature....

[Nick9]

But... what if we want to change? To "grow"? I think it is good to ask and seek advice, even though there are so many possibilities and solutions...

[East]

I think it is great to seek advice...and to want to grow.

I have to admit that I delete almost 60% of my real responses before I ever hit SUBMIT and I stay silent because I think my advice is too far in left field too many times...and I know it is not what people want to hear.

I got my advice the hard way though...I earned it...and I have lived it...