Abusive Tendencies

[Anonymous]

I think I have abusive tendencies...

I've been burned a lot in my life, and I think that bitterness is starting to show through.

I grew up in an abusive neglected environment, and I have a general hatred towards people in general. There's this one guy I've been talking to, and we're just friends, but I know he likes me more than that.

I find it easy to push him around, at first it was just playful, but now I'm getting some sort of sick and twisted satisfaction from being a total bitch to him. He's vulnerable and easy, and way too empathetic about my situation, wanting to help me all the damn time, and I hate him for it.

My whole life, I've been the victim of others' cruel intentions, everybody's doormat, and now, subconsciously, I'm yearning to turn the tables.... fuck...

[Rainbowmum]

Hi anon

I strongly suggest that you seek professional help.
For what ever reason you believe you are justified in harming this guy , following through is not the way to go.

Please get help before you do something regrettable , that may harm you both.

[RockerBlocks]

I really think you need to seek professorial help, and i really think you need to lose contact of this guy before you do any self harm to him or to yourself.

[ceez]

maybe you should talk to a professional to help bring those walls down. I know a good way to start would be to forgive those that hurt you but for now try to think of what you would loose if you ran him away.

[Blue]

Back off - STOP - do not victimize him. DO tell him that you need to back off and not talk to him so much, or at all. You don't have to say why, though I'm sure he'd appreciate some explanation.

Friends don't do that to friends.

Stop leading him on, stop grooming him to become your victim.

Get some help. There are links to abuse survivor support sites in the user group I manage here, or PM me directly for those links. You will find a safe place to begin healing in those sites as well as information to help you choose a therapist, and get yourself together before you victimize anyone else.

Yes it's hard to come forward and say "I was abused and I need help." It's hard even trying to heal, and it's a life long journey but it IS worthwhile and, it does get better. Please find the help you need and stop hurting your "friend" NOW.

[Rainbowmum]

You may want to check out this link.

[Pix]

I'm yearning to turn the tables

Technically, you're not turning the tables. That would be bringing those who mistreated you to ruin (or taking advantage of their own misfortune) to abuse them back. What you're doing is spreading the disease that those cruel people put into you and now you're putting into others. You're not turning the tables on your abusers, you're becoming another member of their horde. Maybe one day the guy you're abusing now will snap himself and start abusing yet someone else even as you find others to infect with what you've been infected with.

I really hope you can turn it around. :frown:

[brituc1]

I can relate. I grew up in a similar environment and for the longest time I would get irritated very easily and lash out verbally or look for an excuse to pick a fight. When I first met someone I actually cared about, the same pattern started again but I always felt incredibly guilty afterwards. I finally learned to control my temper and adjust my personality because I couldn't stand hurting his feelings. Apparently it stuck because even after we split up, I'm still pretty even-tempered in most situations.

I think it's a cognitive thing, if you really wanna change keep practicing controlling ur temper. Think of it as housebreaking a dog. It takes time, but you'll be happier in the end.

I will be honest though, I ended up breaking up with the guy because I found out he had been cheating on me left & right so I broke all of his crystal before I kicked his ass out. Sometimes anger is justified

[dfiant]

get help. You have turned into an abuser and the victim you are grooming may not be as empathetic as you think he is...especially if you go too far and he is armed.

You will end up as hated as you hate your abusers. You aren't turning any table, that is an illusion, you are just empowering your abusers by becoming an abuser just like them.

If you want to truely turn the tables, stop the cycle.

If this guys doen't walk away from you, I think you should walk away from him and leave him alone, you don't deserve his friendship.

Go and get some victims counselling or you are just going to continue along this destructive path.

[Blue]

This post kind of bothers me. I can think of a few people here that you might be, Anon. Just do the guy you are talking about the courtesy of telling him you need to stop talking to him. You don't have to explain why, just a "I need a break and thing we need not to talk." is enough.

Now, if the guy has been through abuse himself, were I you, I'd come out and tell him what's going on with you. He may be far enough along in his healing to handle it, and would stand up to you, and still be a friend if that's what you need.

And if you haven't actually hurt him, maybe you two just need to talk.

Finally, if you are one of the ones that messages me, talk to me, even if you think I'm the friend in this case because, if this is one of you then you haven't done anything hurtful toward me yet, and if this is how you're feeling, then we need to talk about this and, if you are one that messages me, I'd be more hurt if you just stopped talking than if you were honest with me and told me this.