I don't like lying to people

[idontlikelying]

Hi everyone,
I am 18 years old and a freshman in college. I'm currently in the closet even though I have known I am gay for as long as I can remember. I know that people I am close to suspect that I may be gay, but I lie to them and tell them that I am straight because I am afraid of what my family will think. I have 2 sisters and I know that they would support me completely if I came out, however, my parents and grandparents are very conservative and they are my mine source of financial support during college. I don't want to live a lie and I would absolutely love to be able to be who I am to my friends and everyone around me but I have no idea what my family would do if I came out. Has anyone had a similar type of situation?

I'd also like to add that in addition to being conservative my parents are very christian and are against gay marriage. I have a cousin who came out as a lesbian a couple of years ago and my mother suggested that my aunt send her to some sort of camp where they "cure" gay people. I'm also afraid my mother would try to do this with me even though I'm fully aware there is no cure and that I was born this way.

Please help.

Thanks

[Rainbowmum]

First of all

I know you want to be yourself ,but right now might not be the time to tell your parents.
As harsh as this might sound , your parents have been brainwashed.

Right now you are dependent on your parents for your survival and education.
You can come out anytime , but in your case ,I would suggest that you wait.

[dfiant]

you don't need to come out, and you don't need to lie about your sexuality. Your sexuality doesn't define you so it is no one elses business who you fancy.

'Are you gay?'....Yes, i'm very happy.
'We never see you with a girl friend'...I got the rest of my life to meet someone.
'Do you plan on getting married? Do you want kids.'...Some day that could be a possibilty when I meet the right person.

You haven't lie in those examples, and you have made your answers gender nuetral so you are politely telling people that it is none of their business

[Double007]

I would wait. Give yourself time to build a support system (gay friends or loyal straight friends). Getting through college is very important right now. You have too much to worry about right now and too much fun to be had to be concerned with what your family thinks of you. Hopefully, you are out of state. Again, It's not worth the possibility of loosing your financial support for school. Work on creating a more confident you before you come out to other people.

[RockerBlocks]

It's no one's business about who you date, wither it be male or female it doesn't matter. So you have not lied in anyway seeing as it's no one's place to judge in the first place.

As for help, i suggest doing what Mum and difant have said. Keep it low key and if anyone ask's tell the truth the way you want to tell the truth. Such as "No, I'm still waiting for my life partner. I have school to worry about." You don't have to answer to anybody about your sexuality.

[idontlikelying]

One problem about trying to date here at college is that I go to a university very close to home. I live on campus, but my parents are only about 25 minutes away.

[LateBloomer]

I think you have received some excellent advice from everyone.

But I also think life is to be lived (in my case, I woke up a little later than most). So maybe I'm jealously putting more value on your youth than it deserves.

But you are obviously (to me) expressing a desire to be out and open.

THIS IS REAL LIFE.

You're wisely anticipating the conflict. Perhaps what you need are some suggestions as to what the possible consequences (and solutions) might be.

First of all, you're a legal adult at age 18. Your parent might suggest sending you to some crazy anti-gay camp, but legally, they could never accomplish that without your cooperation. You are a free man--in a legal sense.

And you're already well aware they could cut you off, financially, emotionally, spiritually.

I think that would be the WORST case.

Reality is probably somewhere in the middle between acceptance/love and being entirely and summarily cut off.

Just live your life as true as you can, one day at a time.

Favorite Shakespeare quote:
"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou cans't not be false to any man "

[Maverick]

On the strings of Late Bloomer's comments, I can understand where he is coming from with his advice, you don't want to "look back" and regret how you lived some of your life. However, I really like what dfiant said as well, you "can" answer those typical questions with generalized responses. After all, really, you are an adult now, and it's nobodys business except your own about your sexually (not even your parents or siblings). I'm not saying "someday" you won't want to address this, but there is no reason to feel compelled at this time. You are young and still "getting your feet wet" so to speak with life in general. So I'd say leave it alone, don't feel obligated to share your intimate feelings. Remember, it's your business, and nobody else's....

[ChadCoxRox]

Hi everyone,...I don't want to live a lie and I would absolutely love to be able to be who I am to my friends and everyone around me but I have no idea what my family would do if I came out. Has anyone had a similar type of situation?...Please help. Thanks

Christian people who love you can adjust and change just like anyone else...


Best wishes for you!

[Zennyboy]

Sometimes some of us are forced to beat around the truth, I am whole heartly against lying, i dont lie, if i do lie its mainly to protect someone close and important to me, and at most times i do what they call bounce around the truth.

Now im not in the closet right now and if someone asks the "RIGHT" question i will tell them straight out. But i used to bounce around the truth when i was in the closet, because people i found didnt ask the right question.

for example: Do you like men? yea, why do you think i have male friends, otherwise all my friends would be female.

Its not telling outright im gay but it avoided the question because it wasnt right

In regards to parents and that, i admit i avoided telling my parents, in actual fact as people know who read my coming out story, i never actually told them, i continued to beat around the truth, however they noticed things, like how i started hanging out with one guys and that. You see i come from a VERY old family, the last gay guy in my family actually got cut off completely and disowned and so i faced the fear of coming out to them and having the same thing happen to me. so i kept my head down, finished my education, and moved out before i decided the time was right, so if they wanted to cut me off, they could do so and it wouldnt hit me so hard apart from emotionally.

Sometimes binding our time is a good thing, allowing us to get our ducks in a row before shooting them off the side

so my advice dude, get yourself sorted, finish your education and set yourself up. That way if the worst thing you think of does happen and i hope it doesnt, you still have your own two feet to stand on.

My parents shocked me when they told me that if the family wanted to cut me off, then they will cut them off and would stand by my side. sometimes the things we fear dont come true and in some cases turns out we were wrong, but i dont take risks and would advise the same to others &^.^