I am having nervous feelings about telling my parents. I don't know why they are so hard. My sister is a lesbian but my grand parents raised her. They are not to happy about it either. They did their best to raise me straight but you can't nurture sexuality.I am worried I always said I wouldn't have the talk with them until I had a boyfriend to introduce. The bad thing about it all I told them twice. They are in complete denial. If they are in denial will they be really angry with me. Will they accept it.
I was pretty close to them, I was also very sheltered too.
Would too tell them? They are ultra catholic too.
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I would, but that's me. Do what you are comfortable dong. Parents like that are always hard to come out to, you can't change their beliefs so, even though they might accept you, being bi will always be wrong to them.
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Well, if you told them twice already, then really your job is done and you just have to be YOU. Trust me, if you think introducing your boyfriend to them is going to shock them into accpeting the fact that you are gay, is probably a pipe dream...and might cause more drama.
So, here's something to consider. The next time you're wiht your parents and they are acting like all's well, there will come a time when they say something like, "so hank, do you have a girlfriend?" or "are you dating anyone." That's your time to just smile and say, "Mom/dad, you know i'm gay and i don't date girls, but no, i'm not seeing anyone right now." Baby steps are the way to go.
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you have talked to them twice.
get together some literature if they read. may be a better method to explain who you are and what you are not.
I bet they have never met other gay people, have them attend a gay affirming catholic church with you:
divinity in Colorado
finally be the bigger person, accept them for who they are. Parents do not have any larger insight into life than you do. For example they might not be able to handle their own sexuality (internally homophobic), the only way they could raise a family with success is to have lots of structure (catholic church) in their life. You said your parents sheltered you, their parents and later the catholic church sheltered your parents.
if you are looking for emotional support and they are un willing un able to support your needs dont hold it against them if you cant create your own affirming environment either
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It's a very hard thing to do...........to come out to your parents. There are two things you can do here, you can shut up about it all and live your true life in hiding and live a lie.....JUST TO PLEASE OTHERS.....(basically what I did) or you can be true to yourself and others and tell them. If they do not accept it then that is their problem and has nothing to do with you. You have told them and they cannot emotionally blackmail you with their acceptance or not. You have told them -- if they do not want to accept it, then, I'm sorry to say, TOUGH for them. I am talking here from experience. I have been through turmoil over this as a teenager and mistakenly, took my parents advice and "turned my life around" and did what was the correct thing to do according to my parents was to get married and have children and then according to them, I would not be a lesbian anymore!!!. Something now, I deeply regret but not the children bit but living my life with someone I didn't want to -- I deeply regret.....
This is just from my own experience and may not be for you.......you only can decide what is the best thing to do here. Your situation, religious beliefs, familly ties etc etc all play a big part in all of this.
Good luck in what you do.......... I wish you all the best and remember, pick the moment if you decide to tell them....and perhaps start telling one of your parents that you get along with better than the other first.
Either way, whatever you decide to do, all the best with it all........
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Stop worrying. Get on with life, please! If they want, they will deal with when they are ready.
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I told them I was bisexual when I was seventeen. Really when they caught me looking at pornography that would hint that I wasn't straight. I was honest and open but it had to be a phase, never another word about it. I told them again about six weeks ago. No way I could be gay, I said I wasn't, I am bisexual, what it's the difference they ask. All I could do was walk away. II fear the only way they will accept it is if I have a boyfriend. I will never hide it again, but it isn't like I am hiding it from them, they made it clear they don't want to know. I fear fall out.
Gay affirming catholic church?, did I really hear that correctly?, I almost fainted when I read that.
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Golden rule , if you feel uncomfortable do not do it.
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Rainbowmum Wrote:Golden rule , if you feel uncomfortable do not do it.
Well, I guess that is one solution.
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Rainbowmum Wrote:Golden rule , if you feel uncomfortable do not do it.
I understand your reason for saying this, but if the live of my life turns out to be a manI well never hide that. I will sooner find deeper love than I have ever known, then appease others sensibilities. 27 years I spent in the closet, loving people but never being able to see it through. Fear and diss comfort clipped my metaphorical wings before I learned to fly. It's time to say damn the consciences, and live without fear.
I appreciate your words, and they hold true, but sometimes you have to do what is hard.
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