Learning to be who I am

[archubbycub]

This may sound a little strange coming from a 35 year old man, but I need some advice on figuring out who I am. And no, I am not having doubts about my sexuality. I know without any doubt that I am gay and mostly likely have been since the day I was born.

I'm just wanting to figure out the real me. The person I was intended to be all along. Not this fake person who puts on a mask for the whole world to see and laugh at (not that I mind being the center of attention from time to time). I want to get to know the Brian who's deep down inside. The one that nobody sees. The one who only comes around in those quiet moments when there's no one to watch.

I was wondering if you all might could recommend any books or websites (other than here of course) that might could get me started in the right direction. I love to read and I think I could learn a lot from having others share their experiences with me. And not just about being gay and all. But also getting to know the real person that's inside.

Thanks in advance for any advice or recommendations. You guys really are some of the best people I've ever had the privilege of talking to.

[Blue]

That is a tall order, you do realize that. You won't get there overnight and, If you're smart you never quite quit questioning yourself, looking for bits you've overlooked or neglected. Here are a few places to start reading and learning.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/find...e-real-you

http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/200...-with.html

And a good book:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Being...1932690204

[fenris]

I think it is just important to be honest to your self... and you can learn more about you.
Accept things .. learn to be with you. Be honest... if you find some bad sides... accept them, don´t ignore them or tell yourself that that can´t be ... you can change yourself only if you see and accept your bad sides..... and you will find some good, some very nice sides too and things you have not expect.

[archubbycub]

Yeah I know it's a tall order, and that I should never stop questioning myself or learning from both the good and the bad. But I think it's high time I started figuring out what all this really means for me and what I want out of life...besides someone to share it with.

[Rainbowmum]

It all starts with self acceptance , you have to accept yourself warts and all.
You must be honest and if you find something you do not like , you can always change it.

The Key is honesty and acceptance.

[Nick9]

It reminds me of myself. Several times during my adult life I felt like I had to change "something." To be "better." To start again with the clean table, from the square one.

Somehow it never worked for me. All significant changes and all my self-discovery happened slowly and without me pursuing the case.

I don't say that it won't work for you. The tone of your post just reminded me of the hope I felt whenever I started something like that.

I am learning about myself from looking back and surprisingly from helping others.

[archubbycub]

I really like helping others with their problems. I mean that's what I want to so with my life. But the looking back part is really hard for me right now. It hurts too much.

[Blue]

Helping others is fine so long as you don't neglect yourself in the process. Sure the late night here and there and, temporary times when you have to set yourself aside to be the support those you care about need but, you can't help leeches that don't want to try to be there for you when you need them later. Eventually there won't be anything of you left to give anyone if you don't stop and take care of yourself now and again.

[ChadCoxRox]

Archubbycub you are a PERFECT candidate for a life coach. One that is a licensed professional counselor who specializes in helping people clarify and define their life in terms of strategic planning. It is very easy to allow yourself to become repeatedly mired down with insecurities and fears so doing it on your own can be painstakingly laborious and draining. Doing it in relationship with an objective professional will free you up to chart a course and take real action without letting minutia weigh you down and keep you from reaching your potential. Check your state's professional counselor licensure board for a listing and find those who specialize in life coaching! You will not regret it!