Invaded his privacy - found him "Cheating"

[Guy]

Oh gee.
I feel horrible... I really hoped it can be overcome without both of us being total asshole liars.

I must be a terrible person for all this happening.

[Blue]

No you aren't a terrible person, you made a mistake. We all do it. What speaks to the kind of man you are is how you handle those mistakes.

It takes a bigger man to say "I blew it, I'm sorry. Can we fix this?" that it does to hide mistakes behind half truths and lies. And that's true with friends or lovers - the better man is the honest man that's fallible, not the liar that only makes himself look perfect.

[ChadCoxRox]

Oh gee.
I feel horrible... I really hoped it can be overcome without both of us being total asshole liars.

I must be a terrible person for all this happening.

Don't let the saddness of the circumstance dictate. Don't distract yourself from the issue at hand. Is having an untrustworthy relationship better than having no relationship at all? You checked that phone because you suspected. If your suspicion was irrational then so be it.

I've seen WAY too many people get burned because "they" had understandings and expectations that were not clear come in to question when the signs were ignored all along the path to loss of the relationship. LIFE IS TOO SHORT and I believe you BOTH deserve better.

Anyone can give you an opinion and some may even try to purport their opinion is definitive. You are still left with the task of deciding. Please know that your supports here at GS will still be here no matter right/wrong, good/bad or indifferent. Stay connected as you walk through this very difficult time! (and listen to Blue )

[Zet]

Creating to much drama will just make him think of you as a bitch, and can kill the spark between the 2 of you. So just be calm and try to get him to tell the truth and also tell him the truth in a way that shows that you love him and care for him, so you don't create unnecessary negative energy which could lead him away from you.

[Vigilias]

Mutual mistrust is not much to build a relationship on, really, is it?

[lizzielee]

I can see that you are in a stressful situation right now.

One thing, is that I don't like ex's hanging around even if they are just friends........hmmm I just don't like that at all. Too much temptation.........

Ask yourself this question......do you really want to be with someone that you can't trust? You will be forever checking his phone and finding out about his indiscretions and then you will be in this same position that you can't tell him because he will get upset that you looked at his phone......... and you will put yourself all through this again............

You need to be in a relationship that is built on trust........

Good luck here......

[Guy]

Creating to much drama will just make him think of you as a bitch, and can kill the spark between the 2 of you. So just be calm and try to get him to tell the truth and also tell him the truth in a way that shows that you love him and care for him, so you don't create unnecessary negative energy which could lead him away from you.

I'm in a huge problem.

I talked to him and even got to ask him directly (with a reasoning behind my question) whether or not he did such a thing (swap nudies with this guy) without telling him I know, and he lied to my face. It could very possibly because he's ashamed and he's afraid to tell me the truth - because it was that particular guy, and he knows how much I would be hurt a lot over this...and it happened 2.5 months ago and it is no longer relevant at all.

In that conversation we had yesterday, he said many reassuring things, how he would never cheat on me (he never did physically) and many more really emotional nice things. I know I matter a lot to him, but then I ask myself did I not matter a lot to him 2 months ago when this happened, and it happened anyway?


My stomach is upside down, I can't eat properly, I lose sleep, I don't have any appetite and at the moment my grief overwhelms me. I think these emotions express how emotionally attached I am... I know that it might very well be a one time thing, and all in all they didn't even speak on phone, they just did it on sms and swapped several nudies and like a 3 seconds videoe. But two things really bother me - at that time I was helping him in a project he had out of my vacation time....and also that particular person he did it with is someone he KNOWS I don't like his friendship with him.

He needs my help now again for this project he has, but my heart is aching....I can think of nothing but this. I hoped maybe I can just take it like a man and say - hey, I trust this person, we love each other a lot, and I should let it go. I know that if I confront him directly about it, I will have no choice but to take a break, and we will both be hurt. He will be hurt from the fact that I looked inside his phone while it was connected to my comp for charging (it's not like I deliberately searched his phone, but the opportunity came up when he was not near it and I did it)


Because of the way I feel, I'm really close to just let the whole thing out in the open and talk about it, but I know that it will be the end of something that's been very good....
On the other hand, I'm trying to resist that urge. If only I could get over that betrayal....he might have not done something THAT horrible as physically cheating, but the fact that he outright kept it away from me and lied about it for so long....there were several times I expressed my concern about his friendship with this guy, and in the recent 2 months (after the incident) he seemed quite upset like something is really bugging him.


I think for our relationship the best move would be to try and overcome it. I think part of the reason he stopped his friendship with that guy is the guilt he is feeling, but I can't know for sure.

However, I am feeling so horrible right now. I feel I can't trust him fully....I can't express the stress and emotional sorrow I am feeling right now.

Did anyone share a similar experience? Do you think my horrible feeling will fade away?
Sigh.

[Zet]

I'm in a huge problem.

I talked to him and even got to ask him directly (with a reasoning behind my question) whether or not he did such a thing (swap nudies with this guy) without telling him I know, and he lied to my face. It could very possibly because he's ashamed and he's afraid to tell me the truth - because it was that particular guy, and he knows how much I would be hurt a lot over this...and it happened 2.5 months ago and it is no longer relevant at all.

In that conversation we had yesterday, he said many reassuring things, how he would never cheat on me (he never did physically) and many more really emotional nice things. I know I matter a lot to him, but then I ask myself did I not matter a lot to him 2 months ago when this happened, and it happened anyway?


My stomach is upside down, I can't eat properly, I lose sleep, I don't have any appetite and at the moment my grief overwhelms me. I think these emotions express how emotionally attached I am... I know that it might very well be a one time thing, and all in all they didn't even speak on phone, they just did it on sms and swapped several nudies and like a 3 seconds videoe. But two things really bother me - at that time I was helping him in a project he had out of my vacation time....and also that particular person he did it with is someone he KNOWS I don't like his friendship with him.

He needs my help now again for this project he has, but my heart is aching....I can think of nothing but this. I hoped maybe I can just take it like a man and say - hey, I trust this person, we love each other a lot, and I should let it go. I know that if I confront him directly about it, I will have no choice but to take a break, and we will both be hurt. He will be hurt from the fact that I looked inside his phone while it was connected to my comp for charging (it's not like I deliberately searched his phone, but the opportunity came up when he was not near it and I did it)


Because of the way I feel, I'm really close to just let the whole thing out in the open and talk about it, but I know that it will be the end of something that's been very good....
On the other hand, I'm trying to resist that urge. If only I could get over that betrayal....he might have not done something THAT horrible as physically cheating, but the fact that he outright kept it away from me and lied about it for so long....there were several times I expressed my concern about his friendship with this guy, and in the recent 2 months (after the incident) he seemed quite upset like something is really bugging him.


I think for our relationship the best move would be to try and overcome it. I think part of the reason he stopped his friendship with that guy is the guilt he is feeling, but I can't know for sure.

However, I am feeling so horrible right now. I feel I can't trust him fully....I can't express the stress and emotional sorrow I am feeling right now.

Did anyone share a similar experience? Do you think my horrible feeling will fade away?
Sigh.

Don't you forget that you to swapped pictures with other fellas He has the same right to know, as you got to know. After all if one part can't be honest, how can the other part be? Its better to get it straight once and for all, so you don't have to think about it once more, and if its not meant to be or meant to be, that's up to Both of you. Personally I hate it when something goes unsolved, there has been soooo much drama at home recently and no one is really doing anything about it and I know from my self if I can't solve it, it will be on my mind all the time and annoy me, poison my mind until the day I get it sort out. I'd ratter be alone then be in a relationship were you merely talk to each other and just staring at each other awkwardly. But that is me. Tell him the sorrow and all the stress and how you feel, if you are going to be in a relationship you have to say what is on your mind, of course it can cause fights but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You simply can't put your problem on the shelf in a relationship, because you will see each other everyday, sleep next to each other, eat dinner in front of each other. You don't have to see a friend everyday and you don't rely on a friend in the same way you do with a partner, so deal with the problem once and for all... So it don't have to escalate.

[Blue]

Okay so be honest, you are only human and, I wouldn't put it past him to do the same thing in your place. If the love is there and, you have an otherwise good relationship, you can work it out.

Tell him how it's eating at you, and that you know he isn't doing it now, and how glad you are he ended that friendship. Also tell him what you think of your relationship and, make it clear that you do want to fix this, the right way, the honest way.

[Guy]

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this place. You guys are awesome, thank you so much for your advice regardless how my relationship ends up.