Being Taken Seriously

[Roxy]

I've never had a boyfriend, but whenever I voice the idea of having one, my friends and parents don't take me seriously. My mother told me "Don't be stupid, gay relationships aren't serious! They're not even real!" Am I being completely over sensitive by feeling hurt and offended by that? We got into a huge argument and I had my best girl friend pick me up. I want to patch things up with my Mother, but I want her to understand that any relationship is serious and real. I don't understand where she gets her view from. I feel totally lost (ToT)/~~~

If my family can't take me seriously, then I'm worried others won't either...anyone had this?

[Jay]

Whilst I do understand that they are your family, why do you need their approval to be taken seriously?

If you would like to have a relationship, just go for it. You don't need your parents to give you a green light.

They will take the whole thing seriously once you are already in a relationship.

[Roxy]

I never thought of it that way. Wow, your right. Although I would never ask their actual approval since I don't live with them. Thank you ヽ(；▽；ノ

[ceez]

You will start to learn that even though they did raise you and they are family they still don't really know what's best for you or have all the answers.

[Counselor]

Having your feelings invalidated is their mistake, and it does hurt to hear that your family doesn't believe what you're feeling is real. I've heard that "pain does not exist beyond the person experiencing it", and this is a good example, since even I would deem her response as insensitive.

[Rainbowmum]

I understand that you are close to your family.
Sweetie I have no idea where your mother gets her theory from , maybe she thinks it is all a fad.

Either way , get out there and do not worry too much about what others say.

[Roxy]

Thank you, I'm going to take those points to her when I talk to her tomorrow. It's not that I feel that I need her approval, I've been without since I came out, which was five years ago. I don't even expect it. Ever. What I don't expect is her to belittle my emotions, desires and beliefs. All your replies have boosted my confidence ヽ(；▽；ノ

[Zennyboy]

My mother told me "Don't be stupid, gay relationships aren't serious! They're not even real!"

No offence but seriously! You mother might want to look at my relationship, 8 years together we are engaged and planning to get married when im back in work!

My parents came to terms with my sexuality when they realised how happy i was with my partner. Im not saying thats how it works for all, but if your parent accept you being gay, then when you get in a serious relationship to the point marriage and futures do cross your mind, then following that your parents will be forced to take you seriously imo.

Its not about what your parents want, so why should you want them to take you seriously, the only one who has to take it seriously is you dude, and you alone, the rest will fall into place afterwards!

[Nick9]

I think that she hasn't accepted you being gay, yet. This is her way to express her hope that you will "change your mind."
Perhaps she was told over and over that gay is not good and now it is hard for her to get used to the idea.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I had a friend once comment that she never saw gay men being publicly affectionate, that that must mean that they don't really love each other.

I would imagine that many straight people assume that no PDA's means no love, of course a lot of those same straight people would be the first to punch a gay guy who dared to kiss or hold hands with his partner.

Its a catch 22, and I fear that the general myth that gay men can't really love one another is often repeated in the gay community - less now than say 20 years ago. It works like this, we tell you that you can't love enough times and sure enough you will buy into that.

Another thing we have going against us is rampant promiscuity which the media and politicians latched onto and worry to death - While there is a good deal of truth about that, the reality is that we were told millions of times that gay men can't really love, be monogamous, etc. So we live to fulfill that self-destined prophecy.

I would assume your mom is of my generation (around 40-50), thus she grew up in a world where it was a matter of fact that gays and lesbians couldn't actually love, it was all just about sex. 20 years later the general population is a little more informed - the youth (20-somethings) have this whole new notion that gay is ok, that gay partners can have a life long monogamous relationships, that gays can marry... etc.

What you are up against is not so much her bias based on how she really feels, but bias that she grew up with and most likely never had to consider the matter further since she is not gay.

Surprise - she got a gay son.... now she has to relearn a lot of things, unlearn alot of stereotypes and then refill with real knowledge. Its not going to be easy and she is most likely going through the 5 stages of grief with your having broke the promise of growing up and getting married (to a woman) and having 2.5 grand children for her, that 5 bedroom house, that white picket fence... all of these things she dreamed of for you based all on the assumption that you were going to be straight (most people are, so they plan for what they assume is most likely).

In time she will come around. How long? I have no idea.