Hi! Im jt from sc, lol, and I have a situation I was hoping to get some advise on.
So a few months back my friend got me a job working with him at an autoparts store. The job is great and we're good friends but I get the feeling he wants to be 'more.' He's nice and smart but I honestly don't find him attractive and we don't really have much in common. So there's that...and..
With that whole situation going on theres another guy I work with that I do like... He was homeschooled, typical southern upbringing, and cute but didn't have much in the way of modern culture until recently. How can i go about casually flirting with him without hurting my other friend?
Ahh! Its driving me crazy o.O
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Has your friend actually made a move ?
In situations like this all you can do is be honest.
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Well if the friend hasn't made a move then he might just be an outgoing, friendly person. If he has made a move and you are not interested in more than friends, then you need to be honest.
Yes his feelings might be hurt, but a bit of that now is better than leading him on for nothing.
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Well, hes tried verbally but I usually just try to defuse the situation. I just don't want the workplace to get awkward.
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If you don't want work to get awkward, then both guys are a no go zone. Can't have a rule for one and a different rule for another, regardless of weather you are attracted to them or not.
You can't help who you are attracted to, but you can help how honest you choose to be with the guy that is interested in you
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It sounds to me that the issue here is that you feel some sort of obligation towards the guy who got you the job, and perhaps your wary of rejecting his advances outright because of that.
Its not clear in your post whether your friend is in a management position, or the owner etc. While that may complicate things somewhat, you must take control of the situation and make it crystal clear to him exactly where you stand. If you don't do that then the unwanted advances (call it flirting if you want) will continue to make things awkward. If things get out of hand don't forget that there are workplace rules regarding sexual harassment, and as much as you may not want to invoke those, they're there for your protection, as well as the businesses.
Regarding the other guy that you are interested in. I usually have a rule of no workplace romance because of how complicated and messy things can get should the relationship end for whatever reason. However the reality of course is that we spend 30-40 hours a week at work, so the chances are you may find someone your interested in, and there is nothing wrong with that. However for it to work you both need to agree some ground rules about how you will behave towards each other when at work, especially on the flirting side when other people are around.
You also need to be very wary should this guy be in any kind of a management position in the business. If he is, then as Pellaz said you need to keep the work place separate. End of.
If you can't get the balance of personal versus workplace relationship right, then you're on a slippery slope and really need to evaluate if it would be better to look for a new job.
Good luck!
ObW
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I don't regard the workplace as off limits for a relationship developing but it does seem you feel you have an obligation to the guy that got you the job. Even though you don't have any obligation at all you should listen to what your thoughts are telling you and go with that. If that means finding a different job then so be it, but don't feel you are under so much pressure that you must leave. If he comes on to you and you don't want it then just say so. If it ends with you being fired or something I'm sure you can take legal action of some sort, not that its going to get to that stage. Just try and relax and do what your thoughts are telling you inside.
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