I have to admit, when it comes to finding a guy to spend quality time with, I am at a loss. I am a very intelligent person. I am a very cute blue eyed guy. I exercise, I eat mostly vegetarian, overall a very healthy eater. I am naturally big-boned, but it doesn't help that genetics keep me with the extra padding. I am chubby.
I don't find bigger guys attractive. That is not what I am attracted to at all. I want a muscular guy, or a skinny guy. In other terms a chubby chaser. It's hard to see how my ideal guy would find someone like me attractive so it makes things even harder for me.
Being alone is hard sometimes and I am getting to that age (27) where it would nice to meet someone for long term dating that I could eventually start a life with. I don't want to wait much longer before I start a family of my own. I wonder how much more time will pass.
Overall, I need someone who can accept me if I am big or if I am small. I want someone to love me for me, but also support me as I attempt to maintain my weight and work to lose some of it.
Just getting my thoughts out there. It makes me feel a bit better. Feel free to comment, question, or what-have-you.
-frvrdnld
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Hey frvrdnld (is that short for something LoL)
Welcome to GSF 
People come in all colours, shapes and sizes. And guess what? So do gay people 
Dont think you have to put yourself into a category or a box. Doing that imposes limits and can work against you. If you really want to label yourself feel free, but I suspect you wont get a lot of sympathy in here.
In my experience, love will find you when you least expect it and from the most unlikeliest of places. As soon as you understand that you'll be just fine. Seems to me you just need some self confidence. If it helps, there are plenty of dating sites out there that cater for people who like to label themselves! Go for it
Good Luck
ObW
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G Day and welcome to Gayspeak.
I believe there is always someone out there for everyone who will fall in love with our smiles, all you have to do is put your smile out there. I also believe those that try to hard usually end up heart broken, so slow down, don't stress and let life fall into place for you ;-)
You are placing more importance on your physique then your future husband will ever place on it 
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The name is just Forever Donald without the vowels. Meaning I am forever me.
I am not trying to label myself. I used the label as a way to describe myself for the post. Especially since you guys can't see me. I also used it because that is what goes through my head.
I do have a hidden self-conscenceness about my image. A lot of gays do because the community in general is focused that way. I am actually a very positive and and confident person on the outside.
To be honest, I do not go looking for love or a relationship or anything of the sorts. Rather, I am the one who stays in, does not drink, does not party. I am very professionally concentrated. I don't do apps or dating sites. The only way I go on a date or have an interaction with another homosexual individual is if they ask me or pursue me. I stopped pursuing in this area that I currently reside, a looooong time ago. I already plan on starting a family if I have someone to share that with or not. A partner would just complete the picture or be an added bonus.
I know I do not get a long with the majority of gay guys and only have 1 close gay friend, but that's simply because our personalities match exactly. With the majority I stay away from the drama and negativeness. Any sign that you like to start it or you have a consistent pattern of having a bug up your booty, then you will probably never see me again.
Thanks for your responses guys. Again, its just a post to get some of my thoughts out. Thanks again.
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You need to let down your hair and break out of your comfort zone. Judging from your second post, you are completely isolating yourself. I am not saying become a slut, but at least put yourself out there in places where gay men congregate. Not everyone wants to hook up at first sight. And no one is going to hunt you down and ask for a date if you are in hiding.
You don't drink, you don't party your professional? Sorry but those assumptions don't go hand in hand. Most professionals I know drink. Lots of business deals and mixers usually have alcohol involved. If you don't drink, you are more like the outsider, not one of the boys. I am talking just professionally here not dating. It's a bonding thing. Like "hes a cool guy, I can work with him".
You already have a plan for a family and he is there to complete the picture? That is very one sided. What if you meet a guy, your dream guy and he has no intention on wanting a family. Maybe he has a plan he wants you to complete. Are you prepared to give your "plan" up? Move to a different city, live a different lifestyle, get a long with his friends you might not normally like?
Your problem is not weight. I have been personally dealing with weight issues my whole life as a child. Because of that, I keep my self in check more then the average straight guy my age. So now that I am older, I am actually thinner then the average male but by no means do I have a washboard abs or anything close to that. I actually get more attention now then I did when I was 20. So weight is relative. In America, most people gain weight as they get older. I have watched my partner who was a stud go from looking like a model to heavy bear body. I love him just as much, I still think he is attractive, not just saying that. The weight dose not matter as much as the personality.
I think your using it as a crutch to not date and if you continue down that path you will be a bitter old queen like the kind you hate. You are still young, in your prime actually, now is the time to change those patterns in your personality that are not working for you.
Solution: Break out of your comfort zone. Do things you would not normally do. Try things you thought you would hate. Accept offers without over thinking them. Put you plan aside for a while and just try to have fun without the plan fitting in the background. If you see someone who is cute, just say it, dont think about it, dont expect anything in return. Everyone love complements, even the hottest guy in the room. They never get tired of hearing it. You got beautiful eyes, I like your smile, that's a cool jacket, where did you get that cool watch? Anything works as long as you really mean it. Dont fake it. though. Its a good way to start a conversation.
Have a drink at a gay bar with friends if possible. Even straight ones are ok these days to take into a gay club. I am not saying become an alcoholic. The reason most gay men drink is they feel just as inhibited as you. It relaxes everyone just enough to talk to each other. One or two drinks is not going to kill you or get you date raped. Try a dating app, not everyone there is a total whore. It's not black and white. I know several couples that met on line that way for a hook up and now in monogamous relationships. Or join a gay social group like bowling, movie night or dinning out if you dont want to drink. Try Meet Up online, they have gay social groups all over the country and they are usually no pressure non hook up related.
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Sorry MikeMG, but I feel you have wasted many words out of misreading my replies on the post. I did not say that I did not drink or go out and about because I am a professional. Please reread as when taking part in an online forum, it is key to carefully notice all punctuation and grammar as if you simply miss a comma, you just said something completely different then you intended.
I was describing myself. I am professionally concentrated, meaning I am working on my PhD and I am in a career I love and work hard and have worked hard at my success. When I say I do not drink, I DO NOT DRINK! I do not consume alcoholic beverages by choice. Consuming them does not make me any more social or any less social. I do not go to clubs or bars, because they do not interest me. They are not my thing. Yes, I do know I do not like them. I was a bartender for many years as well as have experienced them.
As for segregating myself from the world, I have far from done that. I am active in my studies and my career, yes, but I am also active as I visit the gym regularly, in the nice weather I like to mountain bike as well as hike and mountain climb. I also am very active in the community, and with the LGBT support centers throughout the state. I also hold and organize fundraisers for LGBT, cancer, aids, autism, and others. Believe me I am not short of contact with people. When I mean I stay in and enjoy my time alone, I truly enjoy my time alone because it is me time.
I'm not shy of things and I am known for being experimental. I do things that I have not tried simply because I have not tried them. I am in the psychology field and I pride myself in diversity and experiences to enhance my professionalism and the success of my clients and potential clients. Not experiencing or being open minded only creates hate and ignorance.
I may only be 27 years young, but I do know myself. Like everyone, we all have our baggage. I use this forum to through out ideas. Not necessarily because they consume my thoughts or that they are serious at all, but they are topics that come to mind or thoughts that come to mind. Through this I gain knowledge of others and perspective. Not only does it provide me with these components but the post could assist someone where the thoughts actually consume them or where a little insight might be helpful.
Thanks for your response though.
-frvrdnld
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I can see your dilemma- I have a friend who is a really big guy, and while he may not get as much attention and adoration as a slim or muscular guy, he definitely gets some... and that which he gets is very enthusiastic!! I think that bigger men are not to every guys tastes, but there are many who much prefer it too.
I think it is great that people have all different tastes and that everyone can be attractive to someone. But sometimes it is not so simple; I don't mean to speak for you, but I know from my friend's perception, many of these guys are serious chubby chasers, many to the point of an actual fetish. Not judging that, and everyone likes to feel attractive and interesting at times, especially those who may usually be treated as not as attractive by some gay men (and others too, I know all genders and sexualities can judgmental on looks and size). We all can be kind of shallow in finding love, of course- many of us have types, and initial physical attraction is kind of important to most people, in honesty! But what about the point where that become objectification? I know I don't like being admired only for my body (I am a straight woman). Some of those chubby chasers only care about the weight, which isn't very respectful, nor any good if the individual wishes to lose weight at some point.
However, some just happen to have a preference for bigger guys, but are looking for normal, healthy relationships. Some people are looking for love and don't have a type, or don't usually like chubby, but love has no rules, and we can always defy our own expectations! I think true love is hard to find for anyone, but weight needn't be a problem.The right person will neither see it negatively, nor be delighted with it to the point that it becomes too important.
Sorry for my rambling post there, not sure if it was of any use, just some thoughts on chubby chasers there!
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Hey Donald, (don't remember if I ever welcomed you officially, so  to GaySpeak); I read your thoughtful posts and think that when you look at what's on offer for our eye candy, it's rarely the chubby guy but when you look on other sites that deal with the real people out there, you see there are plenty of guys who are partnered and are chubby or obese, but are still capable of having a relationship and maintaining a couple's life or a partnered life without it affecting how they feel emotionally. The physical aspect of things is only one of them.
Of course, ideally we'd all be slender and good-looking with splendid bone features and impeccable abs, but hey, let's get real. We live in affluent societies where temptations are many (not the least in the unbalanced food areas either) and many of us are lonely (or part-time lonely) and compensate with food. It takes a mind of steel to go to the gym religiously and keep the carbs down. So inevitably there will be quite a lot of us human beings who'll end up chubby or overweight.
The good side is that we are no longer scraping for every item of food we'd have to find and not suffering from malnutrition or hunger (at least, not from malnutrition because of scarcity).
Somewhere in the middle there, is the norm, which is not the ideal, but the real population with all its imperfections. I'm sure there's room there to find someone suitable for you.
Hope you find him soon. Good luck. Take care.
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I thought your ideas were useful, Lilmy... Thank you.
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You have probably looked into this already, but I'd guess there are dating websites geared towards chubby chasers (as with bears, leathers, etc.). True, many men on there may only be looking for sex, but it is possible to find a like-minded individual who is geared more towards finding a relationship.
Beyond that, I agree with what others have said: unfortunately, most people are judged initially on their appearance and being overweight is not something a lot of people are going to be drawn towards. That's not to say it's impossible because I really do believe there is someone out there for everyone, you just have to be patient and wait for someone who is into you for you (which, I'd venture to say, is going to be better and more satisfying than being some super-skinny twink who will only be desired for his body).
Best of luck!
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