here I go again

[hank]

I am finally going to meet a guy I have been talking to. I an very nervous something has been bothering me lately, I think I may actually be asexual, I don't want to be, but the concept of touching other peoples genitals has become an aversion of mine. I am not sure if it is because I have recovered repressed memories of sexual abuse or if I truly am asexual.

I want to get this solved but I am scared of seeing a therapist, the last time I saw one he a attempted to tell me that I was not gay, and that my sexuality is a choice. But this avirsion to physical contact is utterly crippling.

Any advise?

[pellaz]

in our past lives; repression has its consequences. Be honest with your self and think its ok to enjoy your self and your partner, just forget his name and yours.

[Blue]

Screen therapists, none should tell you that you are not gay or bi but, it's still a good idea to ask a few questions before getting into your issues, not every therapist is okay with every issue. Check with the LGBT center for a few referrals to gay okay therapists.

As hard as it is to admit at times, issues like that usually need professional help. Trust me, there are ways to overcome that but, you need to work on the underlying issues and, that takes a therapist to get you headed the right way, and teach you the coping skills you need.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What you need is to find a therapist who deals with LGBT issues.

Assuming Houston is the one in Texas, this list: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rm...X&spec=268 may be useful for you.

The issue for you is not 'Am I LGBT?' so you are beyond that problem, so now you need a therapist who will accept that you have a basic understanding about who you are when it comes to your orientation and now you need to work on other stuff.

Besides in this modern age for a therapist to tell a person they are not gay is a bit way off the scale when it comes to modern psychology. Unless, of course, you are not really bisexual/gay but are a straight person who is 'turning' to LGBT things in order to hide from straight issues.

EXAMPLE: a woman who has been abused/raped by a man may actually turn lesbian in order to find some companionship in a safe person. She is not really gay, but has adopted it as a 'safe way' to exist. A therapist would call her on it and say 'you know you are not gay, but are acting/reacting to a past here.'

As for asexuality. It is possible, then again it is possible that you are currently in the slumps when it comes to sex in general.

There are libido issues that can be tied to psychological health, which can lead to a person being turned off by the idea of sex or acts of sex. I typically get that way around midwinter. For me it is the depths of winter depression which pretty much shuts down any and all desire and sex turns to be a bit more messy/ugly/unclean in my eye - revolting may be a good word.

Are you depressed? Stressed out? Anxious? If so it may actually be impacting your libido turning you off of sex in general thus any thoughts of it may feel revolting.

But, there are also physical issues that could be present, you are 'turned off' physically/bio-chemically thus unable to have an interest and may even be 'turned off' by the notion. Its a good idea to see a physician and rule out physical ailment first.

I do not know the hows and whys you are recovering repressed memories here. Memories can be a tricky thing and I would strongly caution you to not allow a therapist to 'assist' you in recovering any more memories. It is real easy for a therapist to accidentally instill false memories in their patient(s). They do not do it on purpose, its just a side effect or potential risk.

Lastly, yes it is possible that recent recovered memories are the underlying cause. However you are now undergoing a process of recovery from whatever the experience was/is. You are now remembering which means your mind is now ready to start working on what ever happened. Now that your mind is working on it, things will start being resolved.

Thus this state of being you are currently in is not going to last forever, and if your aversion is caused by this, it will not last forever and you will eventually get beyond it, maybe not "over it" but work through it, and step further down the road.

Something I am asking myself, is your aversion to sex due more to the idea that you might actually risk being in a relationship with this fellow? Could it be that your mind is giving you reasons to not risk getting involved with him?

I do not recall, but didn't you just end a long term relationship somewhat recently? Perhaps the notion of getting into a new relationship at this time is the real daunting thing that is problematic to you. Is that possible?

[Geminize]

Ditto what Bowyn said. Find yourself an LGBT friendly therapist. Just having a caring individual to talk to in person can relieve a huge amount of stress and anxiety. The willingness to express our fears and vulnerabilities and deal with what comes from that will only strengthen us.

[hank]

What you need is to find a therapist who deals with LGBT issues.

Assuming Houston is the one in Texas, this list: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rm...X&spec=268 may be useful for you.

The issue for you is not 'Am I LGBT?' so you are beyond that problem, so now you need a therapist who will accept that you have a basic understanding about who you are when it comes to your orientation and now you need to work on other stuff.

Besides in this modern age for a therapist to tell a person they are not gay is a bit way off the scale when it comes to modern psychology. Unless, of course, you are not really bisexual/gay but are a straight person who is 'turning' to LGBT things in order to hide from straight issues.

EXAMPLE: a woman who has been abused/raped by a man may actually turn lesbian in order to find some companionship in a safe person. She is not really gay, but has adopted it as a 'safe way' to exist. A therapist would call her on it and say 'you know you are not gay, but are acting/reacting to a past here.'

As for asexuality. It is possible, then again it is possible that you are currently in the slumps when it comes to sex in general.

There are libido issues that can be tied to psychological health, which can lead to a person being turned off by the idea of sex or acts of sex. I typically get that way around midwinter. For me it is the depths of winter depression which pretty much shuts down any and all desire and sex turns to be a bit more messy/ugly/unclean in my eye - revolting may be a good word.

Are you depressed? Stressed out? Anxious? If so it may actually be impacting your libido turning you off of sex in general thus any thoughts of it may feel revolting.

But, there are also physical issues that could be present, you are 'turned off' physically/bio-chemically thus unable to have an interest and may even be 'turned off' by the notion. Its a good idea to see a physician and rule out physical ailment first.

I do not know the hows and whys you are recovering repressed memories here. Memories can be a tricky thing and I would strongly caution you to not allow a therapist to 'assist' you in recovering any more memories. It is real easy for a therapist to accidentally instill false memories in their patient(s). They do not do it on purpose, its just a side effect or potential risk.

Lastly, yes it is possible that recent recovered memories are the underlying cause. However you are now undergoing a process of recovery from whatever the experience was/is. You are now remembering which means your mind is now ready to start working on what ever happened. Now that your mind is working on it, things will start being resolved.

Thus this state of being you are currently in is not going to last forever, and if your aversion is caused by this, it will not last forever and you will eventually get beyond it, maybe not "over it" but work through it, and step further down the road.

Something I am asking myself, is your aversion to sex due more to the idea that you might actually risk being in a relationship with this fellow? Could it be that your mind is giving you reasons to not risk getting involved with him?

I do not recall, but didn't you just end a long term relationship somewhat recently? Perhaps the notion of getting into a new relationship at this time is the real daunting thing that is problematic to you. Is that possible?

I am not turned off by sex, frankly I am peaked much like puberty. It isn't my avrsion to sex,
Quite frankly I am not at all experienced with sex, other than some exploratory stuff when I was a boy. It may be my inexperience getting the best of me.I have some other issues that require a different tread regarding women. deep issues that go back in my past, i think this may be the reason I am bisexual leaning toward gay.

[Nick9]

Hank,
don't rush into anything and don't do anything you don't want to. Take it slowly, and you will see. Don't be afraid to tell your partner how you are feeling and that you want to go slowly. Tell him what you don't even like to try, so that your bad feelings won't deepen more.
Don't be afraid, maybe you just need to find the right man

[ChadCoxRox]

It's all said well enough for me here already, so just know you are not walking the journey alone hank!!! We love you and appreciate you're being a caring human who will open up enough to reach out to someone (us) for perspective. Keep coming back...it works if you work it.

[ChadCoxRox]

Hank,
don't rush into anything and don't do anything you don't want to. Take it slowly, and you will see. Don't be afraid to tell your partner how you are feeling and that you want to go slowly. Tell him what you don't even like to try, so that your bad feelings won't deepen more.
Don't be afraid, maybe you just need to find the right man

oh my goodness I like this reply...

[Rainbowmum]

Hank take your time with this , there is no rush here.
You seem to be putting unnecessary pressure on your self.

I don't blame you for being scared after what that therapist said to you.
The man needs shooting , that was totally unprofessional and unacceptable .

Sweetie listen to your body , if you are not ready , do not push it.
Slow and steady , baby steps, be kind to yourself , do not compare yourself to anyone else.