Relationship anxiety?

[UrbanBookworm]

Okay, so I know it's completely normal to be nervous about the first date or two when you're seeing someone new, but my problem is a little bit different.

I don't know if it's commitment issues I'm struggling with or if I'm just being a coward, but I freak out every time I enter a relationship- when I'm the one being asked. I'm all kinds of confident, relaxed, and having fun when I'm the one doing "the chasing", but when someone shows interest in me first I panic. I should be touched that someone likes me and that they're interested, but every time my current boyfriend compliments me (or anyone I'm dating at the time that asked me out first), I feel like running for the hills! It's nothing to do with him- it's not like I don't feel safe around him or anything, no worries- but ... I don't know. It's weird. I liked him and flirted with him before dating but now that we're a couple, it just feel like hiding away.

Anyone know what's going on or what I can do to get over this ridiculousness?
Like I said, it's not just him, it happens to all guys and girls who approach me first. I just cower out...

[ChadCoxRox]

My best advice is to seek professional help with sorting it out once you find no other alternative remedies. What you describe sounds very strongly like a cognitive distortion that could be successfully resolved enough to move forward without further discomfort but the success in that process will be directly related to your ability to research, learn and grow sufficiently to that point. Sometimes doing it on your own can work but be very time consuming, and while having professional help doing it may take time and investment it surely will cut to the chase more quickly if you get the right helping relationship going! You are so very much worthy of such an investment and I hope you will give yourself what you need. Best wishes and stay connected through that journey with GS!!!!

[Blue]

I agree a couples' or personal counselor could help and, would probably be the best.

While it sounds like a fear of commitment, or intimacy, it could be abandonment issues as well; there would be underlying reasons for that and, a counselor is the best person the help you figure out those reasons and, help you sort through them.

I would do so alone at first, then, when you and your counselor felt it appropriate, bring your partner into the discussion so that he could learn ways to help reassure you and, help you deal with whatever it is that you have to deal with.

[UrbanBookworm]

My best advice is to seek professional help with sorting it out once you find no other alternative remedies. What you describe sounds very strongly like a cognitive distortion that could be successfully resolved enough to move forward without further discomfort but the success in that process will be directly related to your ability to research, learn and grow sufficiently to that point. Sometimes doing it on your own can work but be very time consuming, and while having professional help doing it may take time and investment it surely will cut to the chase more quickly if you get the right helping relationship going! You are so very much worthy of such an investment and I hope you will give yourself what you need. Best wishes and stay connected through that journey with GS!!!!

Whoa. That's intimidating, to be honest lol- but it has been suggested by my doctors for a couple years that I do have strong anxiety issues (since I actually get muscle spasms triggered by amounts of stress I don't regulate). Well, if it is a cognitive distortion... I guess I'll go learn up on that! I read somewhere that learning about things that scare us help get rid of fears... so, I'd rather know what this is that's bothering me and solve it rather than stay in the dark and keep having this issue. I will read up on it. Thank you Thank you, too Blue!

[Undreamt]

I think it could also come from control issues.

If you start something you feel in control and you feel that you can direct things to progress in ways that you feel comfortable.
If someone else initiates the relationship you don't feel like your in a position to control what happens.

Just remember that you are, just because someone else is complimenting you or asking you out doesn't mean that you didn't make the decision to go along with it.
You put in effort to get those compliments, you deserve them

[Nick9]

If you start something you feel in control and you feel that you can direct things to progress in ways that you feel comfortable.
If someone else initiates the relationship you don't feel like your in a position to control what happens.

Exactly what I was about to write

[Rainbowmum]

There is not much more I can add to the great advice given above.
But I have to agree with Nick , it is more about control than fear.

[mooninleo]

You guys can share in those feelings of you being uncomfortable and 'nervous'. Ya know it sounds like its your sensitive part of your personality of giving over to commitment.. but share it with him. I mean otherwise you guys aren't communicate authenticly. Be open with your feeling and that it puts butterfly in your stomach. Just don't be mean, do it in a tender way. I dunno. Does this sound like its from the 1920's? It may. But i mean if you're not gonna be authentic here then what the eff are you doing wasting time? HIDING? <3

[UrbanBookworm]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I will definitely take them into consideration! I really want to get over this!