Am I running away?

[Counselor]

I'm thinking (very heavily) about moving to Portland. Due to my stupidity, right now I'm working temp jobs through a local agency, sort of a day-to-day, seat-of-my-pants deal that I'm not thrilled about. My father is kicking me out of his house (for a reason only he knows), I don't have a car (I've been borrowing my mother's van to get around, gas is murder). The gay culture in town is absolute bagel, and I want to socialize with more people in the gay scene. I'm surrounded in town by people that have known me since before my Jesus Freak phase, and I'm not even sure they know I'm out. My life is moderately uncomfortable at the moment.

I got an offer from a friend of mine in Portland to couch-surf while I look for something more permanent, and there are more jobs available and EXCELLENT public transit. My mother/youngest brother/sister come down to Portland on average of twice a week, so I'd still be able to see them and hang out with them periodically.

I don't want to admit it, but part of me feels like if I go, I'm admitting defeat and retreating. The rest of me wants to put myself in a situation where the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

[ChrisD]

Admitting defeat to what? If where you live now is causing you discomfort and you feel like there's not much for you there....... then maybe give Portland a try. At the very least. you could try and find a more stable job there. And as long as you keep moving your life forward the way you want it to go, then I don't see how this would be "admitting defeat and retreating" . Anyway- hope this helps a little...... Good Luck!

[Tombo]

Admitting defeat to what? If where you live now is causing you discomfort and you feel like there's not much for you there....... then maybe give Portland a try. At the very least. you could try and find a more stable job there. And as long as you keep moving your life forward the way you want it to go, then I don't see how this would be "admitting defeat and retreating" . Anyway- hope this helps a little...... Good Luck!

You are wise way beyond your years, my friend.

[Counselor]

as long as you keep moving your life forward

This is what I wanted most of all. But it feels cowardly, somehow...

[Pix]

I loved Portland while I was there, though it has been years since I last visited.

And I don't understand how moving there would be "retreating," especially when you need somewhere else to be anyway.

[Counselor]

I don't understand how moving there would be "retreating," especially when you need somewhere else to be anyway.

I feel like I wasn't able to be who I am here, and so I'm retreating to somewhere I can gain confidence in myself, right?

[Pix]

Ok.

But there's a long, long tradition of males going off on journeys & quests to find themselves and even transition from being a boy to manhood, and it still lingers to this day (from going off to college to joining the military before returning home). Not that I think such journeys (of self-discovery as well as travel) should be limited to males...

[Blue]

Sounds to me like you are accepting that there is not working for you and, are willing to take the risk of going elsewhere in hopes of making a better life for yourself.

I wouldn't call that running away, I'd call it trying to move forward and up in the world.

[Counselor]

Then why do I feel like I failed to hold my own here?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I'm not sure you can sum up your plans as "retreating"

Your evaluating your situation, looking at options and taking a positive step to address the situation you find yourself in.

That's not retreating, it's taking control and planning for the future.

It's absolutely the right thing to do!

ObW
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