Alright, I'm snowballin here...

[Marvinteck]

Marv: that's what scares me. I'm turning too resilient. I'm almost cold. I can barely tell my own 4 year old nephew I love him. It feels weird and foreign. How on Earth can I be emotional to others.

I wish I could help you there but I myself am a professional at keeping people at arms length. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. One thing that got me through when I was depressed after coming out was the fact that my nieces still loved me even when the adults were busy throwing labels around about me. Emotions don't always have to be spoken. Since I am so reserved myself I try to translate my positive emotions into action since I dont like talking. I try to show the people around me that the words of love and compassion are not just words that are spoken. I have been burned in the past but I try not to hold on to the negative emotions in my heart for to long because it wont do me any good.

[Counselor]

It's tough dragging up the past, but i wanna help others. Sadly, I'm left drained in the process, combined with current problems, i cant help but feel devastated.

So why is this ghost still haunting you? It's over, isn't it?

[brituc1]

the ghosts are over, sure. They dont define me. They are a part of who I am now. I cant shed the parts of me I dislike. God knows I;ve tried. Im just trying to cope with them. Jesus, I wish I hadnt brought this up at all. I cant stop thinking about it now

[Counselor]

Sorry, I didn't mean to drag it out.

[Blue]

Trust me, healing is never impossible. hard as hell and, there will probably be bits that stop being gaping wounds but never totally heal and, "normal" aint happening for a lot of us but, with the will, skills and personal understanding to do it, you can keep yourself from spiraling out of control.

No it isn't easy to lever the easy escapes like alcohol behind, and it will forever be all too easy to take a few drinks - hey you're human and, maybe a break on RARE occasions is okay but, not when it's keeping you from actually working on your issues.

Yes, I'm being a hard ass because you sound like you need it. Get off the "I tired once and it didn't work." trip and get busy finding what you need and making it work. If I and a few others around here can do it, anyone can, trust me there are those that have endured so much worse and are not only surviving, but thriving - a few of them right here on GS.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie you have to find your trigger point and try to avoid those kind of things.
We all have things about ourselves we do not like , it's hard enough to tackle them one by one without outside interferences.

Take a deep breath prioritize ,change what you can and stop beating yourself up.

[Miles]

Feel free to vent on me cuz I can be your biggest fan.

Also I can distract you with the worst puns in existence.

[Counselor]

Also I can distract you with the worst puns in existence.

[brituc1]

Well, to add salt to the wound, I overslept for work tonite and on my way in, I accidentally went off road and hit a tree. I appreciate the responses guys, thanks