Hey everybody I need all of your advice and if you don't give me advice and you read this well you suck then!!!!
So.. lately I've been starting to have feelings for this guy at my school. We have a couple classes together and our lockers are by each other too. We CONSTANTLY flirt like its so noticeable guys like seriously. The only problem is, is that I'm almost positive he's straight, but everybody says my looks can literally change somebodies sexuality so I always go with that a little bit, not to sound conceded, but anyways that's not even the point I'm trying to get to!! What I'm trying to say is usually I'm really direct with what I want and it turns out to work, but I've always wanted to test it and see if the other person would go for me first..? How could I do that? How do I get the hint out there without.. basically getting it out there. Like I thought maybe since how we're in the same group of friends to talk about like my sexual history (not into details) but just explain in a way what I've gone through, but then I realized that would backfire because if he wanted to, he'd want to keep it a secret between us 2, just like the other guys.. so I kinda just don't know what to do and I'm stuck in a pretty bad predicament. Another reason why I want him to come for me instead of me going for him is just the fact of feeling wanted. Like I feel like most of the guys I've been with kinda just used me and then left and I'm tired of feeling this way. So it really would mean a lot if you guys could put in some suggestions on how I could get it out there that I'm down to if he is, without saying that and having him go for me first.
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I don't know what 2-cent advice that I can give you. I will just say "Be yourself". Good things will come along.
Living in USA for 9 years, I haven't had luck with men either. Women too. Not to point this directly at you, I think that people in American society are generally shallow and selfish. They use you when they need you and trash you when they no longer need you.
Friendship in USA is acquaintanceship: short-lived and casual. Every American I encountered is like that. They are insensitive and inconsiderate. I'm so tired of being treated like a utensil.
I hope same things won't happen to you.
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Well, to be honest, it sort of sounds like you are trying to play a game with this boy, Allen (or is it Joel?).
If you are truly interested, why not, the next time you're being flirty with each other, just throw something out there like "listen, if you're not busy Saturday night, I'd really like to go catch a movie with you" or something along those lines. You're already in the flirty mode and if he does reject you or say he's not gay, I think it's still easy for you to say "no big deal, just thought it'd be fun to hang out" and move on.
That's the worst case scenario. Best case scenario, he's totally interested and you have a date with him!
I just don't really see the point in waiting for him to come to you; he may be waiting for the same thing from you.
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However you go about it, talk to him, be honest and accept whatever he says. No hard feeling, just see if he really is straight and if not, is he possibly into you.
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Social flirting can be so very misleading.
Ask him out for coffee or to plat some hoops, video games .... you get the drift.
Bring it up casually .
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You can "change someones sexuality with your looks"? Hmmmm. Cute, maybe....Hugh Jackman you're not. LOL
I understand what you are saying, and I understand what personality type you are from your post. This is helpful in determining your course of action.
You've always been the "initiator" and now you find this guy attractive in a different way than you are used too apparently, hence the mood change from "initiator" to "subjectee". This tells me there is something special about this guy to you. Something (whether you might know it or not) specific about this guy has you wanting him to chase you, regardless of any kind of flirting. This is something to pay attention to.
Anytime you are willing to change your personal habits, traits, or personality for another person, this is a sign of you wanting to be serious. Whether its just serious dating or wanting to find out how serious this guy can get in the long run.
BUT...
You have to remember, you are both young. Your hormones are going "here and there", and yes....most guys (doesnt matter if they are "gay" or "straight") are only looking for sex at your age, not commitments or long term relationships. Although it is not unheard of for guys your age to be more mature and knowlegable about wanting something more serious. Hell, I was born 42 years old....so I never really had to go through any kind of adolescent, sex crazed phase in my life.
First off, you need to put your hormones in check. Control them, dont let them control you.
Next, since you are on pretty good speaking terms, talk more "life stuff" with him. Like, "hey, what kind of movies do you like", "do you have any hobbies", "do you plan to go to college", stuff like that. This will give you some idea of where his head is at, what he's interested in, and where he see's himself going after high school. You dont have to bombard him with 20 questions or anything, just work the more serious questions into an appropriate conversation.
If you want to "drop hints" and find out if you both can be an item, date, or whatever, then you need to see him outside of school. If there is a movie coming out you want to see, you can work it into a converstaion...."hey, did you know The Hobbit movie is coming out next month? I was going with some friends, but now they cant go, and I dont like to go alone, so I guess I will wait for the DVD". If he's interested, of course he will offer to go with you to the movie. If not, then could be he's just an overly friendly person.
Well, it doesnt have to be a movie, but you get the idea. Hell, its close to C'mas, so you might as him if he can go to the mall with you to shop for a couple of C'mas presents. No, you dont have to buy anything, but you can "look" and not really find anything you are interested in. At least he's at the mall with you....you can walk around, talk about whatever, go out to eat.....
I could go on all night about different ways to approach this guy, but basically you have to follow your own common sense. If you make your hormones take a back seat and let your common sense drive for a while, you will be better equipped at dealing with this situation.
Hope that helps.
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"I'm almost positive he's straight, but everybody says my looks can literally change somebodies sexuality"
Don't kid yourself. If he's straight he's straight, and not even Justin Bieber would tempt him.
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monk Wrote:"I'm almost positive he's straight, but everybody says my looks can literally change somebodies sexuality"
Don't kid yourself. If he's straight he's straight, and not even Justin Bieber would tempt him.
Beebs didn't even tempt me when he first showed up, I thought it was just Ellen Page without her makeup.
AJ22, if you want to pursue this guy, do it. If he wants to pursue you, he will too. Romantic pursuits should NEVER be one-sided.
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start talking about trying new stuff... "casually" bring up guys when sex comes up, it will. even better if he brings it up =)
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if he's straight , don't do anything .
i think most gay men would be annoyed if a woman insisted on relentlessly trying to hook up with him . i get annoyed when men try it with me (they usually come up with the whole "you probably just haven't met the right guy" thing) . it's the same concept .
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