Hi everyone! Name is Sam and I've come here looking for relationship help.
I am a 19 year old guy, and went to high school with a guy who is currently 18. We were very close during those years, and often joked (along with a couple other male friends) that we were gay. As fate would have it, I have feelings for him. He's the only guy I've ever had feelings for... I'll just make a list of my involvement with him:
* Hold hands a ton (whether in movies, at parties, etc)
* We used to lay between each others' legs during class
* Feel each others' bodies a ton (massages, back rubs, head scratching, even fake kissing)
* Extensive phone conversations (2+ hours, listening to him play piano, falling asleep on the line)
* Toss around things like "I love you." - got a random text from him one evening this summer that read nothing besides "I like you." and that's all he texted me that day. didn't reply after that.
* Went out to breakfast, he paid for my food. I've bought him movie and event tickets. He's paid for our things too.
* Every now and then he looks at me and his eyes seem to be screaming, almost in pain.
* One night on a late bus ride home, he fell asleep with my arms wrapped around him.
* He wants me to transfer to his school. * This has been going on for years. A lot of it continues even though we are hours apart.
* But he also goes on for hours about girls he finds attractive, how 'women are his weakness,' which ones he would like to bang, etc.
There is so much more I could write, but it hurts. Basically, he doesn't reject any of these advances. I want to find out for sure what the extent of our relationship is.
Thank you all in advance for your help - it is difficult to deal with these thoughts.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Hey Sam and welcome to GS.
Figuring out someone's sexuality can be a minefield and fraught with difficulties and consequences if you get it wrong. If I'm honest it sounds like you both have a bit of a bromance going on.
You don't really indicate if there has been any sexual intimacy between you, and from what you've said about how close you were/are, I would hazard a guess that if its not happened by now, then its not going to happen.
Are you actually out to your friend/family as gay?
If your not out, but you feel your ready to come out (and only you know if you are or aren't depending on your personal circumstances) Then I would strongly suggest you take things in two stages.
1. Coming out can be a hugely emotional time for anyone, and one of the important things is that you have some close friend(s)/family who can give you positive support during this phase. You might think you don't need support, but its good to have it available.
2. Come out to your friend first - but (and this is a big but!) you must be prepared for two possible reactions.
A. He will be absolutely fine, be completely supportive and respect you for telling him, especially if he's the first person you tell.
B. He may back off, including cutting you off, while he considers his friendship with you and his reaction to the news. This could be terminal to the friendship, or temporary while he sorts his feelings towards you out.
So, if you do decide to come out to your friend, unless you get an "OMG, Im gay too" reaction you should NOT then proceed to tell him that you have feelings for him. If he's straight and you drop the revelation on him that not only you're gay but you have feelings for him, you are very likely to get a negative reaction that will undermine your confidence in just having come out, but also take away any emotional support you may get from him if he's straight. He may sever any further contact.
You should weigh up the pro's and con's, then make a decision on what you want to do.
If your not sure how to go about coming out, you will get plenty of advice here in the Forum, or you can do a search on YouTube.
Good luck
ObW
x
•
Welcome to the forum! I don't mean this offensively, but the dynamics of the relationship you described are REALLY gay.
•
Counselor Wrote:Welcome to the forum! I don't mean this offensively, but the dynamics of the relationship you described are REALLY gay.
or a bromance , lol
my housemate and his male best friend act like they're a couple all the time . they hold hands , tell each other that they love each other constantly , spend hours on the phone to each other , and generally just act like they're completely in love ~
but they are definitely just friends ... they just have a super epic bromance thing going on hahaha
•
Hello Sam and  to GaySpeak... I'm afraid I'll have to go with OlderButWiser on the advice, which is good and sound, of course. One thing that might happen is that he is gay too but it doesn't necessarily mean that you two will become an item. You could be best gay friends, possibly, if that were the case. The nice thing about your relationship is that you like each other's company... I'm going to suggest that he might be straight but is comfortable having you as a friend, and if you put yourself in his shoes for a moment, and imagine he's straight, he's quite happy to have another male with whom he can bond, and share what he thinks are similar feelings.
Do you play along with the "fit woman" talk? Do you pander to his wishes and acquiesce or do you pretend you don't know the slightest thing about women? It would seem that he's not caught on yet that you don't have much interest in women, if you never mention them. If you play along with it, then he'll be getting a mixed message from you, and may think that you are interested in women too. Or maybe he's a little too self-centered to notice that you never talk about girlfriends or women?
Of course, one of the possibilities that ObW did not evoke is that he might be bisexual, therefore potentially interested in sexual adventures with both sexes, but maybe he hasn't sorted this out for himself yet either.
Are you considering telling him any time soon? I would start with coming out, but leave the personal attachment to him aside at first. If he reacts well, then you can maybe tell him how you feel about him, but by then, what you tell him may make him open up more about his own feelings towards you. Maybe he's also been dropping signs all along, and not knowing how to tell you. That's the rub. When neither dares take the first step, it's a trifle complicated. You'll just have to brave it out, young man, won't you?
Take care, and good luck with coming out to your best friend.
Another thought: is there anyone who knows you both who could give you an outsider's opinion? A female friend of yours, or another male friend? Someone who knows you both and can see how you both interact? It might help to have that lighting.
•
just ask......closed mouths don't get fed.
•
Counselor Wrote:Welcome to the forum! I don't mean this offensively, but the dynamics of the relationship you described are REALLY gay.
No, the dynamics are very metrosexual and bromantic.
Two teenagers, flowing with testosterone and close enough to lay between each others legs, but never been sexually active with each other?
Screams bromance to me, and there is nothing wrong with that. The danger is reading anything more into it that there actually is.
ObW
x
•
AquaKnight Wrote:just ask......closed mouths don't get fed.
You don't have to ask using only your mouth......
Just saying 
ObW
x
•
Hello Sam
It sounds to me like your friend is trying to figure out his sexuality.
It is vital that he does so on his own without any pressure or influences.
This is a very difficult time for him not to mention a confusing time as well.
Under no circumstances should you change schools right now , it is never a good idea to do so when all is up in the air.
It's always nice to have your own refuge ,even if you only need it to recharge.
It's difficult to come to a conclusion of your friends sexuality , please try not to read anything into his actions , no matter how dif ficult that may be.
A golden rule to follow is that if you do not know if he is gay ,presume he is straight.
Eventually though you will have to talk to him about it.
•
OlderButWiser Wrote:No, the dynamics are very metrosexual and bromantic.
Two teenagers, flowing with testosterone and close enough to lay between each others legs, but never been sexually active with each other?
Screams bromance to me, and there is nothing wrong with that. The danger is reading anything more into it that there actually is.
ObW
x I agree with this, but I stand by my original statement. These two prolly have the rumor mill working overtime.
•
|
