explanations / things about me / etc

[megumidesu]

there doesn't seem to be a blog area on the forum , so i figured i'd just put this in this bit ~

i'm hoping that people will read it and get a better understanding of why i'm so defensive about certain things . for those that have stuck up for me and been lovely , thank- you . this'll just be an exciting post for you to read to find out more about me . hah .


~ i was born in kyoto in 1989 , and was the youngest of six children - i was the only girl . this might have been okay (i'm sure lots of you have or know people with lots of older brothers) , but my mom had never wanted a daughter . i don't remember too much about my early childhood , but the general attitude from my mother was something along the lines of "you're a girl . you're pointless and wrong." . i remember when we had to cross the road , she would refuse to hold my hand and just have me cling to her little finger , and only for the time it took to get to the other side .

when i was four or five years old , my dad came out and my parents (obviously) split up . she was pregnant at the time . my mom took my brothers back to the US and left me in japan with my dad .

my dad had a similar attitude towards me that my mom did . except in a very different way . his attitude was still "you're female , so you are wrong and terrible" , but also "because you are a girl , there is no point to you other than to be used sexually by whoever wants to."

so , for the five / six years that i lived with my dad i was sexually and physically abused (both by him and by various people who would give him money in exchange for spending an hour or so alone with me) . the only rule they were given was "don't damage her face."

that lasted until i was about ten , at which point i got sent to live with my mom . she wasn't happy about that , mostly because i hadn't miraculously changed gender in the last five years , but also because i was a living reminder that she had previously been in love with a gay child molesting psycho . so i ended up in foster care .
when i was twelve i moved in with my best friend and his family . i still live with my best friend at the moment .

i've spent a very long part of my life being used and broken down by people , just for being a girl . so when i see comments from people here that point out how much a particular person is disgusted by women (or parts of women) , then i don't care what you think , i'm going to say what i think . because i didn't get the chance to say that to people who directed comments like that at me when i was younger.


sorry for the essay post . thank-you for reading . a lot of it was very hard to write

[Roxy]

Thank you Meg-Sama for sharing this. I can't imagine how that must have been to go through. I really hope that everyone reading your expericances can appreciate how hard it has been, how much strength you have shown and how strong you are now.

I also hope they see that you've posted this to reach out, so other's can understand why you have the opinions you do. If more people took a step forward and spoke out, then there would be less misunderstands and more thought given into our posts.

Thank you for opening your heart to us Meg-Sama.

Suki desu!

[RockerBlocks]

Oh, Meg. That was so hard to read as it must of been hard to write for you.

You are such a brave strong soul. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

[Dan1980]

Your such a brave person thank you for sharing.

[Counselor]

Thank you, I'll keep this in mind!

[Undreamt]

It is very important to stand up to your own values, and you are a very strong person to do that.

People will never learn through silence

[Rainbowmum]

you are amazing just the way you are.
Thank you for sharing Meg , you are very brave.

[Pix]

I'm glad you got away!

Having been a runaway and around many other runaways I've heard too many kids who had similar experiences as you did. I'm 30 now and I still get infuriated how kids are treated and tossed aside by parents and the system both...it's actually more intense than when I was a kid, I guess because part of me believed it when some of the more obnoxious adults said I'd understand as I got older, and they're right, but understanding only makes it even less acceptable to me now than it did back then (which is to say I didn't turn into them or come to agree with how they treated kids).

I still sympathize with and help kids when I can, though this is usually very indirect, such as advice on the net or giving some food or money to kids I know are on the street.

And I'm wondering, if you don't mind sharing...how did you get into foster care? It didn't sound as if you were taken by the state exactly...I'm just curious and it's also possible it might inspire me later in advising someone else. And...what really interests me...how did you get placed with your best friend? I'm assuming this was legal, but if I'm wrong on that then there's no need to answer (though I'd still be curious). For example, if they were already registered to get foster kids then I'd be curious how they applied to get you specifically and how much voice you had in it, and also if they were already registered or if they had to GET registered (and roughly how long it took). This could be a very useful thing for me to know to share with some kid who really needs to escape the hell they were born into (and there are so many...).

[Zet]

Wow and I thought I had somewhat of a rough childhood, takes bravery indeed. Thanks for sharing

[Geminize]

I cannot imagine what you felt like as a child, and I am very impressed by your courage, strength, and the support you have for others here. Thank you for sharing. I have a somewhat flippant sense of humor, but I never mean disrespect to any individual. Communicating by text alone has huge potential for misunderstandings, so I will keep that in mind.