why am I nervous?

[Anonymous]

everytime I come close to sex, I freak out and get very nervous and tense. why does this happen to me? I cant even explain this myself.

[Counselor]

I used to have a similar problem, centered around guilt for feeling pleasure. I would stop things before they got too far (thankfully I've had persistent partners).

[Geminize]

Be ready for an infinite number of answers to your question! Sex is more in your head than the rest of your body, and there are endless reasons you might feel the way you do about it. Family, religion, past experience, no experience, expectations based on unrealistic media images, personal history, etc, etc.

Remember: you are not the first to face this challenge. Most people feel nervous about becoming physically intimate for the first time, or with a new partner. If you have a relationship going, hopefully you will be able to talk about your anxiety. Just expressing it with your partner will begin to change it. If you aren't comfortable doing that with him, keep asking questions here. Just give us a little more info to go on. Good luck!

[princealbertofb]

I agree with Geminize here, and Counselor. I think it is possibly that you aren't quite ready for it to happen, and you aren't quite ready to give your body over to someone else's touch. It might help if you were a touchy feely person, but maybe you are not used to bodily contact. Try to see if there have been some forms of bodily contact in your past that made you feel uncomfortable.
I agree that talking to your partner about how you feel may make your fears dwindle, but you should definitely not let anyone do to you what you don't feel like doing.

Do you like cuddling? Do you like massage? Do you enjoy kissing? All of these are good ways to start getting comfortable with one's body in the presence of someone else.

In all cases, however, whether this is for casual sex or for more romantic (partnership) sex, you need to remember to take your precautions if you don't know anything about the other person's sexual past and HIV / STI status. Coming to the experience with the right material ought to make you feel you are in better control of the situation.

[pellaz]

Forget his name and think in terms you need it, deserve it.

[MisterTinkles]

Some people have a fear of intimacy.

Some people have a fear of sex.

Some people have a fear of touching.

Some people just cant "do it" unless its with someone they really feel comfortable with.

And for some people, its all of the above.

[Undreamt]

everyone is norvous and it iscan be hard when there is so much expectation as to what sex is or what it should be.

do what you want experiment to find out what you are comfortable with and enjoy and above all make sure that you and your partner have fun.

try not to think too hard about what your doing let it come naturally

[UrbanBookworm]

Everything Undreamt said. It's important to keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with being nervous, really. Just do what you're comfortable with first. After all, your partner should be able to respect your boundaries and acknowledge your nervousness- and vice versa. Take your time